Sunday, February 24, 2008

Nothing to Hide, Believe What I Say

Here's a picture that Erik took of me with open arms, or maybe I'm just trying to steady myself. You decide.

After yesterday's extremely mature butt post, I thought I'd change things up and talk about relationships. Mainly, my relationships. This weekend, someone told me that it made them a little uncomfortable to read about how strongly I felt about Erik on this here blog. They said they thought that by gushing so hard about how happy I was with Erik, I might kind of jinx our relationship. So, I figured I should just explore some of the things that were brought up in that conversation.

If you've read my blog even for a minute, you won't be surprised that I'm a very open person. Which isn't to say, that I talk about everything with you. As Erik pointed out when we addressed the subject this weekend, there are all kinds of things that you, dear readers, will never, ever know about my relationship with Erik. But, I was raised Southside Chicago Irish Catholic, and we generally aren't known for our stoicism. As I've said on previous posts, it's also very important for me to let people I'm close to know exactly how wonderful I think they are. Ask my daughters. They know without a doubt that I think they are the most amazing creatures I've ever met.

So, if I gush about Erik on my blog, it's way less than I do with him in person. If anything happened to me today, he would never have to wonder how I felt about him. Now, if that can somehow jinx my relationship, then it probably wasn't a very strong one to begin with.

That same friend said he was worried that I'd get hurt by being so openly happy with Erik. But I'm 42 not 22. I've been in several relationships before, that obviously all ended at some point, and I lived to tell about them. I guess I try not to look at break-ups as failures so much. Those other relationships weren't wasted time. I learned a lot from the people I've spent time with - both good and bad. In the few short months I've spent with Erik, I've already gained so much. On some levels, we are very different people, but we seem to fill in each others gaps. So, if things go sour between us, I will definitely be very sad. I really love Erik and I would miss a lot by not being with him. I'm also a strong person, and I've been single for many, many years. I do just fine on my own, thank you. And I hope that Erik and I would still be friends on some level no matter what happened between us.

I guess, what I'm trying to say, is that I can't help being who I am and who I am is an open person, and if I didn't tell people how much I cared for Erik, I can't imagine it would make me any less sad if things didn't work out between us. As Erik said when we first got together and were talking about working on having a healthy relationship, "All we can do is try." And, so I'll continue to be openly happy in my relationship and post all of the things I think are great about him on here. Just like I do with my friends and my family and my daughters. I don't know any other way.


Remiman said...

For my money, you jus' keep on being you. Living in the here and now and blogging about it.

evil-e said...

I know I did not make that comment...anyone who reads me knows that I am very much the same on the subject of Renee.

The way I see it is that I only have one life so why not let the people near and dear to me know how I feel about them. If I keep my mouth shut and croak tomorrow those people would have never known...and that is worse.

You keep blogging about Erik, some of us appreciate another like minded, like acting person. Us dorks need to stick together.

dmarks said...

I've known plenty of people who gush about relationships and nothing is ever, ever jinxed.

AlienCG said...

I hope I meet someone that I will want to blog about on regular basis. You two seem to have a very strong relationship and blogging about is not going to jinx it. Continue to keep writing about your relationship and we will continue read.

Anonymous said...

Can I just say, that I think you're f*cking amazing. And yes, I entirely mean the f*cking because 'amazing' by itself would not do what I think of you justice. I wish I could be more like you - it's incredibly refreshing to see that someone can be as open as you are!

Mrs. Big Hairy Woman said...

Yeah keep on with it.. you are happy and maybe some people can't handle the truth and can't appreciate how happy we can be with someone we love .. Every person that comes into our lives is special and we do gain something from it whether or not it survives or fails.. I'm happy that you are happy...

Anonymous said...

Dude, you being you is why I love ya!

and probably (because he seems like sharp guy from what you tell us) it's why Erik loves you too.

rock on.

Tara said...

Yes, please continue to post how you feel on your blog! If you're open, remain open. It's a wonderful, admirable gift and quality!

NoRegrets said...

See, the Irish Catholics spout off, and the Polish Catholics keep their mouths shut. I prefer the Irish Catholic way.
As long as you're having fun dearie...

Wavemancali said...

I've been reading your blog for quite some time now.

Since you've met Eric and included him, you've been writing "happy".

"Happy" is good. Ignore those that say otherwise.

fringes said...

Weird that we are blogging about nearly the same things these days. Twins!

minijonb said...

I think it's great you are so open about your relationship w/ Erik. You can stand on top of a building and scream about it if you'd like.

Anonymous said...

"you won't be surprised that I'm a very open person."

Well, no shit sweetheart!

When are you going to bring this fellow down to Ottumwa to meet your equally interesting and spiritually fulfilling family.


laura b. said...

This is your blog. You control the content. And lately? You have been so happy! No one could or should begrudge you that.
Let Love Rule.

DJSassafrass said...

If they are uncomfortable reading...they certainly don't have to...and yes, at this point if men can be 'jinxed' by things like this...well, that's very sad.

Churlita said...


Thanks Rel. It is all I can do.


We should totally start a dorks in love club.


Yeah, and if it is, then it probably wasn't going to work no matter what.


I'm sure you will. And I can't wait to read all about it.


Thanks. It's something I've become as I've gotten older. You have many, many years to get to that point.


You said that very well. I totally agree.


Thanks. Poor Erik has to put up with me being me and I'm sure it's not always easy.


Thanks. I have no choice. I suppose it's a blessing and a curse. Every once in a while, I think it would be so great to be cooler about things.


It's crazy how we're all products of our environment, isn't it?


I like to think so too. Happy is much better than the alternative.


I think it's more good than weird. We both deserve to be happy.


I just might do that too.


Time is the biggest obstacle for that. We're lucky if we get to see each other for a few days in either town, let alone travel to O-town. Maybe at some point...


You said that perfectly.


I think there was some concern for my happiness by this person. So, I'm going to look at him trying to have my best interest in mind, and not think that he wished for my unhappiness. I'm kind of stupidly half-full like that.

Margaret said...

some of us read your blog because you are so open and it's endearing

booda baby said...

I don't even have to read the other 17 faster-than-me people to know (or at least believe) that we're all on the same page. You can call it gushing but I read it as a big fat and wild celebration of some sweet coincidence. We can meet people our whole lives and there's always something slender separating us. What a thrill to meet a wonderful guy who's in the right heart and head space at the same time. A different city and state? That's nothing and hardly any obstacle at all compared to the other stuff.

I'm sure whoever said the jinxing thang to you meant well, but I'd meaning well and being on the side of seizing life aren't the same thing. (WHAT?) What I really meant to say what that's their problem.

Churlita said...


Thanks. I will totally take endearing.

Booda Baby,

Thanks. I figure I better take my happy when I can find it and appreciate while it's here too.