Maybe Your Attention Was More than I Could Do

So, yeah. We went to the bowling alley on Friday night and celebrated our friend R.'s 40th birthday. Bowling wasn't half bad, but the best thing about the bowling alley is what I call the blowy thing, but what everyone else likes to call a hand dryer. Whatever. I still like my name for it better.

You know how I get all giddy every time I run across an industrial fan or anything that will blow my hair back so I can pretend I'm Stevie Nicks in the "Stand Back" video? Well, those little hand dryer things are perfect for that.

I made everyone I could, pretend to be Stevie Nicks, and as you can all imagine, it was wonderfuckingful. The first photo was me doing it. Of course, I looked more like the gangliest weirdo in the world doing the chicken dance, than Stevie Nicks, but then we all got to have a good laugh at my expense, so it was worth it.

My friend GW was a perfect Stevie Nicks, because she has the hair for it. If only she had been wearing a caftan...

Our friend P. didn't have as much to blow around, but he definitely got points for giving it the old college try.

My friend Eggo thought it was really funny to tease me. She'd go up and say, "Look Churlita!" and then when I'd go to get my camera ready, she'd laugh and walk away. It was very mean, but then when she wasn't able to knock all the pins down, I told her it was karma for being mean to me. She finally let me take her picture and you wanna know what? After she did, she bowled a strike.

I think A. looked the naughtiest and therefore invoked Stevie Nicks the most accurately. All that was missing was some cocaine and Lindsay Buckingham.

K. was probably the most adorable.

...That was until I got the cutest little boy in the world to do it. He had no idea who Stevie Nicks was, and he was still able to channel her.

H.'s photo turned out a little blurry, but I think it helped to give her that gypsy feel.


And nobody, but nobody was able to master it with the same intensity as Libby. I mean seriously, right there, she is Stevie Nicks.

The Days Get Longer and the Nights Smell Green

Hey, here's some stuff people painted on the wall in that Dubuque Street walkway between Martini's and the Sheraton hotel.

So, after a busy week with my girls, I'm gearing up for a crazy, fun filled weekend with my friends. Play hard, play hard, that's what I always say. The good thing is, that the girls' dad is finally getting a car, so that will take some of the taxiing duties away from me. (...And it was good, and there was much rejoicing throughout the land...)

So, what all's in store for this weekend? Let me just lay it out for you. Tomorrow night is my friend R.'s 40th birthday party at the bowling alley. Considering the fact that I haven't bowled since junior high, this could be highly entertaining for anyone close enough to watch me wear funny looking shoes and nailing gutter ball after gutter ball. Don't worry. I'll make sure someone takes pictures. It's only fair. My friend K.'s boyfriend always says that they're just drunken fodder for my photographic attempts, I guess it can be my turn now.

This is the lovely, E. with her fiance Rory.

Then on Saturday, it will be time for my friend E.'s bachelorette party. I'm actually a little scared for this one. We're supposed to meet at my friend Libby's house at 5 for a pre drink drink. Then at six we'll head to E.'s sister's house and who knows where the hell we'll end up after that. I keep saying this, but it's true - if even half the women on the invite list show up, it should easily be the best party I've ever been to in my life. You know how I'm always asking you to pray for my unworthy soul all the time? Well, this time I REALLY mean it.

Then I Look at You and the World's Alright With Me

So, this time in 1992 I had been in the hospital since 2 am the night before and wouldn't give birth to a certain someone for another 9 hours. All of that should have given me a clue what I was in for, but I didn't know until later that Coadster would be so stubborn and never want to leave my side for years and years and sometimes still.

I remember when she was a little girl and she would have so much energy and so much compassion, and I'd think that if I had to chose the personality for my first daughter, it would be just that...But without the part where she's so hard on herself and beats herself up for every little mistake she makes.

She's definitely inherited both her parent's love for singing and dancing around like a total idiot. As a baby and a toddler she would sit in the front of her stroller and lean forward, so she could experience everything better. Because, seriously, what if she missed something? The whole world might explode.

The other big thing she's inherited from me is attitude. She is full of it, and who appreciates a sassy girl more than me? Let's all say it together...No one, that's who.


One of the things I love most about her is how true she is. Coadster doesn't worry about fitting in with the crowd. She is exactly who she is, and you can choose to like her or not. She doesn't make that her problem. I would have loved to have been like that in high school, and sometimes even now.

The hard thing to envision when your children are babies, is that they will become people someday. I don't think I could ever have envisioned just what a wonderful, talented, sassy, political, caring person Coadster would become. Happy birthday, Coadster the Roadster!

