I'm Worth a Million in Prizes

Well, I've been writing and looking back at last year lately on the blog, so I thought I'd do a quick and easy "get to know me lately' post. It will be like those little bios they do of celebrities about what they're reading, or eating or whatever...Except way more boring. Sounds great, huh? Anyway, here we go.

What Have I Been Reading Lately?: A lot of different stuff. I'll write a blog post on it soon, but I just finished that Jean Stein biography on Edie Sedgwick, which was fascinating. I couldn't put it down, but it sure made me glad I never had to hang out with her in person. Yeesh!

What Have I Been Doing for Exercise Lately?: The answer to that, is not too damn much. Like I said, I had a bad stomach flu last week, then my glasses broke (they're being held together with scotch tape, so I look super glamorous right now). I also hurt my back trying to open one of our old, wood, stubborn, windows so that Archie could get out on the back porch. Of course, the litter box was directly under the window, so I couldn't get a good angle in which to heave it up. So, I think I pulled a muscle in my back. If that was just one week in my mid-fifties, what will my mid-seventies look like?

What Am I Watching On TV?: That's a very 1980's way of putting that. A roaring twenties way to ask that is, What Series' Am I Streaming Lately?: We just finished watching "Fleabag" and it was delightful, in that very uncomfortable, hilarious, bittersweet way that it has. I really liked "The Morning Show" on Apple TV. If you try to watch it, get through the first couple of episodes before you judge it. It really picks up steam as it goes along. We're also still watching, "Shameless", the latest season of "Grace and Frankie", and "The Mandalorian". Seriously, the only reason why me or anyone else watches that show is because of baby Yoda. There isn't any other reason, but baby Yoda is a very good reason to watch it.

What Movies Am I Streaming Lately?:  Since I was sick for an entire week, there are a lot of them. My daughter is letting me log into her Disney Channel plus thingy. It is the BEST thing to have when you are sick. I watched the live action "Aladdin", "Captain America", and "Thor" on it. John and I also just watched "On the Basis of Sex", the movie about Ruth Bader Ginsburg. I love her so much, and that movie was very uplifting. The women of the US are very lucky she worked so hard for us.

What Am I Painting?: I just finished the above acrylic painting on the largest canvas I've ever painted. It's one of the first things I have painted that I actually like lately. It's called "Desert Flowers". I have never had any formal training in drawing or painting (I'm sure you can tell just by looking at my work). Mostly, I just look at other people's paintings or drawing and copy what I like of them, and leave out what I don't like. Obviously, I'm a fan of abstract paintings. I also like the colors in this one.

What Am I Eating?: The answer to that is usually everything in sight. Since I got sick, I'm trying to change the way and what I'm eating. Mostly, I'm trying to eat more slowly, take smaller bites and stop inhaling my food as much. I'm also fighting that struggle against eating so much sugar (the story of my life). While I did eat half a doughnut the other day, for the most part, I've been able to avoid too much processed sugar. I have honey in my tea, maple syrup in my oatmeal, and I eat an orange or a grapefruit for snacks in between meals. I know it's only been a couple of weeks and I could always relapse, but if you knew how much sugar I ate before this, you would be proud of me.

What Am I Listening To? "Come On Up to the House: Women Sing Waits". It's a bunch of women singing Tom Waits songs. If you are one of those people who have a hard time dealing with Tom Waits' voice, you will really love this. I'm also listening to Kendrick Lamar, and even some Billie Ellish.

Okay, that's probably enough about me. What are you all up to?

You Are Always Trying to Keep It Real, And I'm in Love With How You Feel

Well, well, well, it's our third wedding anniversary today. We started dating in 2010. Which makes this the longest relationship I've ever been in before. It's definitely the happiest, healthiest relationship I've ever experienced. This post lists just a few of the many reasons why I am madly in love with John.

Like I always say, John works just as hard, or harder than me on everything in our relationship. He is always willing to pitch in wherever he can around the house. Believe me, I had never dated a guy like that before, but it wasn't too hard to get used to. He is also willing to talk about anything I need to talk about to work things out in our relationship emotionally.

