Monday, January 11, 2010

Take It Off the Rack, If It's Whack, Put It Back

That one guy all blurry and stuff.

Okay. After a quick run, I've spent most of the evening painting my kitchen. I'm about 95% done, I still have to clean up and I have a slight headache from huffing paint fumes all night. What that means for you guys, is that I'm going to write a fairly lame post that consists mostly of copying and pasting. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better and I'll have a pic of my freshly painted walls.

Sooo, remember how a few months ago, I thought I might run into Mr B. and that I said I'd be fine with it? The thing is, I wasn't sure how he'd be with it. For the most part, I didn't care, but I'm socially awkward enough without there being any bad blood between myself and anyone else.

The last time I talked to him was in June and at that time he was trying to convince me that he wasn't lying to me about having a girlfriend while we were hanging out, while at the same time, trying to get me to assure him I'd date him again now that he and his current girlfriend didn't seem to be working out. I gave him a big "Hell no!" in answer to that. I can't date someone I don't trust, and I'd never be able to trust him. He seemed upset about my answer, and we left it that we'd be friends, but I never heard from him again.

Since he and my friend K. graduated from high school together, they are Facebook friends. On New Year's weekend, Mr. B posted something on K.'s wall. I thought it would be the perfect and "safe" opportunity to test the waters of our friendship. So, I left a smart-ass comment on it. He knows me well enough to know that's what I do. (and it would be a much worse sign if I didn't flip someone shit) But he took it the wrong way, and I got a message from him.

The subject title was "Bitter", which cracked me up and this is what it said:


Ok, you sound bitter, understandable. Let's make sure exactly what your bitter about. I am guilty of blowing you off and going to my previous relationship. For that I am truly sorry and I totally understand why you would be pissed. But I did not do what you said I did (which would be a serious dick move.) If you do not believe me fine. Either way, I hate the weirdness (which I created) but I understand. You are an awesome person and I acted immaturely. You did not deserve that.

To which I replied:

I totally didn't mean to sound bitter. I was trying to be funny (har har). I guess things come off sounding weirder when writing dumb-ass FB comments.

There's no weirdness from me. You did whatever you did, and I'm sure I'll never know what really happened and when. You have to understand that it's hard for me to believe you when you told me different things at different times. Only one of those things could be true, right? But it doesn't matter. Believe me, I've had guys do way worse things than that to me before. I just liked you a lot, so it probably affected me more than with other guys. Whatever. It's done. I'm soooooo not bitter. I hope you're happy and doing well. I'm doing great. I just bought a house. Even though my pipes are frozen right now, I'm still happy about it.

Thanks for trying to make things right.


He messaged back that he was glad we were friends again. Hopefully, things won't be weird between us the next time we run into each other. I guess that's what I hope for with every guy I used to date. How about you all...Do you try to stay friends with exes, or do you just avoid them all together?

14 comments:

rel said...

Churlita,
I try to be friendly with everyone. I don't avoid exs but don't seek them out.
rel

Mrs. Hairy Woman said...

I have run into (sort of) my Ex and turned and walked in a different direction..A direction of my future and trying to get past my past.. So I would avoid any Ex.. And I would hope they would have the same courtesy.. As I have nothing to say to them..

Tara said...

I don't have many ex boyfriends, but the ones from high school are on Facebook and we're friends on there. Then of course there's the guy I wanted to date, he's the one I blogged about a few times, and I finally emailed him and told him a few of my thoughts but he never responded. Out of stubborn pride, I refuse to defriend him on there, even though I really should.

another good thing said...

I love how you posted all of that. And how honest you are about your feelings, impressions, thoughts. Am starting to think there are only two of us in the world who talk and act like that- with friends, with exes, with strangers... and expect others to understand and do the same. Just two. Me and You.

Johnny Yen said...

It sounds to me like it was a "wanting your cake and eating it too" situation for him.

I'm friends with some of my ex's. Some I'm not for what they did, some because of what I did. I was not an easy guy to be around until my son was born. His arrival made me take a good long look at myself.

SkylersDad said...

There is only one ex I ever had a problem with, because she turned stalker.

Pamela said...

Pipes are frozen. heh. There's some weird comment associated with that.

You did great. It's a pain in the ass to try and stay friends, but usually it's worth it.

Ananda girl said...

That photo reminds me of the movie Jacob's Ladder. Weird.

I hate awkward situations like that. Well you know what they say... feck him if he can't take a joke.

laura b. said...

I am still good friends with my first boyfriend and I have to try with my ex-husband. But really, I don't have that many exes. Mostly, I would say there are no hard feelings, but no longer any affinity either.
I always think that you seem to have a good knack for handling people and this situation looks like no exception.

Pamela said...

great photo btw

Junkgirl said...

With many years of distance, I've been able to friend some old boyfriends on FB, but I will admit that I never request them--they have to request me. And, my ex-husband is also a friend on FB, but I don't really count any of them as people I'm itching to see or talk to. (Maybe I should, given my current lack of friends!) Sometimes I get suspicious of people who want to stay friends with exes, because I think it's just a way to still make yourself look like a good guy or girl, especially if you did something wrong. Like Mr. B.--if you can still be friends with him after his idiotic behavior, it makes him feel less bad (maybe--just my pop-psychology talkin').

MrManuel said...

Yeah, I am still friends with some exes and it isn't awkward at all. It shouldn't be. If people are grown up, and I am not saying you, but just in general, it shouldn't be weird at all.

Churlita said...

Rel,

I'm like that too. I just want to make sure that when I run into people, there's no unpleasantness.

Mrs.,

I live in a really small town, so avoiding people can be tough. Plus, that bad blood stuff really bothers me. But it would probably be easier to do it your way. So much less messiness.

Tara,

Taht's tough. I'm not sure what I'd do. I've never unfriended anyone on FB before.

Another,

I have to do that for me. I think so many of the world's problems are caused by poor communication and so many friendships/relationships are ruined by people not letting others know how they really feel. Life's too short to close off your emotions.

Johnny,

Totally. He's really insecure for good reasons. So, he'd never get out of a relationship without getting into another one...Which caused the overlap with me and his other girl. I just REALLY don't believe in cheating, so it bothered me a lot to be part of something like that without my knowledge.

Skyler's,

Ooooh. Stalkers are bad. I had a couple of those. With men, it's usually a sign that they're also abusive. Bad, bad, bad.

Pamela,

Exactly. It is to me. I had a connection with most of the guys I dated, and I'd hate to lose the good part of that, just because the romantic part didn't work out.

Ananda,

Yeah. He's one of the funniest people I've ever met, so I was surprised he took that the wrong way. I think it was because he felt guilty about the way we ended things.

LauraB.,

I'm hit and miss. I'm not a big fan of confrontation or drama, but I'm all for working things out with the friends I care about.

JunkGirl,

I'm sure that's it for him. no matter what else, I know he really liked me as a person. So, I'm sure it would bother him if he thought I didn't like him at least as a friend. For me? Some of mine might be abandonment issues, but I try to leave any friendship/relationship on the best possible terms.

Mr manuel,

I feel the same way. And it wasn't weird for me, but I had a feeling it was for him...Just from things I heard from our mutual guy friends.

Poptart said...

i love that you threw in the part about the pipes being frozen - that's my churl!!

I'm the world's biggest spaz about guys in all forms so there are varying degrees of friendships and enemyships among the very few guys I have been involved with. None I would call real "friends," but one or two are on facebook.

I need more exes, i think.