Happy Holidays to You

Man, I had a bad week last week. The lens popped out of my reading glasses, and since I just got them about two months ago, I took them back to the eye glass place to see if they could fix them. While the woman was fixing them, she apparently broke the frames. So, then she had to order a warranty pair and I guess that will take a few weeks for me to get them. Now I'm back to wearing my old reading glasses and I'm doing a lot of squinting trying to read stuff at work. Pretty.

Then on Thursday I went into the dentist to get a crown. I really hate going to the dentist, because I have to pay someone money to hurt me. This time, I guess the dentist got confused and drilled the wrong tooth. So, he had to fix that mistake before he could even start on the right tooth. I will give him credit. He told me he made a mistake and apologized and all that jazz. My mouth was just even more sore than it usually is after having a crown. Like I said to someone else, at least he wasn't trying to amputate my leg.

So, because not just last week, but this whole year has kind of been a shit show, I've been making a big point to celebrate this holiday season. I've seen those people on Facebook who want to pretend that there is some imaginary war on Christmas and it just cracks me up. Listen, people, there are about 14 different holidays occurring this time of year, and after the way things are going, why wouldn't you want to celebrate every one of them? Seriously, I might have to sacrifice a goat or eat pig's blood or even worse, make crafts, or whatever other way anyone celebrates, but I am all up for partying anyway anyone wants to party. So, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Happy Solstice, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Goat Sacrificing Day (?), and most of all, Happy New Year!

Anyway, what my point started being, before it became a rant (as my points so often do), is that I've been going nuts celebrating the holidays this year. I got a real Christmas tree for the first time in years, John and I listened to a Charlie Brown Christmas while we wrapped presents last weekend, and I painted my own Christmas cards.

The only drag about making your own Christmas cards is that it takes a lot of time, so I only made 8 this year to send to immediate family. Then everyone else seemed to be getting in the spirit of the holidays, and we're getting tons of cards from friends and family, and the last couple of days people have been leaving gifts at our front door. We got nice, big coffee/tea mugs, a tea towel that says, "My cat would make a better president" (ha ha), and homemade baked goods, and candy. It's all so sweet and unexpected. I just feel bad that I can't reciprocate. I will make some Christmas hummus and drop some off at people's houses on Christmas Eve, but that's about all I can do, what with working, and not being able to run to different stores because of the pandemic.

 

Tomorrow is my  is my last day to work before I get a lovely four day Christmas weekend. I can't wait. I still have to bake and decorate sugar cookies on Christmas Eve (and make the Christmas hummus, of course), but other than that, my long weekend will consist of eating food and drinking grog, and watching movies and playing outside and enjoying the season. I hope you all are able to celebrate at LEAST 14 different holidays before the end of the year too.

Follow Me in Merry Measure. While I Tell of Yule-tide Treasure

Hey, kids! We finally got some snow this weekend. It's been such a warm December so far. I'm not complaining, but it would be lovely to have a white Christmas, and I do love playing in the snow when it isn't too damn cold.

As you all probably know by now, I am an outdoorsy girl (old lady). Playing outside makes me happy and clears my foggy brain.

So, when John suggested we go for a snow hike in our local woodsy park, I was all for it. We had one of those heavy, wet snows that sticks to everything and makes the whole world seem frosted.

We wandered all around the park and saw so many sweet puppies running around like the happiest of fiends.

We also walked past the sledding hill, that I used to take my girls to when they were younger. Back then, I'd pile them up on a sled and pull them to the park. 

It was great to see so many families out playing in the snow. It felt like we were in a movie, or we had walked into a Norman Rockwell painting or something. I really do love that festive holiday shit.

I still wanted to get a run in. I love snow running almost as much as I love snow hiking. So, John and I headed to the car and went home, where I changed out of my snowy clothes into some clothes that were about to get snowy.

 Running on snow is at least twice the work-out running without the snow is, but I really love it. There's something about being out there, when almost no one else is running. I wear those old running shoes that John put screws on the bottom of to keep me from slipping and sliding.