In the past I seemed to date guys who were either emotionally unavailable, or if they were more emotionally available, they were abusive. So, after many years of working on my issues and not putting up with crap from other men, I was single and ready to be in a healthy relationship when John moved back to Iowa. It's true when they say it's all about timing.

John is amazing with my daughters. Dealing with women in their late teens and early twenties isn't always easy, to say the least. John is always empathetic and compassionate and no matter what kind of $hit my girls get into, he is there to assure us all that we're going to be okay. He's a nice rock to have in our lives.

John deals with the crazy of my extended family as well. My siblings and I have rather "interesting" (read: strong) personalities, which can mean drama among us, or very tense silences while the drama builds. John always says he's fine with it, since it's not HIS family. He's also so compassionate when it comes to my oldest sister's health problems.

By his actions and reactions, he is the best reminder to me to be kind and empathetic.

Since I originally met John when I was in college, we have many of the same friends, I know most of his exes, and we love most of the people we have met from each other. So, we can hang out with our friends and both of us can have a great time with each other's people.

I have been very poor for much of my life, and haven't been able to travel much. Now that my girls are adults, and I have a little bit more money, I want to go everywhere and see everything.

John always says that if he wants to keep his wife happy, all he has to do is agree to a fun trip in the next six or eight months, and she'll spend all kinds of time joyously planning it. He's a smart man. I am good with the planning, finding all the fun things to do, and the best places to eat and drink. I give him all the links, and he deals with the logistics. I have no sense of direction, so he has to find the bike routes and trails. He also does most of the driving.

John loves animals as much as I do. He brought his own beautiful cat into our relationship, and he tolerates mine. Archie knows that I'm his human, but if he's feeling like a baby, he goes straight to him and bugs him to carry him around the house. John always obliges.

So, nine and a half years into this relationship and three years into this marriage, I couldn't be happier. The best thing is, I'm never bored with John. Here's to many, many more years together!

They Just Don't Appreciate That You Get Tired

Being the end of January, it's high time for my end of 2019 race report. Although, "racing" is a strong word for what I did last year, I did what I could and learned a lot from that.

Migraine was the word that governed my competing. I had more migraines (or maybe it was just one that lasted forever) in 2019 than I've ever had in my life. I'm hoping it's the death rattle of my perimenopause and once I reach the other side of the hormone roller coaster to menopause, (hopefully, this year?) I won't be in so much pain. A girl can dream, can't she?

Anyway, 2019 started out pretty well. I didn't have too many migraines at the beginning of the year, and I was able to do some decent training. The weight gain that has been a companion to my hormones' downward spirals, has been another fun factor in all of this aging crap my body is putting me through.

 So, with this new found weight my body has been gaining, my running races were definitely lacking. Luckily, the running races I did, were with family, and I just had fun and did the best I could. the hard part was not comparing my current times with my past times. I can only compete against myself right now, I have to get over what my younger self used to be able to do. Sigh.

Although I didn't have the best Pigman Sprint Traithlon this year, I finally podiumed and won a pig. All that really meant, was that the strongest women in my category are about two  years older than me, and they aged up into the next oldest category. This year, I'll be right back with them, and I'll be kissing my pig dreams goodbye again.

The best thing for me (besides winning a coveted pig) was that I finished the triathlon this year. The year before I tried to race it with a bad cold, and couldn't make it to the end of the swim. In 2019 I finished, but my swim still sucked.One of these years, I'll conquer the swimming part. It might be another 20 years before that happens, but I'll keep trying.

 The one area where I felt like I excelled was in time trials. It could be that it just fell in the early Summer and my migraines were on hold, and time trials are a little more forgiving about extra weight. Another reason to love time trialing. Mostly, though, I worked my ass off to be better at them. I trained well and I made sure I took a few days off of riding before each one to keep my legs fresh. I can honestly say I am proud of how well I did (for me) on this one thing.

