Hey, I Know It's Just a Song, But It's Spice for the Recipe

Here is a nice piece of stained glass.

Wait. It's the weekend again already? This Summer is going way too damn fast. My iPod was great for my run today...It even made me want to extend my run to 8 miles. I got all my other chores done today, and added a few more. I feel like I have a good jump on housework at the start of my weekend. I'm not sure what else is going on, but Stinky will finally be home from camp. Hurray! With Coadster gone every night for rehearsal, my house has seemed so empty and hollowed out. It's been nice to clean and actually have it stay that way, but I'd definitely trade that in for some time with my kids.

I know it's been a while, but in honor of the weekend and my new iPod, I've decided to post the random running playlist that my shuffle threw at me today. There were tons of oldies and some newer stuff. In case you don't remember, I like almost every kind of music, so there should be something to offend all y'all:

1.) "Take On Me" - Aha.

2.) "King of the Road" - Roger Miller. For whatever reason, I used to listen to a lot of Roger Miller when I was in college with my guy friends. It seems like an odd choice for a bunch of angst ridden punk rock kids...

3.) "Stupid Cupid" - Connie Francis. I guess my iPod wanted me to hear some REALLY old songs today.

4.) "Our House" - Madness.

5.) "Evil" - Interpol. Weird. I just used lyrics from this song for the title of yesterday's blog post.

6.) "Bittersweet Symphony" - Oasis.

7.) "Walkin' on the Sun" - Smash Mouth. This is a really fun song to run to.

8.) "Warning Sign" - Talking Heads.

9.) "Penelope" - Pinback.

10.) "Wildcats of Kilkenny" - The Pogues.

11.) L.E.S. Artistes - Santigold. This song is a little slow to run to, but I love it so much, I cut it some slack.

12.) "Don't Worry Baby" - Beach Boys. This song always reminds me of road trips. Whenever I'm stressed out and driving through one of those horrible storms in Nebraska, Coadster always puts this song on to calm me down.

Okay, have a great weekend, and may your random playlist be so great that it makes you want to extend whatever you're doing.

There's Not a Line That Goes Here That Rhymes With Anything

I took a bunch of pics of all the artwork up at my Kris' shop while we were in there for Coadster's tattoo. You'll probably be seeing more of it than you want, but it should be a nice break from my garden pics.

I tried to make today as relaxing as possible. Work is busy with all the final transcripts from high schools and colleges and all the orientation kids in and out of the office. So, I figured it would be nice to just rest up when I'm home for a day or two.

I did find out that my protein levels are still one point too low to donate plasma. I have to wait until the 29th to go back and get tested again. I asked the nurse if she thought it could be the running depleting my protein and she said definitely. She suggested I take a day or two off from running before I get my next blood test. It might make me a little itchy, but I'll try it and see if that helps.

I keep thinking I'm going to bake cookies after work, but then it keeps being humid and hot and I keep not having air conditioning, so it doesn't happen. Maybe tomorrow night...

Keeping up with the randomness of this post. I just found out through FB that there's going to be a book festival here on my birthday weekend. I don't know who all else, but I know Jane Smiley and the chick who wrote the Time Traveler's Wife will both be here to read. What a great gift for me.

You all were right. I'm loving reading Frankenstein right now. I was going to read the book Angelology after that, but then a friend suggested Jonathan Franzen and a grad student in my office let me borrow his copy of The Corrections, so I want to finish that as soon as possible so I can get it back to him.

Okay. That's probably more of my ADD than you can handle in one post. Come back tomorrow, when I might actually finish a whole thought..Or maybe not.

Pick-Up the Pieces

Here is Coadster's choir.

Well, it's been a busy week so far. No doubt, this post will be a bit random...I'm sure that will surprise exactly none of you, coming from me.

Tonight Coadster had a choir concert. I didn't get my nice alone time, but that's just fine. Stinky didn't go to her youth group, because most of the kids in it are also in choir. She came with me to the show and we both made a huge point to make faces at Coadster whenever she entered the auditorium. It was awesome.

I finished The Road last night and started reading Ethan Canin's America America. I've only read a short story of his, but he's a local author and Coadster used to love a movie called The Emperor's Club, based on one of his short stories when she was younger. So far, it has a bit of Theodore Dreiser's An American Tragedy feel to it and I remember really liking that book when I read it in high school. As always, I'll let you know what I think about it once I finish it.

Before her concert, I finally worked up the guts to cut into the gross, stained carpet in Coadster's room to see what was under it. Thankfully, I found hardwood floors. So, now I can add another project to the list, and tear it all the way up and get the floors underneath it cleaned. When my brother ripped up the carpet in his living room, he found a spot in the middle of the hardwood floors, where someone had replaced it with plywood. Obviously, I'm hoping I don't find any unwanted surprises like that in this bedroom.

Okay, I'm beat and so I'm going to hit the hay. Tomorrow, I'll only work until one o'clock, so I can get Stinky a physical. I went to get my doctor to sign off on a physical for Stinky to be in track, and was informed that she hadn't had one since August 2008. I could have sworn she had one last February when Coadster had hers. Oops! I guess it's just another reason for me to start expecting that mom of the year award any day now.