When I was almost home, on the bike path behind our house, I saw this bench where someone had written I Heart U in the snow. It made me so happy. I love when people try to spread that love around...Especially right now when so many people are feeling isolated, and have people close to them dying from this pandemic. 'Tis the season to be empathetic and spread good cheer. Let's all do our equivalent of telling people we love them in the snow on benches this year.

Memories That Come at Night. Take Me to Another Time.

 Wow. I just came across a Thanksgiving post I wrote in 2006. What a difference 14 years makes. Here it is:

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

It's Time for the Good Times. Let's Forget About the Bad Times. Oh Yeah.

Here is some phallic cornucopia for your holiday.

Probably by the time you read this, it will be Thanksgiving. So, happy holiday and hug the closest Native American you can find - because it really should be their holiday afterall.

Me? I'm just happy for the shortened work week. Unfortunately, I packed a lot of crap into the three days. I think in this post, I'll examine the good and the bad of things lately.

Here is my list of things that make me go, FUCK!:

1.) I got home from work yesterday and found a disconnection notice on my door from the water people. We had spent so much time together in September, I thought we were close to becoming friends or family, but it turns out we're not. On further review, it appears that the water people are those snotty-ass girls in junior high who pretend to be your friend and then suddenly start talking all kinds of shit about you in an effort to make all the other junior high girls hate you.

I had to go down today to figure out why they were again asking me for almost $200 or they would shut my water off within the week. The woman told me I was two days late in paying my bill and that voided the payment plan we had set up and she was forced (although it killed her to do it) to ask for the amount due in full and to charge me a $20 fee for posting the disconnect notice. Her hands were tied, you see. I tried to explain to her that for the last two months, my bill was due on the twentieth and for some reason this bill was due two days earlier. She didn't care, because it says right there that if you are late in paying, the payment plans becomes null and void. I let her go on for a while with the "Blah, blah, blah. Beyond her control, blah blah." And I blank stared her and sighed excessively until I started hearing, "Blah, blah, blah. I guess I can just reinstate your payment plan, but you have to pay what's due this month right now and I suppose I can write off the $20 too..." Thank god, it's over. But I really can't emphasize enough how much I hate dealing with The Man.

2.) I had to go to the mall tonight. Three of my nieces have birthdays this week and a few of the relatives won't be coming back for Christmas. The mall was pretty empty, but there were still those people in the middle of the aisle that bug you about trying their stupid products. Stinky went with me and talked a lot about her friends and who was dating whom and who she had to call and break up with a boy for one of her friends so that they wouldn't get yelled at. Apparently, it's all very delicate and complicated. You would hate to just be straighforward or anything.

3.) I was immensely stupid at work today. The kind of stupid where you find yourself staring at the computer screen and wondering what you were doing and then when you try to focus, all you can do is obsess about what you're going to make for dinner. I'm expecting to be plastered all over the error report on Monday.

4.) I came to the sudden realization today that it has been almost exactly four years since I've dated.

Now, here is the list of things that make me go, YEA!:

1.) The weather is amazing. 60 fucking degrees outside. Can you stand it? I was too warm walking around in a hooded sweatshirt and jeans. I'm not sure if it's the kind of warmth caused by El Nino, or if it's scary global warming, melting ice caps while I jauntily tie my sweatshirt around my waist for the walk home from work.

2.) My boss' wife is about ready to have a baby and he has been in an awesome mood lately. He even sang me G 'n' R during the last cold November rain. Maybe he won't sweat that error report too hard on Monday...

3.) The students have been gone all week. Iowa City has seemed like a ghost town. You can even find parking downtown. Honestly, I don't think I viewed one Illinois license plate in the last few days. I was the only runner out tonight too. It was great to have the sidewalk all to myself.

4.) I came to the sudden realization today that it has been almost exactly four years since I've dated. I put this on both lists because I'm still 50/50 on whether this is good or bad. I suppose I better wait to date a little longer until I decide it should only live on the "bad things" list.

Okay, now run along and start masticating.

Posted by Churlita at 11:24 PM

Yeah, When I Get to Heaven, I'm Gonna Take That Wristwatch Off My Arm. What are You Gonna Do With Time, After You've Bought the Farm?