I was all set to go into cyclocross season with some strength and confidence, when I got hit hard. First I caught a two week long cold that sapped my strength. I went into my first race fairly fit, but not as strong as I had hoped.

Every year I try to change things up and work on stuff. 2019 was the year I went back to clipless pedals. I still rocked flat pedals, but they had clips inside them. I didn't wholly commit to them, though. So, 2020 will hopefully be the year I get used to staying clipped in for whole races, and to quit being so afraid that I won't remember to clip out when I need to.

I had a migraine for the entire month of September. You heard that right. It struck me on Sunday of Labor Day Weekend and nagged me until about the first of October. Holy $hit! You want to talk about debilitating.  I couldn't race during the month of September and I felt like I lost any strength I had built up in the last year.

I went back to "racing' the first weekend of October to Fayetteville, Arkansas. It was an easy course on Saturday, but then it rained six inches on Sunday and I just tried not to die. You'll be happy to hear that I made it out alive and was able to go on and ride, albeit very slowly, in almost every race I signed up for in  October.

Even though this was a hard year for me during cyclocross season, I got a lot out of it. We traveled to cool places, met really great people, played in the mud, learned a lot of crap, and I got stronger mentally, emotionally, and physically. I am here to rally for people (especially old people) to compete in a sport you love. It is a great way to grow old...I was going to say gracefully, but you've all seen me race. If you haven't, picture Lucille Ball riding her bike in the mud.

I'm coming into 2020 with migraines and weight gain still. Hopefully, those will both get better and better, but if they don't, I'll keep trying to get as much as I can out of everything I do. And most importantly, cut myself some slack when I'm not doing as well as I used to when I was younger. I have to work with what I've got now.

I will end with this statement of truth (my truth, anyway):

It is hard to keep racing when you are often competing for last place. If you are placing or even in the middle of the pack, you are motivated, and no one is pity clapping for you or wondering why you're wasting your time. Cyclocross is a great sport to not be very good at, because it's fun even when you suck, and the people are so supportive and welcoming. It still sucks to go back every week when you know you might come in last. So, to any of  you, like me, who come in last or second to last most races, I am ridiculously proud of you. Keep going.  Do what you can do and have fun with it. We're all doing this for ourselves and there's a lot we can get out of racing if we don't create too much self-induced pressure. Now, go out and play!

Hearts Flutter and Race, The Moon's on the Wane

I'm slowly crawling back from a bad stomach flu. I knew it was going around, but I was hoping that it might skip me this time around since I got so sick with it a few years ago. I will say, that it wasn't even half as bad as that time, but it still knocked me out for a couple of days.

So, today as I'm starting to get my sea legs back, I'm hanging out at home drinking tea, and I'm still only comfortable eating miso with noodles. I'm also watching documentaries. The good thing about getting rid of cable and just subscribing to the movie channels, besides saving money, is the amount of incredible documentaries they make available. So far today I watched a Betty White documentary on Netflix, and on Hulu, a biography of Toni Morrison and another documentary about the filming of Aretha Franklin's gospel album in 1971.

Boy, if you ever want to question exactly where you are in your life in your mid-fifties, just watch those three documentaries. Those women accomplished so much by the time they were my age. Just to be clear, I am not disappointed about where I am right now. I am very happy. I've never really cared about being famous, I just want to be able to adeptly create by writing and painting and drawing and photography, the things and ideas I have in my head.

Of course, the problem with that in my past, was finding the time and money. I have more time and money right now than I've ever had in my life, so that means that the other problem for me (as it has been my entire life) is walking that line between balance and focus. Mrs. Parsons, my 11th grade English teacher once told me that we always make time for the things we love. But what if we love so many things that we don't have time to do any one thing very well? I suppose this is where my attention deficit issues come in to play as well...

What if I chose one thing, say, writing and I threw all of my energy, and time, and passion into it? Then I couldn't really read, or run, or bike, or swim, or cross country ski, or garden, or cook, or paint, or have fun adventures with my husband and kids, or draw, or fix up the house, or photograph stuff, or (most importantly) mess with my cats. Just look at all of things I'd be missing out on? If I ask myself if writing well is worth giving up all of those other things, I'd  have to say, I don't think so.