And You Can Trust Me Not to Think

Still gearing up for Halloween. Here is a photo of the girls playing in the cemetery when we lived right by it. That's a totally appropriate place for young children to play, isn't it?

Well, kids. It looks like I'm still sleep deprived and I think by now you know what that means, don't you? That's right. Another random post.

1.) They have this great program in our town where high school kids can take classes at the university that will transfer to their college. And get this; it's free. I know. Anyway, Coadster decided to use it to take an Italian class next semester. Cool, huh?

2.) I know I've ranted on here before about the inappropriate email addresses with which kids use to apply to our Big 10 university. I'm not a prude by any stretch, but dude. Seriously? You should refrain from using an email address with the number combination 69 either preceded or followed by the name of a sexual organ or practice. One of my favorites was the girl who's address was bleeding wh*re. Do you email your mom with that? So, my coworkers have heard my rant a time or two. Yesterday Coadster's application came through and one of them said, "Wow. Have you seen your daughter's email address?" As far as I knew, Coadster's had the same email address for years, and it is the name of a Van Morrison song. My co-worker then said, "Hmmm. Well, the one she used on her application is xoxofuninthedark@gmail.com." I asked her to let me see that and she started laughing and said, "Sucka! I was just kidding. It was the one you said it was." Damn, I hate being so gullible.

3.) I called the banker guy and he blew me off. I think he's kind of a putz. He got the initial amount of the purchase wrong and he always gets me confused with some other potential home buyer. Today I called him and he told me he was in the middle of something and would call me right back. He lied.

4.) The realtor called me to talk about how we would arrange for our $1,000 remedy money. I asked her if she knew what was going on with the loan. She said she was under the impression that it had to be all approved by the end of this month. She said she'd try to contact the lender and if I don't hear from him by noon tomorrow, I'm going to call the underwriter person. I only have a few questions and it would take him about 5 minutes to address them. I realize we're all busy, but how hard is that? I need to know whether this is going through as soon as possible so I can try to sublet my apartment. See what I mean about the hurdles?

5.) I've been running a lot so far this week. Yesterday I ran my 7 mile route, which is a little more hilly than my normal one. I tried to run it at a faster pace. It was the last harder run I'm going to do before the "Run for the Schools" Coadster and I are racing in on Sunday. Today I just did a nice relaxing 6 mile route. My iPod decided I needed to listen to a lot of late 80's/early 90's music. Sure, it still played old stuff like Stevie Wonder's "Fingertips Part 2" and newer stuff like Coconut Records, "Nighttiming" and The Go! Team's "Ladyflash". But mostly it gave me The Breeder's "Cannonball" and Jane's Addiction's "Been Caught Stealing", Pavement's "Cut Your Hair" and The Gin Blossom's "Hey Jealousy". It was a pretty damn fun mix to run to.

6.) Okay. I'm going to try really, really hard to finally get some sleep tonight. It would be so cool to find me one of those attention spans I've been hearing about.

'Cause What You See You Might Not Get

Coadster giving herself bunny ears for some reason.

Well, I did get the pain with that migraine after all. Luckily, my migraine meds took care of it after a while, but I'm still all different kinds of wonky, so you get another random post. Come on, you know you all love bullet points....Or how about numbers instead?

1.) I'm on this new kick where I want to try and get a little more serious about doing actual writing on here. I know I go through this a couple of times a year, and then I lose it and then I find it again. So, if I start posting weird shit that doesn't seem like it's at all about my mundane daily activities, just remember you've been warned.

2.) Somebody found my blog by Googling, "shoveling shit in Iowa" and now I'm thinking I should change the name of my blog to that. It would be way more accurate than Churlish Figure.

3.) I recently started reading W. Somerset Maugham's The Razor's Edge at a friend's suggestion and I'm really enjoying it. I don't know how I missed it in my younger years, but I'm so glad I'm reading it now.

4.) I ran into a woman friend last week and she was telling me about how she's been in a really bad relationship. She said she knew the guy was a jerk and treating her badly, but she couldn't get over him. She decided to talk to her therapist about it, who just happens to be originally from England. After she told her the whole story, her therapist said, "He sounds like a total fucking wanker. Why are you shagging him?!" My friend said once her therapist put it that way, she had to wonder the same thing. I guess some vernaculars are more powerful than others...

5.) This is my first full work week in I don't know how long. I forgot how fast time flew when I don't have the luxury of vacation time. How the hell do I get everything done when I'm at work five days a week again? Yeah, I know. Wah, fucking wah.