Well, Kids. It was a cold and blustery weekend here in Iowa. Which meant there were no 72 mile bike rides for me THIS weekend. Worst of all, I had a migraine on Saturday. I know it's been a while since I whined about that here on the blog, so I thought I'd go ahead and do it now. Wah.

I had made this big list of things I wanted to get done over the weekend, but I had to take my migraine meds on Saturday morning, and then I was pretty useless until the afternoon. I did rally after lunch, however. I went to the store to get groceries, and since I work from home, and I haven't been to the store in two weeks, when I left, John said, "Have a fun social life!" I have become one of those people who's only social experiences happen at the store. There is a pandemic though, so cut me some slack, damn it.

My other big project on Saturday was to scrub the hell out of the cupboards and the kitchen floor. Some of my motivation was to get rid of the two week old flower water smell, and I know it's not a big deal to most people to clean their kitchen floors and cupboards, but as you've probably guessed, I'm not the most fastidious housekeeper, and also, I got down on my hands and knees and cleaned the cupboards and the floor. There wasn't even a mop involved. So there.

Anyway, Sunday was better. I had a little tiny migraine pain, but nothing that couldn't be helped by taking some Advil. So, I read and drank tea and made myself some pancakes for breakfast, and then I got out and went running. It was the first run I've had where my body didn't completely rebel against me. I even had a little runner's high. Yea! It didn't hurt that my iPhone threw up a decent playlist. I got some Violent Femmes, Jill Scott, Aimee Mann, Chance the Rapper, The Psychedelic Furs, and Billy Bragg and Willco.

When I got home from my run, John asked what my plans were for the afternoon. I said, "Well, I was thinking I would either rake leaves, or clean the hell out of the living room, or start washing and prepping to paint the laundry room. Which of those do you think needs to happen first?"

John replied, "Oh. I guess I wasn't thinking about any of those things. I thought we could go to Coralville and ride the mountain bike trails there..."

"Sweet! Okay. I haven't ridden my mountain bike since last Spring." And that exchange right there is why it is always a big damn deal when I clean my kitchen floors. We will always opt to play outside instead. Of course, if I died tomorrow, I wouldn't care whether the leaves in our yard weren't raked, but I would be pissed that I didn't take that last opportunity to play bikes outside.

 Oh, so, on the way to ride bikes, we stopped at our local food Co-op to get some French bread to have with the potato leek soup I was making for dinner. I gave the cashier my member number and slid her the bread, and she said, "Well, you don't owe anything. Bread is free for members today." What the fuck? For a minute there, I thought maybe I died sooner than tomorrow, and through some incredible glitch on the universe's part, I made it to heaven. Then I remembered it was just bread that was free and my heaven would also have free beer and cheese. So, then I knew I was still alive, just having a very good day.

And You Can Send Me Dead Flowers Every Morning. Send Me Dead Flowers by the Mail.

So, let's see if t-Rump will follow his own advice from four years ago. I think it's embarrassing for him and his minions to not accept that he not only lost the popular vote , but the electoral college as well. Being the narcissist that he his, he has to make himself seem like a victim. Like Democrats just want him out of office. Do his followers really think that if the Democrats were able to cheat in an election, that they wouldn't make Moscow Mitch their first priority? He is at least as big a threat to our democracy as t-Rump is. Duh.

Anyway, we had a lovely warm-up for a at least a week, but then it got cold and rainy again, and my last withered garden bouquet has stood as a reminder of that for a little too long. You'll be happy to know that I finally threw out my dead flowers today, but not before I knocked it over and it spilled all over our table and our floor and I might have to now burn our kitchen down in order to get rid of that bad breath, two week old flower water smell from our house. Like I always say, it's hard to be me...But it's probably way harder to be John. Poor guy.