Maybe that's the difference between someone who is a genius at what they do (I'm not disregarding talent). They have to give up so many other things to get there.

I once had a friend who told me, "You can do anything you want, but you can't do everything you want." As you know, I hate restrictions. So, what that means for me, is that I may never be a genius at recreating what's in my head onto a page or canvass or on film, and if you could see what was in my brain, you might think that was a good thing. Which leaves me with skimming the surface of a lot of different things. I can choose to invest more time on any of those things at different phases of my life (which I have), and then move on to the next thing. My grubby paws will be all over the place leaving my dirty fingerprints on all kinds of different disciplines. Will I be disappointed with myself for not getting really good at one thing? On and off, probably, but I would most likely be way more disappointed by missing out on trying everything I can get to and having all of those weird and wonderful and messy adventures.

We Need Body Rockin', Not Perfection. Let Your Backbone Flip, But Don't Slip a Disc

Okay. So, today's end of 2019 post is all about my training/work-out stats. This is where I figure out how I wasted so much time "playing" during the year. Here we go.

Running:  I logged 402 miles of running, both on pavement and trails. It's not anywhere near as many miles as I used to run, but I do all kinds of other things now too.

Hiking/Walking: This is only the miles I logged on Map My Run, so it's mostly when I went out specifically to hike. 38 miles.

Canoeing:   I canoed 9 miles when we were in Page, Arizona. I hope to get more paddling in this Summer, but we'll see.

Cross Country Skiing: We didn't get much skiable snow around here last Winter, despite how damn cold it was. I got in 28.5 miles of skiing in .

Swimming:  I didn't swim as much as I should have last year, which was very evident with the sucky swim during my triathlon last June. I only got in 9 miles of swimming in. Another thing to work on this year.

Biking: This includes pretty much every form of cycling I did last year - commuting, mountain biking, racing, cyclocross, gravel, pavement and time trialing. I rode 4,202 last year. I can't remember what my biggest mileage ever was, but I'm sure this is nowhere near it. Again, I'll see what I can do this year.

I also lifted weights here and there, and tried to do some stretching. I didn't really record those kinds of work-outs because, frankly, I didn't do much of either. Again, you know the drill, I'll keep trying. That's the nice thing about documenting all of this stuff. It's interesting to go back and see the correlation between how I trained and what my race results were for any given year. But it's also nice to know that these things go up and down and as long as I don't beat myself up on the down years, I can keep trying harder the next year.

I've Seen it in Your Eyes and I've Read it in Books

Today I'm doing my 2019 in books post. I read 92 books in 2019. I gave myself a couple of nerd girl challenges,  I read some great books, and some books where I finished them, and just went, "meh". Here is where I rank some of the best of my reads:


Best Short Stories:

Apparently, I only read one collection of short stories this year. I'll have to do better in 2020. "What is Yours is Not Yours" by Helen Oyemi is a pretty damn good collection to read, if you're only going to read one.


Best Children's/YA Books:

1.) "The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian", by Sherman Alexie.

2.) "The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe", C. S. Lewis.

3.) "Little House in the Big Woods"/"Farmer Boy", Laura Ingalls Wilder

4.) "Where The Red Fern Grows", Wilson Rawls.

5.) "The Wind in the Willows", Kenneth Grahame.

The Best More Current Fantasy/Sci Fi:

1.) "Adulthood Rites", Octavia Butler.

2.) "Anansi Boys", Neil Gaiman


The Best Classic Fantasy Sci Fi. There's a tie for first. Both of these books are so good, there's no way you could make one second best:

1.) "The Left Hand of Darkness", Ursula Le Guin

1.) The Lord of the Rings Trilogy", JRR Tolkien

The Best Detective/Mystery Books:

1.) "The Secret Place", Tana French

2.) "Devil in a Blue Dress", Walter Mosley

3.) "The Witch Elm", Tana French

The Best Classic Novels:

1.) "Portrait of a Lady", Henry James.