That Music's Lost It's Taste, So Try Another Flavor

Hey, here's a classy photo of Stinky. Just so you can see that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree hugger. (as my friend K. said once)

So, I guess tomorrow will be my Friday. I'm trying to stop saying that, because then I confuse myself about what day it really is, and my brain might explode and I don't want to spend all of my vacation with my head wrapped in duct tape to keep my brain from oozing out. Oh, I like the word, "ooze", by the way.

a.) After that last paragraph, it's clear that I'm all random tonight. There's no point in fighting city hall, so I'm going with it.

b.) I got a call at work from someone representing a McDonald's in town. She wanted to know if anyone from our school would help them write a training manual in Spanish. She offered to pay whomever that person was, in $150 worth of McDonald's gift certificates. When I talked to my co-workers about it, I tried to imagine how much grease that would buy. John, who sits in the cubicle behind me told me to shut-up or he promised to McVomit. So, I did.

c.) I've been having territorial sidewalk issues lately. As I mention on here ad nauseum, I either walk, run or ride my bike almost everywhere I go. So, I'm familiar with sidewalk etiquette. As far as I'm concerned, pedestrians have the right of way, no matter what. They should come before runners, who come before sidewalk riding cyclists. I understand that it is pretty dangerous to ride your bike on many of the streets in my fair city. If you're riding on the sidewalk, you should never push the pedestrian off. Dude, you're riding a damn mountain bike for christ sake, why should the pedestrian have to go off-road? Okay. That's my gripe and I'm sticking to it.

d.) The weather here is still really cooperating with me. Now that I work all day, it's been cloudy and/or raining until my walk home. Then it clears up in time for me to run in the ridiculously humid air.

e.) I'm a little more than annoyed with my iPod's shuffle lately. I have over 3,000 songs on it. There is no reason that it should play the same 25 songs over and over, but it does. Today, however, it finally behaved and played songs I forgot I even had on there. Here are some of them:

1.) "Run Through the Jungle" - Creedence Clearwater Revival

2.) "Love Plus One" - Haircut 100

3.) "Superunknown" - Soundgarden

4.) "Lazy Eye" - Silversun Pickups

5.) "Antmusic" - Adam Ant

6.) "Fortress" - Pinback

7.) "Fairytale of New York" - The Pogues

8.) "The Rockafeller Skank" - Fatboy Slim

9.) "Stone Free" - Jimi Hendrix

Okay, have a great day today. Whether it's your Wednesday or Friday or Monday, or whatever the hell day it really is. Agh!

They're Looking to the Sky, Daddy-O

So, today was much better. I thought I'd put up some beach photos in keeping with yesterday's theme. The first two are from Coadster's camera when we were at Carmel. The top one doesn't even look real, does it? The bottom two were taken at Half Moon Bay with my camera. The last one is a little more eye candy. I can't remember if I posted it last Summer or not. If I did, I'm posting it again. Sue me.

After such a hectic week so far, I'm feeling a little random. I still haven't had time to process things, so it's all coming out in little digestible bits...For the most part.

Well, here's a little more information than anyone really wants or needs, but I'm a giver that way. Also, if anyone reading this has teenage girls I hope they can get a little chuckle or a good cry in recognition. Anyway, I found out what was up with the girls the last few days. Turns out they were both PMS'ing at the same time. Jaysus, Mary and Joseph, it's lucky any of us are still alive. I was a little concerned about my girls' overreacting, spazzing and disrespect, but now that I know, I'm just relieved I didn't end up like the mom in the movie Carrie - staked to the wall with knives.

Coadster's soccer game got rescheduled to tonight, after Tuesday's lightning storms that began precisely two seconds before her game was supposed to start. Tonight, they were actually able to finish their game precisely two seconds before the storms broke. When I was hurrying to my car with ominous clouds and thunder raging just behind me, I heard a cheery little exchange yelled at each other by two men, above the parental mass exodus. the first guy said, "Hey, Jim. How ya doin'? I hear you were really down for a while there..."

"Yeah, things are a lot better now. Thank god for drugs." Then myself and most of the people around me, smiled and nodded knowingly. I'm glad people are so much better about admitting they need help and then going and getting it, than they used to be. Personally, it took me almost thirty years to finally go get my ass some migraine meds, and they have changed my life.

I go to this place called the Can Shed to exchange my bottles and cans for cash. I hate using the machines at the store, so every few weeks I drive down to the Can Shed and someone sorts, counts and gives me money for recyclables. The people there love to see me coming, and they all exclaim about how I have the cleanest and dryest cans and bottles they've ever laid hands on. When I went there last Saturday, I said, "I can only imagine, how dirty some of them come in..."

"Oh, yeah, " the woman with about five teeth still in her head said, as she batted cans into a box. "Most of them are real bad. I got my first rodent in a bag yesterday." Ew. I was so grossed-out, I didn't think to ask her if it had been alive or dead, or what kind of rodent it was. Remind me never to bitch about my job again.

There's a Black-Winged Gull With a Broken Back

Here is Stinky at her confirmation.

Well, I just spent most of my evening at Stinky's confirmation. I'm beat and tomorrow will be a mosh of soccer games and track meets and a choir performance. Since most of these things are out of town, it will be more logistical issues of getting teenagers where they need to be and fed and maybe find some kind of helmet to wear that will keep my head from exploding.

Oh, and during the day tomorrow, I'm going to leave work and meet the girls at their dental check-up to talk about getting a certain 15 year old some badly needed orthodontia. My insurance will cover a little of it, but it sounds like the bulk will come from me and so I might have to scout around for a good bank to rob. Let me know if you're privy to any insider information. Thanks.

Okay, the rest of this post will be short and full of religious icons. I'm sure it's because I grew up Catholic, but the dramatic religious statues fascinate and creep me out all at the same time. I keep expecting them to come alive and start bleeding or talking or something.