 

As the pandemic rages  across our country with our lame-ass governor making Iowa a hot spot, I'm trying hard to stay home and amuse myself as much as possible. We watched and loved "The Queen's Gambit" last week. Except, now John thinks he's going to teach me to play chess and that I'll be really good at it and love it as much as he does. Little does he know, that I tried to play a few times when I was younger and I sucked and I just don't have the attention span to do very well at it. I guess he'll just have to learn the hard way. Please refer to the paragraph above this one where I said, "poor John".

The other scary thing I've been doing while I am staying home and hopefully, saving lives is watching "The Gilmore Girls" and also reading "The Handmaid's Tale". Talk about a mind fuck. The combination of the two very differing societies and women's roles in them is almost like taking drugs...Maybe not even good drugs. Just ones that make you dizzy and confused and a little angsty. I'm not sure why I keep up with the combo, besides the fact that I started it, and then it was amusing before it got too weird. I can quit anytime I want, I just don't want to...

Anyway, stay safe, wear masks, don't go out in public if you don't have to, and try very hard not to watch "The Gilmore Girls" in conjunction with reading "The Handmaid's Tale". I care about all of you.

It's Been a Long Time, Long Time Comin', But I Know a Change Gonna Come. Oh Yes It Will

Oh my god, you guys! Biden and Harris won! I am so excited. People in our neighborhood were lighting off fireworks, like it's another Independence Day. It definitely felt like it after four years dealing with the lame duck, conspiracy theorist in chief.

Sadly, we'll still have to deal with the ever divisive, party before country, Moscow Mitch, who seems to do his damnedest to make everything worse for our country, but it will be so nice not to have to deal with the circus that has become t-Rump's cabinet. So many grifters. Let's just hope t-Rump keeps his promise to leave the country when he loses.

We used most of yesterday to celebrate a return to democracy in our country. Of course, our favorite ways to do that are with exercise and alcohol. Duh.

We rode 72 miles to Columbus Junction and back. We had lunch and Margaritas at Las Palmas, and then headed to the Swinging Bridge.

Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention that it was in the lower 70's on November 7th, and according to the weather forecast, it will start getting colder again tomorrow, so we really felt the pressure to stay outside as much of the day as possible.

It was great to see so many people excited about the presidential election results around our little part of Iowa.

We headed home after our bridge walking and finally caught the lovely tailwind. Thank jeebus for that, because after all that delicious Mexican food and with tequila legs, that 36 miles back might have killed me.

I love this photo, because it is sooooo Iowa. A bicycle passing some kind of, what is that? A gator, a four wheeler, a souped up golf cart? on the side of the highway. And don't forget to wave.

We passed some more barns and silos and made it home just in time.

Our farmer friends wanted to celebrate the Biden/Harris win with us, so I made some red mashed potatoes, and grilled some zucchini, and sword fish steaks and some garlic butter Coho salmon. 

We had a lovely fire and sat around and ate and played with our friends' puppy and finally had to drag ourselves in the house by 9 o'clock. I think we celebrated that shit like bosses. Let's hope it all sticks and that t-Rump doesn't finally lose his shit completely before the exchange of power happens in January. At least it's nice to feel hopeful again.
 

And Now Democracy is Ragtime on the Corner, Hoping for Some Rain

Well, kids. It looks like it's going to be bumpy ride this week. I am saddened that it's even this close. That this many Americans could vote for such a horrible, narcissistic toddler. He showed what kind of a selfish, bad man he was these last four years, and THAT many people still voted for him. It's so bizarre.

 

A few weeks ago, I bought my first laptop in my life. I still have my 11 year old desk top, but I wanted something I could lug around with me and write on the back porch, or upstairs in my dormer room. So, because I am old, I bought a heavy laptop with a 17 inch screen, and a DVD player in case we lose our internet for almost 2 weeks again and I am forced to watch the strange combination of movies I have on DVD (we're talkin' Deadpool, I Love Lucy and Mary Tyler Moore episodes, Marvel comic movies, and the WORST romcoms you've ever watched) . I also got a mouse with my laptop because apparently, I will never be comfortable using the little thingy you have to move with your fingers. I have tried and I think it took me an hour and half to scroll down a page before.

