I'm Flat Broke, But I Don't Care, I Strut Right By With My Tail in the Air

Okay. Now I am going to tell you a long, weird story about what happened last Friday. So, there has been this BEAUTIFUL, possibly part Maine Coon cat that has been living under my neighbor's porch for a few months now. At first I wasn't sure if it didn't have a home, and just liked to lurk around our house because we love birds and squirrels and other small animals, and make a welcoming place for them, or if she needed some alone time from her family (which I understand), or what? But it was becoming clear to me that she was either lost or abandoned. One day she even sat in our backyard and cried, so I thought she was hungry, and gave her some of the cat's dry food, which she snarfed right up. I told John and he said that I shouldn't feed every animal I met. Then I tried to explain to him how food was love in my world, and I love every animal I meet...But ultimately, as much as it pains me, I had to admit that he was right. I shouldn't be feeding the BEAUTIFUL, stray, possibly Maine Coon cat, even though it was so sweet and followed me around my yard and rubbed against my legs for pets and scratches.

By Friday after work, I decided I should help the poor girl, and called the animal shelter. They said they were closing and I should call the Community Service people, and they would come and pick the cat up and bring her to the Humane Society when they opened the next morning. Cool.

So, I called the community service people, and they sent some guy out. We'll call him Chad, since the kids are saying that's the male equivalent of a Karen. Anyhoo, Chad comes over, I tell him the story, and that the cat is in the breezeway. 

Wait. Let me back track. While I was calling these people, the sweet girl kitty was lying on her back next to me, so I could rub her belly, and when the animal shelter guy talked to me, he told me to put her in a contained space. So, I picked her up and put her in the breezeway, where she FREAKED the f*ck OUT. I felt like shit. Here is this BEAUTIFUL girl all loving and trusting me, and I put her in the breezeway, and then betray her even more, by sending some Chad to pick her up against her will. She did NOT seem to appreciate the fact that I was trying to help her by getting her to a safe space. As far as she was concerned, I sold her out. I felt so bad...And still do.

Isn't she gorgeous?

 Anyway, Chad went in our mess of a breezeway with his cat carrier, and set it down in front of her, like he thinks she's going to calmly walk right into it. Huh. Then she moved, and he set it in front of her again, and she jumped over it and ran to hide behind some big pile of crap in our breeze way. Then Chad came out of our mess of a breezeway, and said that the cat doesn't seem to want to come, and he didn't want to hurt her by forcing her out. Ummmmmm. Has he ever met a cat? What cat in their right mind would calmly walk into a cat carrier? The cat carrier means you go to the vet!

I tried to be tactful (never my strong suit), and instead of asking if  he was new to the job, I asked him what he normally did when he tried to pick up a cat. He didn't give me much of an answer. Instead, he sighed and went back to the truck to get longer, thicker gloves. When he came back, he tried again, and then gave up again.

Chad came out and started saying something like, "Well, the animal shelter will tell you that a cat is an apex predator, and if you get rid of one apex predator, another one will come and fill that void..." Wut!? How the hell do you respond to that? First of all, we have lived here for 12 years and we have never had any kind of "apex predator" living in our backyard before, and second of all, what is he even talking about? Watch out! Don't make him get the cat, or bears and tigers will move into our backyard! So, I asked him if he was trying to say that we should just let the cat be feral, and not try to get her to a safe place? 

He said I should just call the humane society in the morning. I told him that I couldn't leave her in the breeze way. That's how we enter and exit our place, and she'll escape. Also, she came willingly the first time, but she's a cat, which means she's a lot smarter than I am, and she will never trust me again. So, Chad sighed and went back in. He chased her out from under the table, and she hurled herself against the screen door, and her paws got stuck on the little ledge where the screen hits the window, and he tried to use one hand to get her, and he not only must not have met a cat before, but he must be terrified of them. I suggested he use both hands to get her, and he did and she let him put her right into the cat carrier without a fight. I wish my cats could have been there to watch how a GOOD cat enters a cat carrier (the answer to that is NOT jamming every limb against the opening of the crate).

So, if that wasn't an example of  how no good deed goes unpunished, then the next little bit is a better example: Because I live in a very small college town, Chad happens to know one of my neighbors, and the next day, he was out with his wife or girlfriend and our neighbor, and some of their friends, and after a couple of beers, he started talking about some bitch (me), who made him come pick up a cat that was CLEARLY not lost, and probably just belonged to someone in the neighborhood. Wow. Apparently, Chad didn't want to do his job, and decided to create a story in his head that I just wanted to torture a poor cat that one of my neighbors owned. Why would I want to hurt a cat? I have no idea. Maybe to just make Chad's life hell? I mean, I get it. I don't always want to do my job either. I just don't blame other people because I have to do it.

I called the Animal Shelter on Monday to make sure she was okay. That's when I found out she was a female. I asked if she had a chip, and she didn't. Let this be a lesson. Get your animals chipped, so they can be returned to you if they get lost. I had to ask if they thought she had a home and was just hanging out at our house (old Chad made me paranoid about it). She said that she looked like she had been homeless for a while, since she was a little malnourished and she had some mats in her hair. So, I did feel better about it all. She said that if no one claimed her, and she got acclimated to her surroundings, they would get her spayed if she needed it, and try to get her adopted. 

If any of you are looking for the most BEAUTIFUL, and sweetest cat you will ever meet, please adopt her...And tell her I'm sorry.