2.) "Madame Bovary", Gustave Flaubert.

3.) "Dracula", Bram Stoker.

4.) "We Have Always Lived in the Castle", Shirley Jackson.

5.) "Spectator Bird", Wallace Stegner


One of my nerd reading projects was to read all of the Jane Austen novels except "Pride and Prejudice", which I read the year before. I will now attempt to rank them in order of which I liked the best and on down (including P&P).

1.) "Persuasion"

2.) "Pride and Prejudice" - I would say this ties with Persuasion.

3.) "Sense and Sensibility"

4.) "Emma"

5.) "Mansfield Park"

6.) "Northanger Abbey"

Best Non-Fiction:

1.) "Educated", Tara Westover

2.) "The Liar's Club", Mary Karr

3.) "Me Talk Pretty One Day", David Sedaris

4.) "Unfamiliar Fishes", Sarah Vowell

5.) "Hillbilly Elegy", JD Vance


Best Overall Novels I Read This Year:

1.) "Homegoing", Yaa Gyaasi.

2.) "Possession" AS Byatt

3.) "Washington Black", Esi Edugyan

4.) "There There", Tommy Orange

5.) "La Rose", Louise Erdrich


So, that's all for books from last year. I noticed I didn't read any graphic novels and I need to read more short story collections, so I have that to look forward to in 2020. Happy reading to all you all!

And Everything Looks Good Tonight

So, it's the beginning of a new year, which means it's time for my end of 2019 posts. I figured the first of those posts would be about my firsts.

As some of you know, I think a good way to try to grow old gracefully and to still stay excited about life, is to challenge myself to do new things. It's tough as I get older, since I'm a creature of habit, but I'm always glad that I have. As always, some new things are great, and some are not.

This year, many of my new things happened on our Summer vacation. You know it's a great trip when you challenge yourself that often on it.

1.) The first new thing I did was have a snowball fight in July. It was great, because it was warm out, and it didn't hurt to be cold, like my normal snowball fights in the Winter. Also, it was great because we were in the mountains outside of Breckenridge.

2.) The second new thing I did was canoe with my family in a slot canyon. We did this on Lake Powell in Page, Arizona. It was so fun and so beautiful, I highly recommend it, if you can make it happen.

3.) The third thing I did for the first time was to hike in Antelope Canyon. This also happened in Page, Arizona. I would do this every year if I could. It was amazing.

4.) The fourth new thing I did was glamp. That's right - we stayed at a cool site right outside of Zion National Park that offered glamping. It was basically a wood floor with a big canvass tent over it. It had electricity, and most importantly, a chandelier over the bed. It was super cool.

5.) We canyoneered for the first time in Zion as well. While we didn't rappel in or swim in the coldest water on the hike, we did everything else. It was physically demanding, but the pay-off was worth it. It was one of the coolest experiences I had on our trip...And that's saying something.

6.) Now, for something COMPLETELY non-vacation related. I grew hollyhocks for the first time this year. I love them...But unfortunately, so do the Japanese beetles. Hopefully, next year I'll figure out a way to keep those beetles off of my flowers and vegetables.

7.) Like I've said before, some of my first times aren't all good. This year I had a migraine that lasted for at least a month for the first time in my life. I hope that never happens to me again. Eek!

8.) I went to Arkansas for the first time this year. We only stayed in Fayetteville, which is a college town, so there may be some bad parts of the state that I didn't experience, but Fayetteville was so great. We're planning on going back to Bentonville, Arkansas to ride mountain bikes in the next year or two.

9.) My last first thing this year is going to make me sound way more grown up than I actually am. I bought a new bike with money I saved instead of going into debt for it. Woot! What a big girl I am at 54 years of age. I made a rule that unless there was an emergency, I would try not to purchase anything with credit. I hope I'm able to keep that, but at least last year, I did...And I bought a pretty new bike.

What were the things you did for the first time last year? I'm planning on doing cool new stuff this year too. I may not age all that gracefully, but I plan on having fun doing it at least.