Anyway, I was downtown on a Saturday morning, and because it's right across the street from our fine university, it is much like a ghost town before 10 o'clock on a weekend. So, I thought I'd check out the new Target that just opened a couple of months ago, and has had a line out the door of it almost every time I passed.

It's an adorable little store with mostly grocery items, a few clothing items, electronics, and home/dorm goods. I picked up an extra power strip, a super soft fleece blanket that I thought the cats would love, but Heidi defiantly refuses to sleep on. She will form herself onto a pillow, or a folded blanket or sheet before she would deign to allow her precious fur to touch that heinous, soft, plush, cozy, fleece blanket. WHATever. Most importantly, I bought some bicycle book ends. They are perfection....Well, if you consider cheap, faux wood and some kind of weak-ass metal in the shape of a bicycle perfection.

Originally, I was thinking I would get it all ready like a cozy lair for Winter, but after this election and the pandemic that seems to only be getting worse, it may just have to be my panic room.

Also, the book in the picture above is AH-MAZING. I had never read it before, but it hit me hard, almost like when I read "Rebecca", by Daphne Du Maurier. It is long, but there is so much going on and so much treachery to be scandalized by, that you (meaning me) could happily read that story forever.

Oh, yeah. I forgot that I also bought some more white lights to lazily drape over whatever crap I can find in my room. You know how weird I am about making rooms into little sanctuary spaces, with lots of different colors, and funky furniture, and ambiance lighting.

 Gus seems to appreciate my new and improved dormer/sanctuary/lair/panic room too. He has just discovered the fake fireplace and he thinks it's the best kind of TV, since the universe invented the washing machine. 

I am still hoping for the best in this election, but as you can see, I'm preparing for the worst. It could be a loooooooonnnnngggg Winter.

I Don't Bother Chasing Mice Around

So, Our little Gustavo P. Gustufson turned 5 months old a few weeks ago. He is getting so big, but most importantly, it was time to get him neutered.

He wasn't allowed to eat after 8 pm the night before, and if you know Gus Gus, you know that food is his favorite thing, so not eating stressed him out a little.

Believe me, I know how important it is to spay/neuter your pets. Every pet should be a wanted pet, and having a bunch of feral animals walking around does nobody any good, but it is also hard to pack up your beautiful hungry kitten in his plastic crate and hand him over to a stranger, who will give him drugs and cut his balls off, you know? But that's exactly what we did on Thursday morning, and then we went home to stress out about it all day.

They called us at around 2 o'clock to tell us that Gus made it through his surgery just fine, and that we could pick him up around three.

We went for a little bike ride, and then went to North Liberty to pick him up. The anesthesiologist  came out and showed us his blood work, then told us he seemed fine after his surgery, except for his little poop incident. Apparently, poor Gus decided to take a gigantic, messy shit all over the place and then roll in it. She said she had never seen a cat do that before. We always did say that Gus was special. Then she apologized for not being able to give him a bath, and just cleaning him up as best they could. Listen, as long as I don't have to clean up my shit stained kitten, I'm totally okay with him being half-assed cleaned off by someone else.

 She also told us that Gus was pretty drugged up, and that he shouldn't want to move much, but he definitely shouldn't try to walk up or down stairs in his drug addled condition. She lied to us. He was on deep spaz mode. She told us that we should try to keep him away form our other cats on account of the fact that he smells like the vet's office and his own poop. So, we decided to put him upstairs and then put a very tall piece of wood in front of the stairs, so he wouldn't be tempted to walk up or down them. Yeah, so instead, he found something to climb onto to jump up to the top of the piece of wood, and then jump down from there onto the stairs, where he preceded to run up and down. Damn it. 

We then just said, fuck it. We kept him downstairs and watched him around the other cats. They would just stay away from him, or hiss if they saw him two rooms away, or even thought about him.

The next day, Gus finally calmed down and did a LOOOOOOTTTTT of sleeping. It was actually quite peaceful for a day or two.

Now that I'm done singing the ballad of Gus' lost balls, I will remind you to vote...Hopefully, to vote out the super spreader-in-chief. Thank you.