FMDM and I were instant messaging for a couple of minutes today. He's been trying to get me addicted to a new video game and judging from the other games he hooked me on, I'm sure I'll be trying to liquify and shoot this new game into my arm in no time. He also gave me shit about the fact that he thought I'd start on fire just walking into a church. But I'll have you know, I'm still here and at normal body temperature. So there.

I think this is a statue of St Francis. He was my favorite Saint as a child and we had a book about how he was the animal protector. As a kid I fancied myself as a savior of animals and tried to heal birds and baby bunnies from the dogs and cat attacks in the neighborhood. I guess I wasn't very good at it, because most of them died. I'd put their dead bodies in margarine tubs to bury in the backyard, but the Arizona ground is usually too dry and hard for a kid to dig up, or else I was just lazy. Usually, my poor brother would end up cursing me when he came across the stacked-up tubs of decomposing creatures while cleaning out our carport. Oops.

She's the Sweetest, hmmm, Pet in the World

Here is the purse of person who owns a three year old girl...Or more accurately, the purse of a person who is owned by a three year old girl.

Tonight was a little different than I expected, but still great. I originally thought that it would be the first night in for-freaking-ever that the girls would both be at their dad's. They did both spend the night there, but were also at my house on and off until nine o'clock anyway. It was fine, I love to see my girls as much as possible. I was just fantasizing about having a few hours of uninterrupted alone time. Sigh.

I did finally watch my zombie movie - 28 Weeks Later. I was going to drink a beer while I watched it, but was starting to feel a little migrainey and alcohol and migraines are mortal enemies and usually wage great wars in my head. So, I got all crazy and drank a soda pop instead and watched all the blood and gore and zombies. I agree with Mr. Manuel, it wasn't as good as the first one, but it was still entertaining.

Before that, I did my one hour's worth of cleaning thing. It's going really well this week, since the girls' track meets and soccer games are out of town, and I can fit it in every night. It still amazes me how much I can get done in one hour.

Before the cleaning, I ran my six mile route. It was about 55 degrees outside and it felt really good. My iPod randomizer thought I might like to listen to some classic rock this evening for the most part, and it was right. Yesterday it thought I wanted to listen to cheesy dance music, and it called that one perfectly too. So, here is a sampling of what my iPod thought I might like to hear on my run tonight:

1.) "Diamond Girl" - Seals and Crofts.

2.) "The Kids Are Alright" - The Who. I listened to the Who a ton on my Walkman when I was in high school, so it's always a running nostalgia favorite for me.

3.) "Arc of a Diver" - Steve Winwood. This song was also big when I was in high school and it reminds me of the first time I ran in the Drake Relays and met Herschel Walker right after he won the Heissman trophy.

4.) "Sabotage" - The Beastie Boys.

5.) "Brandy" - Looking Glass. This song reminds me of being a kid and living in Arizona.

6.) "We Got the Beat" - The Go-Go's. I can't hear this song without instantly thinking of the beginning of Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

7.) "Cynical Girl" - Marhsall Crenshaw.

8.) "Under My Thumb" - The Rolling Stones. This is one of my favorite Stones songs.

9.) "Gimme Danger" - The Stooges.

10.) "Walk in Jerusalem" - Mahalia Jackson. Nothing like a good gospel song to wash off the dirt of The Stooges.

So, now I'm going to bed. I'll let you know if I dream of flesh eating zombies or not.

It's a Small Crime and I Got No Excuse

So, on Friday morning I saw this guy kind of dressed-up, carrying a bag and riding a unicycle on my way to work. Then on Friday afternoon, I was walking home and saw another guy with full-on clown make-up but dressed normally and with no crazy rainbow fro wig. I always thought there was nothing creepier than a clown, but now I know there is. It's a half-dressed clown. Shudder, shudder. The other thing I thought, was that if I'm going to live in a town full of freaks, I really need to bring my camera with me to work more often to document them.

This morning I actually remembered. The only problem is, that I'm way too stoopid when I first wake-up. So, I see the unicycle guy coming toward me and I take my camera out of my pocket. I realize it's on the viewing tab, so I try to set it on just the regular picture taking tab, but go too far and hit the video thing. By the time I get it to the right place, the unicyclist has turned down the street and is almost in an alley. Here is the photo I got. If you enlarge it, I think you can see him. I'll try harder next time.

For the sake of randomness, I'd like to thank Nate for giving me the info about how to download my songs from my iPod to my iTunes. The only problem, was that I had no idea which songs I had added since October, so I just loaded all of them and now I have to go back and delete all the extras. I've been working my way down the alphabet a little at a time. I'm on the D's, and just cleaned-up the Damien Rice songs.

Since I'm thanking people, I might as well thank FMDM for turning me on to the Puzzle Quest game (I think that's the name) on XBox. It is sooooo addictive. You can do all these puzzles, and save them if you don't have time to finish them. When I was a kid, I loved puzzles and put together all those hideous puppy photos - you know, the ones with the gigantic eyes? Yeah, and what's even more embarrassing, is that I used to glue them onto poster board and hang them on my wall when I finished. Wow. Can you believe I actually admitted to that? Anyway, the puzzle thing is super cool and addictive, without the embarrassment of my previous '70's behavior.