We'll Spend Some Time Forever

Well, those two last posts recounting the weekend were a lot of fun, but now I'm back on the chain gang. For the next two weeks, I'll have some kind of activity to attend for the girls almost every night. It's all great and I'm glad that my girls are so involved in stuff, it's just the whole time thing...Or lack thereof. When there's one of me and two of them, it seems like I get off work, get home, drive kids all over hell and back and then go to a choir concert, band extravaganza or soccer game. I come home to the messiest apartment ever and then it's pretty much time to go to bed. I know, wah fucking wah.

Honestly, I love my life, I love how chaotic and varied every day is and the only time I'm ever really bored is at work. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I can't wait for the next two weeks to be over so things can start getting on our slower, Summer pace. We'll be done with activities, and best of all, I've worked it so that for the six weeks after Memorial Day, I'll have at least one day off a week. How many times have I whined about needing at least one more day a week to get things done? Plenty. So, I just decided to give myself one for a while. Yea me!

Here is my oldest baby in her choir gown. I think she looks amazing in all that black, complete with matching hair. I can't believe she turns sixteen on Thursday. Holy fucking shit! She has to take an AP test on that day, and then she's going out for dinner with some friends to celebrate. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times, it's kind of embarrassing that my daughter is more mature than I am and has been since she was born.

It Comes Upon Me Without Warning

So, on Saturday we celebrated the birthdays of two of my favorite people the only way we know how - with a huge fucking dance party. My girl crushes birthday was on May 7th and my friend D.'s was on Sunday.

I would like you to recognize how smart I was by taking a nice, clean girl group photo at the beginning of the evening, because dance parties get sweaty and dirty in a hurry.

See? Like here, D. and J. and T. all still look pretty respectable and cute.


You know, but then we start the sandwich dancing, because apparently we never get tired of it.

Then maybe someone gets a great idea to stick their head in someone else's shirt and button around it so that it looks like some kind of freakish, sideshow appendage.


And other people start getting surly and flipping me the bird just because I very invasively and annoyingly want to take their picture.

The dance party begins in earnest and we get in the way of all the people trying to play pool.

My nicely straightened hair gets all unraveled and starts curling and frizzing just to spite me.


I'm left by the end of the night trying to figure out my IQ on my two fingers... Or am I counting the brains cells I have left?

Then we get to the "ashes, ashes, we all fall down" part of the evening and the chance to take any nice clean photos of ourselves will just have to wait until the beginning of another night, since this one is essentially over.

Is This the Place That I've Been Dreaming Of?

So, the weekend kind of got away from me and I didn't get on the computer much at all. Coadster had a double header for soccer games on Saturday and that took us away from our house most of the day.

Which is going to be my big lame excuse for doing the Saturday Scavenger Hunt late once again this week. The word this week was pink. At first I figured all those beautiful Spring blooming trees would be perfect for the word, but then when I thought about it some more, it seemed a little too wholesome for me and I went for something WAY more raunchy.

You know how some drunk guys are always trying to get girls to lift up their shirts for them? Well, I like to turn that around and make guys show us girls their goodies. Is it so wrong of me want to objectify men every once in a while?...Okay, all the time. Whatever.

On Friday night I found some guys gone wild and had them show me what they had. Some boys were shy, or had more class or maybe weren't so insanely drunk, but for whatever reason, they weren't down for exposing themselves. But luckily for me, I was still able to find some shameless souls and I appreciated them very much.

So, if you are offended by the pink things I'm putting up for the hunt, this is probably your first trip to my blog. It's okay. There are thousands of other blogs and many of them have much more class than mine. I won't be hurt if you're offended by my images and choose to read those instead. I've always been well aware of the fact that I'm not for everyone.

See How It is, They Want You or They Don't

Here's what I see when I look toward the downtown area on my way to work in the morning.

Hey, guess what happens when you blog drunk and try to get all earnest about dating and shit? Well, if you read last night's post, you know that you ( and as usual, when I say you, I mean me) fuck it all up and then have to clean up your internet shit the next night. That being said, this post is going to have to serve as an answer to all your comments from last night. 'Kay? 'Kay.

The tough thing is figuring out what the hell I was even trying to say. So, lets see....I'll just start by saying I hate dating. I am such a relationship girl and went from one to another, straight from the time I was 19 until I was 37. Then I had that 4 year stretch when I wasn't in a relationship and wasn't dating and last year I tried to start dating again. The good thing is that dating now is so much better than it was when I was in my late teens because I don't care as much and I'm a lot more confident than I was back then (which still isn't saying much). Dating definitely isn't my thing, but it's what I got right now, so I might as well just try to figure it all out. And I think that's what I was trying to do last night - however sloppy and disjointed it was.

