Thursday, January 26, 2012

Turning Into My Soul


I'm not one much for labels. They only seem to cover one part of a person, but The Guy likes to tell me I'm an endurance athlete. I think that's pretty accurate, in many different ways.

I've lived most of my life, having to endure things. I'm not particularly patient, but I am diligent and if there is one thing I can do, it's endure. When I was younger, I endured the death of my mom, and the indentured servitude of my abusive legal guardians, my "lost" angry years, an abusive marriage (since I thought that's what I deserved) and the four years I spent reading, journaling and working on my self-esteem issues and insecurities, so that I would never again think I deserved an abusive relationship.

I counted down the hours and days until Stinky regained consciousness from her meningitis, and the minutes that seemed like hours for the tornado to slam into our basementless house and move on.

Here is a lone boxcar.

So, now that I know I can do it and I try to actively keep as much bad stuff out of my life as I can control, I don't worry so much about being happy and waiting for the other shoe to drop. Instead, I count the minutes of my brutal trainer work-out or the miles of my relaxing after work run. Every once in a while, I regret the time I wasted in bad situations in the past, but mostly, I'm too busy "enduring" the fun and athletic life I've worked so hard to create.


laura b. said...

Beautiful post.

Some people endure, but are unable to move beyond that stage. They continue to simply endure.

You learned and grew and you deserve every happiness the world has to offer!

Mrs. Hairy Woman said...

Great post..

Most can endure many bad things and then can't let go of that bad stuff later in life.. You have "endured" much over your life and you obviously have made yourself a success.. You deserve to be happy and not worry about all that other bad stuff.. Lose too much time doing that..
Hurray for you.. You go girl!

SkylersDad said...

Well said, and I think you turned out pretty damn awesome!

rel said...

Living in the moment is a worthy goal to work at.

silly rabbit said...

I think in life as well as in exercise... endurance builds strength and you are a strong woman!

NoRegrets said...

Very nicely written. And you've brought what you need and want into your life. Which is good.

Johnny Yen said...

Enjoy every minute of it-- you've earned it.