Okay. I guess I'll call that good. I'm trying really hard (again) to sleep better this week. I guess that means I have to try to get to bed before midnight then.

I Bring Wrath to Those Who Disrespect Me Like a Dame

Here is a barber shop sign in Hills, Ia.

I feel like I'm getting that bad cold my girls have both had. I know I always say this, but it's because it's always true...Kids are grubby little germ breeders. Since there's this gigantic bacterial war going on inside my body, and I want the good germs to win, I'm going to try to write quickly and go to bed at a decent time. A lack of time means I'll be random, because I won't have the several hours necessary for me to form one cohesive blog post. Yeah, yeah. I'm full of excuses.

1.) I love it when it warms up and the snow starts disappearing. Like I said last post, the ice had finally melted enough for me to run my six mile route on Saturday. Just like every other year, I couldn't help but notice all the dog poop landmines suddenly uncovered by the melting snow. Do people only pick up their dog's crap when it's warm enough for others to be out and catch them when they don't do it?

2.) I was going to spend a lot of Saturday cleaning and organizing. On that same day, Stinky wanted money to go to a movie with her friends. Of course, in our house, money don't come cheap. So, Stinky cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom in addition to her normal chores, leaving me plenty of time to sit on my ass when I got back from running. Nice. It's the closest I'll ever get to hiring a maid.


Here is the barber shop that goes with the sign. Closed for the evening.

3.) When I was out on Saturday night, some people at my table were talking about this guy who comes down to the Dublin sometimes who looks just like Anthony Michael Hall. They were wondering how old he was. (The guy in the Dublin, not the real AMH) If you've ever met me, you know that after I've had a beer or two, I can be easily dared into things. This time I even volunteered to ask him.

I stopped him at the bar, asked him his age and he told me he was 25. Then one of his friends showed up, who just happened to also be his boss. He was in his early thirties and getting his MBA, and a total pompous asshole. The pompous guy started aggressively hitting on me, but being a total butt about it. He wanted me to guess his age and then he wanted me to guess which business he owned in Coralville. Turns out, I didn't even know it existed. He was all offended, and I tried to be nice and explain that I don't make it out to Coralville much. He said, "So, what. You can't even go two feet away from your door?" I informed him, that I do indeed leave my house. I know the main drag of Coralville, I just don't drive down the side streets.

"...And don't worry," I said. "You didn't sound a bit condescending there." He acted all shocked that I would think that, but then as part of his "apology", he mentioned that English was only his 17th language. Gross. Thank god he wasn't trying to sound condescending, right?

I got a break for a minute when their other, totally hot, friend came up and introduced himself to me. He was surprisingly charming for someone wearing a "Likes to Fuck" hat. Both Anthony Michael Hall and Likes to Fuck went upstairs, because they both also liked to smoke and left me with Mr. Condescension. He immediately started badgering me about buying me a drink and telling me he would take me to Mexico with him and those two guys. I very politely declined his offer. I told him that I was done drinking for the night. He said he couldn't believe that. I explained that I try to be careful about how much I drink, and that I had already hit my limit, but it was really sweet of him to ask.

"You have dimples, " was his response to that.

"Yes, I do. But I'm still gonna have to decline. It was really nice meeting you," I offered my hand to him, but he wouldn't take it. He got all huffy and pissed off. He turned around to the bar and wouldn't even look at me. Whatever. If he didn't want to get rejected, then maybe he shouldn't have been such an unholy prick.

Okay. I guess that's all the fun I have time for tonight. May you win all of your internal bacterial battles.

Then Like a Distant Scream

Here are some pics I took last week while I wandered around my neighborhood. This a photo of a grown-up chair that fell over and a kid chair that's still standing.

I guess I'm going to be a little scattered tonight. I stayed up way too late last night for this one reason, and you know how I get when I'm sleep-deprived - my self-diagnosed ADD runs wild. Who knows what the hell I'll say.

This is some kind of garage like building with windows. I like the whacky color combination.

Stinky went to a haunted cornfield outside of town called Field of Screams. (have I mentioned lately how much I love Iowa?) One of the kids who went with, lives a block over. He's a good kid, but he's a total Eddie Haskell. Every time he's over, he just keeps kissing up and it's so obviously fake, that it annoys me just a little. Anyway, Stinky said when they were out at the haunted cornfield, at first he kept trying to be all tough and say, "Bring it. BRING IT!" And then when someone jumped out from the cornstalks with a fake chainsaw and a mask and indeed brought it, he ran down the field, screaming like a five year old girl. Damn. I almost wish I was there to see it.

Here is my favorite tree on my street. I'm also a fan of the 70's looking wagon type vehicle in front of it.

My daughters work and hang out with a girl who's dad graduated from high school with me in Ottumwa. It seems so weird. I remember running into him and his wife when our kids were little. We were all laughing (until we cried) about having kids so close together in age. My girls are sixteen months apart and his kids are about that same distance apart, except his wife had twins with the second pregnancy. So, when we saw them, they had three kids under the age of two. Shoot me. Anyway, if you had told me that our kids would grow up to be good friends, I'd never have believed you. Since I never lived anywhere longer than four years straight when I was a kid, the concept of knowing someone my entire life besides kin, is entirely foreign to me.

This house is also pretty seventies. My neighborhood is kind of retro like that.