So, when I was talking about what men wanted and honesty and whatever other bullshit I was spouting, it wasn't about relationships, it was more in the dating or "trying to get with someone" world. As I recall, the guys I was hanging out with were saying that they always think they want every pretty girl they see, but really they're much happier and the sex is much better when they're in a relationship with someone they're really attracted to and have a connection with. There. Does that make more sense?

Two of my girlfriends are in great, super positive, super sexy relationships and a couple of weeks ago, we were talking about how much better sex is in a committed relationship than when we're just out there "dating". So, in my drunken stupor last night, I think I was trying to say that it seems like men and women want the same thing, but for whatever reason, it's kind of tough to get there.

As for the honesty portion of last night's post, I understand it can be tricky when trying to hook up with someone. I think if I actually had a point, it was just that, I hate feeling like I'm being played. I would rather have a guy tell me how he feels and what he wants, rather than tell me what he thinks I want to hear. Which isn't to say, that I want some guy I don't know to come up to me and say, "Hey, baby. What's happenin'? Let's go in the bushes and do that thang." It's more like I'd like to talk to someone and have them be real, and if there's some chemistry, then we can talk about what we want to do about it. The guy who was hitting on me on Saturday was talking in such weird circles, it made my head hurt. And just in case you were wondering, nobody is sexy when they make you want to stick forks in your temples to stop the throbbing pain.

Okay. I think that's enough back pedaling for one post. Does this answer your questions a little better than last night's messiness?

She Says Love is Not What She's After

Here is part of the campus in our town.

Okay, you guys. Apparently, I'm a total fucking idiot and now let me tell you why. I went to supper club with some fun kids at Los Portales and I was such a good girl. I ate food and only had one margarita with dinner.

I dropped my friend K. off at her place and thought I'd head to the Dublin Underground for one beer to see if my friend Libby was there. Luckily, she and her husband were both down there and my favorite bartender was working and some other guys who I think are tons of fun were hanging out too. It was such a great night and people kept buying me beers and when I wasn't keeping up, they bought me little chips which are like beer coupons that you hand in at a later date, so that was cool too.

Eventually, after much swearing and laughing so hard my eyes were tearing, Libby and her husband got smart and left. Unfortunately for me, I wasn't quite as smart and stayed with a bar full of drunk guys and talked about what they wanted from women. I actually love this conversation, because even at my advanced age, I have no clue. According to the drunk boys I spoke to, (and I have to believe them because you know drunk guys would never say anything they didn't mean) all men really want is to have great sex in a committed relationship. Which should make things so easy, because most women I know want that too. So, my question to you guys tonight is, how come it isn't so easy if both men and women seemingly want the same thing?

The other thing I talked to these guys about was honesty. Last Saturday this guy who I met down at the Dublin about a month ago and who lives in another state, was back. He came up to me the minute I walked in the bar and said something to the fact that one of the great things about Iowa City for women is that a lot of guys who used to live here come back to visit and so we can hook up with them, but we don't have to worry about them begging for a relationship. (because most guys are always trying to get women to commit, right? Uh, whatever) Then he said something about a guy I used to date who just happens to live in another state as well. When I asked him how he knew I dated that person, he said that I told him that. I knew for a fact that I didn't, so he probably did some asking around about me and someone else gave him that info. If he told me that, I'd be fine with it. If I was attracted to someone, I'd do my homework too.

The problem I had with him, was all the weird scheming and assuming he was doing. Because he knew who I dated, and that person lived in another town, he assumed that's what I wanted. Wrong. If he had said he wanted to hang out for a while and maybe make-out, I probably would have been into that. Hey, he was cute and fun. I just don't like all that conniving and game playing. The guys I talked to about this, were all kind of half-jokingly saying that it never occurred to them that they could get what they wanted by telling the truth. So, my other question for women is, would you rather a guy be honest about what he wanted, or would you rather he dress it up a bit?

Obviously, I was stupid to drink beer and then stay out late on a school night, but just so you don't think I'm a total loser, I will let you admire my restraint. One of the other bartenders came downstairs as I was leaving and was surprised I was still there. He told me he'd buy me a drink if I'd stay longer, but I actually showed some restraint and walked up those stairs and then came home and wrote this totally drunken, long winded blog post about relationships. You can go ahead and thank me later...Or not.

To Make a Mountain of Your Life is Just a Choice

This is what I see when I look up from my desk. My cubicle neighbor's plant is fast encroaching. I fully expect to be strangled by it at my desk one of these days when I'm not paying attention.

