I'm Tryin', I'm Tryin', I'm Tryin' and I'll Try

After a week, my memory of the boy is getting a little hazy.

Sooo, I'll just tell it like it is. Mr. Awesome never called me. Like I said before, I'm not all that surprised. I knew he had way too much going on already. He's got full custody of his son and he works two jobs on top of that. I have a feeling it was one of those things where last Saturday, when his boy was at his mom's house and he'd had a few drinks, it all seemed doable, but by the next day when he was probably a little hung-over, picking-up his son and eating that cold, hard reality sandwich, it didn't. I totally understand it, I have that same dilemma with dating too. It would be great, but it takes a lot of time and effort, and then even after you work so hard at it, sometimes it doesn't work out and blah and blah and blah. It's hard to know if it's really going to be worth it in the end.

I would like to believe at some point I'll meet someone and it will be worth it, but there seems to be a lot of sifting and sorting required to get there. You know? I've had a lot of people tell me that once I stop looking, then I'll meet my guy. I'm here to tell you, that it's a total load of crap. I gave up and then went four years without dating. I only picked it up again when I decided to give it another shot and actually made an effort.

My first time back in the ring wasn't all that great of an experience. So, all I can do is try to learn from that. And what I learned is not to push it. If someone tells me or shows me that they may not want the same things I want, I need to drop it - even if they ask me to be patient and wait for them to get there. The reality is, that a person either wants you and is willing to work on shit, or he/she doesn't.

Some people had advised me to call Mr Awesome. I have his number, because he called me on Saturday night the minute I got into my car to leave and then again an hour down the road on my way home. But I'm taking my knowledge from this Summer and putting it to use. If he was interested and wanted to work on things, he'd call me and get it going. Since it's been a week, and according to whatever K. looked-up on the web, (an invaluable source of information about relationships and emotions) that means he'll probably never call, I'm letting it go.

At this point, I just have to look at it as a positive thing. During those four years that I didn't date, it wasn't like I never got hit on or asked out, or whatever. It was more that I couldn't find a guy I was interested in and I wasn't willing to settle. Some of the guys I met, had a few things I liked, but then about fifty other red flags and a lot of them were like this other guy I met recently here in Iowa City. The first thing he told me was that he considered himself an intellectual (gross) and then he said he was an alcoholic (strike two) and finally he admitted that he had a trust fund. So, basically he could have been a little more efficient with his words by just approaching me and saying, "Hi. I'm an Iowa City cliche'" and I would have just assumed all the rest.

As I mentioned in my first post about him, Mr. Awesome was the first guy I had met in many, many years who met all the important criteria for me - he was open, and funny as hell and not afraid to admit he had feelings and of course, he was also really sexy. He kept asking me, "How could I have lived my whole life and not met you?" and he was like that for me too. So, I guess now I don't have to find out all the things that wouldn't have worked between us. He'll always be Mr. Awesome for me. And I still remain hopeful that there's at least one other guy just like Mr. Awesome, who will actually call me when I give him my number.