I do this thing. Some people find it annoying. Of course, I think it's kind of charming, but since I know I'll never be able to stop, I kind of have to. I change the words to songs to fit the occasion. And just for the record, I did it long before Weird Al made it famous. In junior high, there was a kid named Sam. I'm not using last names anymore, because in the past, guys I knew from junior high have googled themselves and found my blog. It's actually been cool, because I hadn't heard from them since 1979, but I don't want anyone to take the shit I write the wrong way. So, Sam used to call me flea, since my hair was all wild and crazy and messy. Sam was a little heavy, so I got him back by changing the words to Foreigner's, "Hot Blooded", to "...He's fat blooded, check it and see. His pinky finger weighs a hundred and three...." Yeah, it was bitchy, but then I was fighting a guy who would sit behind me in class and take his finger and wave it all around my head and make a buzzing sound, like I had bugs in my hair, so I like to think we're even.

I continued with the Foreigner theme when the girls were little, and I used to sing "Juice Box Hero" when I got them their liquid refreshments, after they woke up from their nap. I also changed the Backstreet Boys song to, "Everybody, wash your body..." when it was time for their baths, until the guy I was dating at the time, put a moratorium on that one. What?

Today, my co-worker John was being particularly annoying, so I had to change the words to Barry Manilow's "Copa Cabana" to, "His name was John. He was a loser..." And then he threw a handful of rubber bands at me over the cubicle wall and it helped me get through the day.

What songs do you change the lyrics to, and what do you replace them with?

What's So Funny About Peace, Love and Understanding?

We're here and we're random - every single one of my personalities.

1.) Okay, remember how I said it was Homecoming weekend here in town? Well, there's usually all kinds of fun drunken incidents that occur on that weekend. I'm going to take some quotes off of the KCRG website so you can learn about my favorite one from this year. 'Kay? Here it is:

An Iowa City man who thought a police officer just "needed a hug" faces several charges including assault on a peace officer and public intoxication...

...According to police records, Schreder ran up to the officer and stuck out his arms. The officer told him to "get away," but Schreder didn't take the hint and embraced the officer.

How great is that? In and of itself, it's wonderful, but this being Iowa City, there's bound to be a protest - of sorts anyway. Today on my lunch break there were some college kids standing around on the Pentacrest giving out free hugs. You bet your ass, I made sure I got one. I asked the boys to hug each other so I could take a picture, (with my camera phone, since I left my real camera at home) and they said they would, if I would let them take a picture of them hugging me. What is all this conditional photographing about? I suppose it's better than in San Francisco, when they wanted a dollar. At least a photo is free. Anwyway, below is where I was in the picture, but I cheated by hiding behind the "free hug" sign. Sue me, I was wearing braids and I looked like crap.

Later, one of my coworkers told me it would've been funny if I had pulled out a fake badge and pretended to be an undercover cop and started to arrest them.

2.) Now, onto my next random topic. So, on Monday I went to my friend's house to watch The Steelers on Monday Night Football. The whole time I was there, the team just kept sucking harder and harder. Finally, I told the people I was watching the game with, that I figured I should leave, because if stopped watching, they might start winning. Then my friend James told me to fake call them, because that worked so well last year. I got out my phone, made my imaginary phone call, stopped watching the game and went home. Guess what? That's right. The Steelers won. Maybe that really is my super power.

3.) The girls said there was a guy who showed up to the Homecoming dance in a gorilla suit. I don't think I need to add anything else to this. The awesomness of it, stands on its own.

4.) Sunday night I told you about the guy who stopped me to tell me that he sees me walking every morning and in his head has always thought of me as his pretend "going to work" friend. Well, I've actually seen him the last two days on my way to work. He honks and waves and I wave back. So, now I suppose he's my pretend "going to work" friend too.

It Scares the Daylight, Making Nightmares

I took a photo of this guy in Chinatown because he was taunting everyone walking by saying, "Boo hoo. Boo hoo. Go home and cry to your mommy." I guess he had some issue with Americans in general and the Dalai Lama in particular and I'm sure if you talked to him for very long he'd probably get around to telling you that Ghandi and Mother Theresa were total assholes too. Which, if I weren't with my girls, I might have tried to introduce myself, because those kinds of whack jobs really crack my shit up.

Oh, kids. I hate to break it to you, but I'm feeling a little random tonight. Yeah, it looks like you'll get another peak at what untreated, adult ADD looks like. As you probably remember from my other random posts, it's not pretty. So, let's start flinging crap, shall we?

1.) I've been having these horrible night terrors lately where I'll think I woke up and walked into the living room because it sounded like someone had broken into our house. When I enter the room, the fan kicks on and the skirt I'm wearing (only in the dream) flies up and sticks to my face covering my nose so I can't breathe and there's also some horrible presence in the room. I usually wake up all freaked out and it sometimes takes me hours to go back to sleep. Stinky said the other night, she heard me pounding the wall in my room presumably trying to get the imaginary fabric away from my nose. How bizarre is that? Yeah, maybe one of those soothing cricket noise tapes wouldn't be such a bad idea after all?