And what of today, you ask? Today there was some bad juju floating around here. I woke up and had all kinds of little inconveniences. The girls were at their dad's house and they both forgot stuff that I had to look for with their direction over the phone. The things weren't where they thought they were. Then I had to stop and get some kind of breakfast item at the store on the way for the goodbye party for one of our temps. The walk to work pretty much sucked too. The strap to my very old and very most favorite bag kept breaking and then I'd stop and fix it and then it would break again and I'd have to put down the grocery bag of coffee cake stuff and fix it and start again...You get the picture.

This is part of the building where I work my magic inputting things into a computer.

So, I figured I was having a bad day, and thought I might be able to wallow a little in my pissyness. But then everyone else who worked in my building was having it way worse. One woman started crying (I'm still not sure why) and had to go home. Another woman had strep and had to stay home, and someone else just finished her temp hours and had to leave for good with no other real prospects. Ouch.

And then...And then I ran into my friend T. on my way home from work and she had a couple of really shitty things happen to her too.

Here's my building from another angle, just in case that other photo wasn't working for you.

After work, I stopped at the Co-op and saw a bunch of wonderful people I hadn't hung out with in forever. One was going to a cook out and we talked about the fact that her birthday was coming up. Another woman told me she was pregnant and due in August and then I saw a couple I know. The girl had this totally adorable skirt on and when I told her how cute I thought it was, she said it was bad for blowing up in the wind. Her boyfriend walked behind her and seemed pretty happy with the clothing mishap.

I went to Coadster's soccer game and one of her teammates thought I was Coadster's sister - which gave me the double bonus of having a high school kid think I was young enough to be my daughter's sister and then seeing the look of horror and disbelief on Coadster's face in reaction to her friend's statement.

Coadster's team didn't win their game, but they did tie and they were happy about that. Looking back at all the bad and the good of today, I feel like I kind of tied too, and after seeing what happened to everyone else, I was also pretty happy with it.

Right, Wrong, They Just Can't Stop It

Here are some pretty Spring flowers for you. It's the least I can do if you're going to be nice enough to try to read this post.

I forgot to tell you all how Stinky did at State. She got 19th in discus and 14th place in shot put. Her team got second place. Not too shabby, eh?

I think I'm going to talk a little more about texting tonight. It seems people have strong opinions about it. I know a guy who refuses to read or answer any texts he receives and I have a friend who thinks it's souless. Personally, I love it. I really don't like talking on the phone. As I've said a million times before, I take phone calls all day at work, plus I'm just not good on the phone. I don't know if it's because I can't see how the person is reacting, or what the problem is, but I babble too much and ask too many annoying questions because I'm afraid of any empty space over the lines. Anyway, texting is perfect for me. It's short and to the point. I can dash off a thought and send it through without really any commitment...Just the way I like it.

Texting is also perfect for me and the girls. I can text ask them what they want from the store, and they can text answer me without having to walk around the store with the phone affixed to my head and speaking too loudly in public as I'm wont to do.

Of course, I've had few interesting experiences with drunk texting and both my friend K. and I have stopped in mid-text before when we were trying to communicate to each other that way one messy evening. Flirty texting is perfect for me some nights when I'm at a bar and not all that attracted to any guys in my vicinity, but I still want attention. I have a friend I use just for that occasion. Like I've told my friend K., he's like a fuck buddy without the sex.

In honor of my post tonight. I'll put up a few text interactions between myself and others, just for those who don't text, so they can see how truly ridiculous and dorky it can be, and probably never ever want to start. Unless specified, each number stands by itself.

1.) Sittin' on the couch. Probly still be here in 15 in the same position.


2.) Goobie Goob! We're @ The Picador. Where's your screechy boyfriend?


3.) He's as predictable as a Brady Bunch episode.


4.) (sent text) Why do I have the Knight Rider theme song in my head? Please shoot me.

(response) BANG!!!


5.) (text I received and then forwarded to another friend to read) M. want to hang out with you and hold hands like eighth graders.

(friend's response) What? Is M. a caveman now?


6.) I love Olivia Newton John!


7.) First Texter: Send me a pic of yr abs.

Second Texter: You send me a pic of yr abs first.

First Texter: Abs? What abs? How bout a pic of my elbows?


8.) (Another bizarre drunken exchange) First Texter: If you like watching guys taking showers, u should really meet my mom.

Second Texter: What if I just want 2 watch u take a shower? Do I still need to meet yr mom?

First Texter: As long as u r down with jesus.

Second Texter: Can't you tell by all the dirty texts I send u?

First Texter: Ya. Yr a regular christian camp counselor.

I'll Eat When I'm Hungry and Drink When I'm Dry

Since I chose this week's word, I figured I better actually play - even if I am a day late. This week's word is opportunity.