And the Leaves That are Green Turn to Brown

Well, kids. It is definitely Fall around here. So, when in Rome...I did a bunch of seasonal shit last weekend. It's not that I don't like Fall, it's always more that I dread cold and the fact that "Winter is coming..." It's just a big wall I worry about getting slammed into every year.

But I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow. In that frame of mind, I descended on last weekend with fun plans.

It was unseasonably warm, which helped with that whole not thinking about Winter right now thing, and gave us fun options.

On Saturday morning, I played in the garden and made up flower bouquets to set out for my neighbors to pick up. It was National Mental Health Day, so it seemed like perfect timing. Then John and I rode our bikes for 25 miles and went home to get ready to ride our bikes some more.

A friend of ours had organized a progressive food ride, where you get a group of friends together (socially distanced, of course) and you ride to a friend's house and they have food and drink set up for you. Then you all get on your bikes and go to the next friend's house and they have different food and drink set out for you. So, basically you eat tons of food all day, but you kid yourself that it's okay because you are riding your bike a block or two in between eats. Man, do I love self-delusion.

The first house served lunch at 1 o'clock. They had sandwich fixin's and potato soup. It was lovely.

The second house was a snack house. They had cut up veggies in cups, with spinach dip and hummus. They also had that super cute seasonal mix of cheese popcorn, caramel corn, peanuts and candy corn in a serving size cup. Well, it was all cute except for candy corn, which I can't stand. So, I had to be very clever in hiding my cup under other things in the garbage, so no one could see how wasteful I was by tossing that vile food item. Yes, I am that asshole. Why do you ask?

We rode our bikes to my friend G.'s house who also served snacks. She had two baskets. One with variety pack bags of chips, and one with assorted Little Debbie snack cakes. You might think that people were upset at the lack of culinary delicacies, but you would be very, very, wrong. Seriously, when was the last time you had a Little Debbie snack cake? It's been forever for me. I wasn't the biggest fan of the Star Crunches, but you can bet your ass, I grabbed an Oatmeal Creme pie. It's just lucky for everyone there that they didn't serve any Nutty Bars, because I would have stuffed all of my jersey pockets with them without an ounce of shame.

Our last stop was our friends, Doug and Lisa. They served dinner there and had an awesome taco bar set up with grilled shrimp and chicken in some kind of delicious sauce. They also had hot queso sauce, guacamole, cream cheese frosted banana cake, and homemade chocolate chip cookies. Did I ever tell you how much I loved food?

Another great thing about this progressive food ride was getting to hang out with people's pets. There were adorable animals at every single house we stopped at.

The one bad thing, were the gnats. There has apparently been some weird Pirate Gnat infestation in Iowa this Fall. Yeah, I had never heard of them either. They were out in full force last weekend. In a sign of the times, one of my friends even used her broken mask to try to keep the gnats out of her drink. They were making it look like people shook all kind of pepper into their Mojitos.

Some of our friends got smart and ate in the screened-in-porch. If we didn't have to social distance, I would have been all over that.

As it was starting to get dark, the puppy got tired and that's when we knew we had to ride off into the sunset and go home. It really was a beautiful and fun day.

Later that evening, Coadster called me and asked me if I wanted to go to a pumpkin painting event with her the next morning. Before I could feel too special, she told me that two of her friends had backed out first. Whatever. I'll take it.

The event was held by a friend of hers that she met in junior high, but who now owns an adorable little shop in the town where Herbert Hoover was born.

 It was all set up nicely and safely with tables spread out outside and almost everyone wearing masks. I painted a pumpkin with ghosts and one that was supposed to look like Nemo. Coadster did a white pumpkin with the "Scream" face on it. It was very appropriate for 2020. She also painted one blue with moons and stars and clouds on it. I think they all came out very well.

 I spent most of the rest of the day taking care of chores that I should have been doing the last couple of days, and then John and I walked to Shakespeare's for dinner and a beer out on their patio. It all feels so urgent now, that we know these could be the very last warm days.

I know there are good things about Winter too, but right now...Right now, I prefer to crunch leaves and paint pumpkins and appreciate this season.

As always, don't forget to vote!