2.) One thing I noticed about my girls when we were on vacation, is that they had their guest personalities on the whole time. You know how when your kids go to their friends or families houses, and people tell you how wonderfully behaved they are and how they helped clean up and were very polite? And you wonder what the hell those people could be talking about because their rooms look like a bomb went off and they had a huge screaming meltdown in the car on the way over for their visit? Well, on vacation, my kids act like they must at other people's houses. They would unpack the car without waiting for me to ask them, let alone complaining. They'd help set up the tent and make the fire at our campsite and ask me if I wanted anything to eat or drink while I was driving. Of course, the minute we pulled up in our driveway, they both went straight into the house empty handed. Apparently, whatever pod people my kids are possessed by on the road, refuse to follow us all the way back to Iowa. Damn it.


3.) Stinky's locker number at school is 666. For real. It really couldn't be more perfect.

4.) Remember how I told you that we hung out with my Uncle when we were in California? Well, after I got back, I was talking to my Aunt who was my legal guardian when I was growing up (the California uncle's sister) and she was laughing about how sheltered her brother was. "He doesn't read the paper or watch TV or really know what's going on in the world. I even tried to make a joke with him once and he didn't get it because he didn't know what a ho' was. I had to explain to him that it was another name for a prostitute..." Did I mention that my Aunt is 70? I never thought the day would come when my Aunt, who is so decidedly NOT street that she lives out in the country in Southeast Iowa, would be going on about how much hipper she was than someone else. Wow. No wonder I'm having night terrors lately.

5.) I got to see my girlcrush after I got back into town and she was even wearing her Coco Puffs t-shirt. It sure is good to be back in Iowa.

6.) On Friday when I was talking to Mr. B., he brought up one of my exes. He's known that particular ex for years, and he thought it was weird that not only were we still friends, but that that ex and I talked to each other about people we either date or have crushes on or whatever. I have a feeling the real issue is that we had talked about Mr. B. before. He said, "I'm not saying that you shouldn't be friends with your exes, I just think it's weird, that's all." Then I asked him if he wasn't friends with any of his exes and he said, "Hell no. All my exes are so fuckin' psycho that I try to stay as far away as possible."

I'm actually friends with most guys I've dated except the couple icky abusive ones. It usually takes me about three months to get over all the bullshit after a break-up and then I'm fine and I wish them the best. The guy I dated this Winter even called me this weekend out of the blue and left me this message: "In Fast Times at Ridgemont High", which three actors went on to win academy awards?" I called him back and said, "Duh. Sean Penn, Forest Whitaker and Nicholas Cage." Then we talked for close to an hour about a bunch of other stupid stuff.

So, here's my question to you blog readers: Are you friends with your exes, are you done with them as soon as it's over, or does it depend on the person?

What You Tryin' to Hand Me?

Well, kids. Guess what? That's right. It's time for another random post. This time with 50% more pictures. I took the one of Coadster and the one of my girl crush, but Stinky took the rest. I think she did an awesome job, don't you?

This one is Coadster getting ready to go to some community teen dance. Please note Coadster's new hairdo. She let me and Stinky cut it right after soccer season was over and she didn't have to wear the eternal pony tail. As she would say, she looks almost like a girl there.

Just so you know, our town isn't completely underwater. That seems to be the word on the street. We're getting tons of calls at work from out of state folks who see shit on TV and actually believe it. Silly people. A woman I work with said she looked at some MSN news site that said our entire town of 65,000 was flooded. It is true that there are certain streets that are closed and locations that are being evacuated. One of my friends lives on Park Road, right by the river and had a police officer show up on Friday and recommend that they buy a canoe. I love cop humor, don't you? No? Neither do I. I just lied to you all.

The smoking ban goes into effect on July 1st. For those of you who aren't from Iowa, that means no one will be allowed to smoke in public places, except for casinos and beer gardens. Is that it? I can't remember. It has some people up in arms, but I don't smoke, so it doesn't concern me much either way. I guess I'll just not smell so bad when I come home from a bar, and I may end up sitting by myself for periods of time while all my smoking friends go outside to bond.

I painted my toenails for the first time in forever. I normally don't, because I'm afraid it will draw attention to my scary feet, and nobody wants that. The only thing is, that I'm going to be wearing really cute white sandals to the wedding on Saturday and I kind of had to. Now, who looks almost like a girl? I do.

If you attend the wedding, please feel free not to look down when you're standing next to me. I painted them bright red, and you might really be tempted, but don't. I'm not kidding. Just don't.

Coadster and I had talked about going to the Iron and Wine show on Thursday. Coadster even invited me to go with her and her friend Mel. The only thing is, we were full of misinformation. We had the wrong price and the wrong date. Oops. So, now Coadster is going to babysit for the Creekside Review blogger's child and she's still pretty happy about that.

All These Places Had Their Moments

I thought you would all appreciate a picture of a cat fight. Sexy.

Y'all bitches better hold onto your hats, I feel a random post coming on. Today was even busier than usual, and my brain hasn't had time to settle, so I'm just going to get all ADD on your asses. Consider yourselves warned.

1.) Coadster had her last soccer game against a Cedar Rapids team who will go unnamed, but according to Coadster, those girls were evil and not very good sports either. I'm glad Coadster's team won their last game against some supposed hellions.

