Monday, January 25, 2010

Hey There. Don't Pay No Mind. If You're Under 18 You Won't Be Doing Any Time

Here are some icicles hanging off of my house.

Okay. So, today is one of those good thing and bad thing posts. I know I always say that life is a weird mix of good and bad and sometimes the bad outweighs the good and others the good outweighs the bad but no matter what, you can always find both in there somewhere.

As usual, I'm giving you the bad first. I got a call at work near the end of the day from my daughter's high school. Apparently, some girl punched Stinky in the face. Awesome. This particular girl had been threatening both Stinky and Coadster for the last few little whiles. Turns out, she dated some boy and he dumped her at least 6 months ago. I guess she just couldn't let go of him. The boy in question has been one of Coadster's friends since grade school and was on her soccer team and was in the group of kids who all walked home from junior high together. The punching girl, didn't like it that Coadster was friends with him. She had a bigger problem with Stinky, because said boy like, liked her.

Anyway, Stinky told me the girl was sending her threatening texts and voice mails. I told her to save all of them. If there's one thing I've learned after leaving my abusive ex, it's document, document, document. I also told Stinky that if the girl tried to start something, just to ignore her and walk away. Which is exactly what she did. The girl didn't like that Stinky wasn't playing along, so she punched her in the face a couple of times and bent her glasses. I guess that's one way to get her attention. A bunch of guys pulled her off and Stinky immediately ran to the bathroom to cry (which is exactly what I would have done). A couple of her friends came in and took her to the principal's office. She showed him the texts and he reviewed the security camera footage, to make sure Stinky didn't provoke it or anything. Later, he told me she didn't even defend herself. So, maybe she listened to me a little too well that time. Oops. Now I get to feel like shit for the rest of my life.

I asked him if my girls were going to be safe going to school tomorrow and he said he promised it. This girl has been in and out of trouble for years, so the principal didn't seem the least bit surprised by this. Actually, he just sounded really, really tired. He was going to call the girl's foster parents next and make them bring her to school for a meeting. Stinky's pretty shaken up and it looks like she's getting a shiner. So, maybe that will make her look bad-assed enough that the next psycho tough girl will leave her alone.

...And now for the good news. After walking home for 35 minutes in the snow and crazy winds and stressing out about poor Stinky the whole way, I checked the mailbox and found Coadster's letter of acceptance for Iowa State. Hip, hip, hooray! She still has to arrange an audition to the school of music, but she's been admitted into the college of liberal arts there. I guess this weekend we'll be filling out a hundred million forms for housing, financial aid and other scholarships. Let the financial blood letting begin.


Mnmom said...

Make sure that girl is expelled. Seriously expelled - not just some in school suspension. You daughter, and future potential victims, have a right to safety in school. And make sure you press assault charges. DON'T leave this totally up to the school. They are overloaded and can't take care of every problem. Get the police involved.

I'm so sorry you and Stinky have to deal with this. What a completely crappy thing to happen. And tell her I would have run to the bathroom and cried too.

Poptart said...

Poor Stinky!! I am so sad to hear this. Please give her an extra hug.

I think I am very happy for C but is that where she wants to go? DO they have a good music school? Is she still going to be a music teacher? What about UNI (or did you scare her away from that one...). Crap, I am behind on all this. I am SO happy she got in though! OMG she got into COLLEGE! Crazy stuff, Mama.

rel said...

A big Hurrah for Coadster. She must be kite high with the news. It's such a relief when that acceptance letter arrives.
Poor Stinky. A lesson in turning the other cheek is probably not fullfilling at this point. And, unfortunately the puncher will likely feel no remorse, and that's the problem.

Tara said...

Oh man, poor Stinky! I think I would've been too shocked by it all to defend myself. I know I would've cried it out, though. Sounds like the principal is aware of everything and going to take care of things. I'm glad you taught Stinky to document everything.

And yay to Coadster! Congratulations!

SkylersDad said...

Poor Stinky, that is such bullshit that she has to go through this. But huzzah to Coadster also!!

Pamela said...

I'd have a hard time stopping myself from finding the girl and beating her up... ugh. But those magic words 'foster parents' and you can understand i tsome. Doesn't make it right though.

thisnewplace said...

there was a kid at our school who kept giving my friend's son a hard time, hitting him, spitting, calling him names, and the kid kept getting suspended. THEN he didn't return this year. Aparently, the foster parents had the kid taken away from them! I am sorry Stinky had this happen. Although we want our kids to defend themselves, at least there is no discrepancy of who was in the wrong on the tape! Congrats on the college! You know what, my stepmom is dirt poor, she is an artist and her exhusband/father of their child doesn't pay child support, my stepmom qualified for major financial aid for her daughter because of her income level and my stepsis went to UCSB and just finishing up...

Johnny Yen said...

As a recovering school teacher, er, I mean former school teacher, I'll throw my two cents in. First, I'm really happy that your daughter is okay. Secondly, I'm sure that they've been compiling "anecdotals" on this girl for a while. A lot of times, you have troubled kids who do enough to be a problem, but not enough to get them out of the school. If there's a silver lining in the cloud, this may have given the administrators what they need to get the kid out of the school and hopefully into a setting where she can get the help she obviously needs. I just wish this could have happened before your child got hit.

This whole situation is a real pain in the ass for teachers and administrators-- that's probably why he looked tired. We're stuck between what we should do and what we can do. He's probably been dealing with it a long time, and the kids actually have 4th amendment rights-- due process. When a couple of kids brought a loaded pistol (which was, thank god, confiscated before anyone was hurt) to my son's grade school when he was in 4th grade, the school was unable to expel them immediately. They had to go through the whole process of hearings, etc. It was infuriating.

And congrats on the acceptance letter!

A said...

I'm going to the bathroom to cry now - that is the major worst thing - I am so sorry that happened- tough year.
I never expected any less of Coadster she could go anywhere and will go everywhere -

Mrs. Hairy Woman said...

That girl needs to be made an example of.. that zero tolerance needs to be in place if not already... The safety of the kids is first.. I really hope that Stinky feels better soon.. this kind of thing should'nt even happen..She also should be charged.. If she already has had previous issues with the law.. then maybe some hard time will cool her jets..

Be well Stinky! it's such a ugly thing to happen to such a nice kid..and I would've run crying to the bathroom too!

congrats to Coadster! Way To Go Girl!

Ananda girl said...

Poor Stinky! Assault is not tolerated in our school, but it still happens. Not a good experience for her. I am sorry.

On the other hand... YAY Coadster!
Way to go girl!

And you too mom! Two wonderful daughters to be proud of in a world full of girls like the one who punched poor Stinky. How sad there is no one to be proud of that girl. But that does not excuse a thing in my book.

laura b. said...

I hope Stinky is feeling okay. Sounds like the hitting was just one more step in this troubled kid's hate campaign. In our district that girl would be immediately expelled. Hopefully, Stinky can complete this year in peace.

Congratulations on the great news for Coadster! She has the whole world right in front of her :-)

booda baby said...

Oh, that's just infuckingexcusable. Still, although this episode that we wish on NO ONE - particularly a child - has something important in it for Stinky.

My very personal opinion, and not necessarily recommended, is that not defending yourself is a good thing, kind of zen like. But it's invaluable to be clear on why, to know if there's forgiveness and confidence in your position, etc etc. Fear and not wanting to make waves or someone angry - THAT'S not a good reason to not defend yourself.

You are a good mom.

I can't wait to hear about all the scholarships Coadster gets!!

Churlita said...

Everyone, Thanks so much for your comments, knowledge and support on this post. It's really appreciated.

Love, Churls