On Saturday my friend K. had an extra ticket to see Steve Earle at the Englert Theater. It was an awesome show, except that the guy sitting next to us was pretty obnoxious. He had to yell, "We love you Steve!" as loudly as possible a couple of times and he "Wooed!" like he had Tourette's and kept startling the woman sitting in front of him. He also wouldn't stop saying, "Look. He's right there. RIGHT THERE!" My friend K. said it was like he'd never been to a concert before.

I wanted to tell him, "Dude. That's what happens when you go to a show...The guy actually shows up and plays his music on stage in front of you. Now, kindly shut your fucking yap so the rest of us can enjoy it!" Instead, I just stayed with my immature ways and told my friends that he was my new boyfriend. Then my friends would tell me how annoying my boyfriend was being throughout the show - as if a girl can actually control her real boyfriend, let alone her imaginary one...

After the show, we stopped at Quinton's bar for a drink. We had taken the opportunity to sneak whiskey from a flask during the concert, (which, I'm sure is exactly what Steve Earle would have wanted from his audience) so it wasn't like I needed much more alcohol, but a cold beer was definitely a nice chaser.

I left my friends from the show who were headed to a cookout, and met some people at The Dublin.


It was my friend J.'s brother's bachelor party and they had been whooping it up for a while before I got there. J.'s dad was even there, so I finally got the opportunity to tell him what a great job he did with his kids. I've loved J. forever, but I just met her brother a few weeks ago, and he is just as great as his sister.

As you can see from this photo where he is showing us his best side, both J. and her brother inherited their sense of humor from him.

By the end of the night, we kind of sorta got J.'s brother to dance, but he would only do it to The Beastie Boys or Public Enemy and none of those pics came out very well. So, here's my favorite end of the night photo of J. and her brother.

Although he was a trooper and outlasted all of his friends, he finally took the opportunity to head up those daunting Dublin stairs and call it a night....And the soon to be ex-bachelor lived happily ever after - or at least that's what I predict after hearing about how wonderful is fiance is.

Oh, and it' s my turn to tag someone to pick the next word. I can never remember who did it last, but I think I'll pick Not Fainhearted. I don't think she's been tagged in a while.

Somewhere Out There in the World Tonight

Here are two girls in line getting ready to throw the shot put.

Today I have two things.

One is that I had to get up at 5:20 this morning in order to take Stinky to the bus for the State track meet. I can't go see her because it's two hours away and i need to be here to drive Coadster around when she needs it. I haven't heard a report on how she's doing yet, but I texted her to tell her to keep me updated. I hope she has tons of fun.

Here is the shot put pit. Is it called a pit? I just figured, since that's what it looks like.

The other is that I scored a ticket to the sold-out Steve Earle show at the Englert tonight. How awesome am I? Super duper awesome. I'll try to get a photo or two so you can view the awesomeness too.

Here are two shots that need putting...Or are the puts that need shooting?

Okay. I have to go running so I can come home and clean my house. I'm sure none of that sounds too exciting, but maybe you've already forgotten that when I'm done, I get to go to a Steve Earle show. Yea!

Looking Into Their Eyes I See Them Running Too

Oh my gawd, kids. I am so very tired. When I tell you why, you are going to think I'm so pathetic, but I don't care. I got off work and immediately went straight to Stinky's track meet. Yeah, it was totally exhausting watching her run her 1500 meter race. Actually, I was really impressed. She is a field events girl, and she took it upon herself to volunteer to run that far.

Sure, she came in last, but how many shot putters do you know, who have even tried to run any kind of distance? I made a point to be there at the finish line to tell her how proud I was of her. Some of the boys were flipping her shit, but I told her that those stupid boys could all go piss-off.

Then she had to skip right over to her real events. She threw discus first and got her personal best throw. She can compete with a lot of the boys on her team at throwing and some of those jerky guys who teased her about coming in last in her race, were then made to eat crow.

I got to watch Stinky warm-up for the shot, but had to leave before she actually competed so I could catch the last half of Coadster's soccer game. She said she had one of her best throws in that as well.

If you thought it was tiring watching Stinky run and throw, I really wiped myself out checking out Coadster running around the soccer field kicking the ball around. They lost 1 to nothing, but Coadster had this totally amazing powerhouse kick that took the ball almost three quarters across the field. I really needed to sit down and rest after seeing that.

I was supposed to meet some friends at a poetry reading and for a beer after, but the girls' stuff didn't get done until after eight and I still had to make dinner and stuff. Plus, I got so tired watching other people exercise that I couldn't even entertain the thought of going back out.