2.) Coadster also had her last choir concert right after that. I had to tear ass just to make it, and Coadster was forced to throw her hair in a ponytail and perform all sweaty. She had a solo for the Beatles' "In My Life" and she kicked ass, if I do say so.

3.) Next week Stinky has her last band concert and she's all pissed off that the 7th graders get to play "Smoke On the Water", while the eighth graders have to perform lame ass shit from High School Musical. I was thinking I might get some parents together and start a petition to introduce Judas Priest into the junior high band curriculum just to appease poor Stinky. I think it could fly, don't you?

4.) I realized that I wrote an entire post about my friend R.'s birthday on Saturday without a picture of him anywhere. Duh. So, here he is with all his hos touching his pickle. happy birthday, Rob.

His wife said that she had offered to pick him up from the bar on his birthday when he was ready to come home, but he opted to walk. When she saw him in the kitchen she asked him why he didn't call her and he responded something like, "I didn't want to bother you, but now I have to remember to call all my bitches back at the bar and tell them I made it home alright." Rob is a total fucking baller.

5.) I also forgot to post a photo of me bowling. I know I promised and my friend GW took one of me and everything, so here's my action Jackson shot. Thank god you can't see my face, I think we've had more than enough EXTREMELY unflattering photos of me making horrible faces on here lately and I apologize.

6.) While we're at it, here's me walking back all cocky after my first strike. That's right bitches, I got some strikes. Of course, I was totally inconsistent, so I got just as many gutter balls. Keep 'em guessing, that's what I always say.

7.) This guy was sitting on a bench outside The Atlas on Saturday night. If you ever want to make a bunch of money panhandling from overpriveledged frat boys, hold a sign like this. I've never seen rich kids from Chicago show so much compassion. This guy's cup literally runneth over. And as you can see, it wasn't because of his sparkling personality.

I Love to Take a Photograph

Here are some of those feathery plants I seem to like so much.

Hey, you know. Now that I think about it, today wasn't really all that bad. I've been better about sleeping lately and holy shit, does it make a difference in how I deal with being at work. If I have problems again next week, I've discovered a wonderful cure. All I have to do, is sit through a meeting about cash handling procedures where they make me listen to a taped presentation at 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. If this afternoon was any indication, I'll be out like a light in about 5 minutes.

So, it's going to be tricky posting tomorrow in order to meet the NaBloMe guidelines. Stinky and I will have to leave for Ames to see Coadster in the All State choir around 1'ish. We have to meet her around 3:30, take her out to eat and then hang-out for another two hours before her show. The performance won't end until around 10, which means it should be after midnight before we get home. I guess I'll just have to post before we leave, so it will be kind of back-to-back. Stinky said she'd make a fun road trip playlist on the iPod for us to listen to on the way to Ames and back. If Stinky makes it, we should be listening to a lot of eighties music, which is just fine with me.

Maybe I should have just used bullets for all my random thoughts tonight. Anyway, I bought a new camera tonight. I had to have one to take photos of Coadster tomorrow. It sucked having to spend the money, but with a sale, and a coupon, and the fact that the prices have gone down in the last couple of years since I bought the last one, it cost about the same amount for a WAY better camera. Just don't expect the photos to get any better. I still live in Iowa, so you'll be continuing to see hogs and barns and feedlots and farmers wearing seed corn caps.

It's Not Reality, It's Just a Fantasy

Here are some pretty yellow branches - to make up for the scary photos from a couple of posts ago.

Well, kids. All I gotsta do is get through tomorrow and then I get a weekend. Once again, I'm going to try doing as little as possible. Next weekend Stinky and I will go to Ames and watch Coadster sing in the All State choir. It will be interesting to see me try to find my way around Ames. I've only been there once when I was in high school.

Wait, wait, wait. Back to this weekend...My fantasy goes something like this: I somehow make it through a full day of work. I'm thinking it will take some junk food, a few pills and swigs off my flask, much verbal abuse directed at my co-worker John (you know, just to make me feel better about myself) and a lot of illegal web surfing.

After work, I want to go running, eat some pizza, get the girls situated at whatever social functions they've got going on and then jump straight into my jammies until I have to go back to work on Monday. It'll never happen, and I realize it's like the lamest fantasy anyone in the world has ever had ever, but right now, it sounds like heaven.

Does anyone else find it bizarre that Thanksgiving is only two weeks away? Maybe it's because I'm old, or it could be that I'm really boring, but I don't even really remember what I did this year? Shit. I'll have to go back and read my old blog posts to find out.

First, please allow me to notice for you how random I'm being tonight. Then, let me continue on with the randomness...One thing I've noticed from writing a blog post almost every day for the last two years, is that Fall and Winter tend to make me a lot more nostalgic than Spring and Summer. It could be because I'm actually out and about, almost, kind of, sort of, having a life when it's warm out, and when I'm shut-in girl during the colder months, I'm thinking about the lives I've lived. I guess I'm just warning you that there might be a few ghosts of Christmas past on the horizon for the churlish one.

We Take a Week Off, Let the Garden Grow By Itself

Well, hello there pig thingy from the State Fair that is even scarier than a clown. I thought I'd share, so we could all have nightmares together. No really, you can thank me later.

Okay, I better make this quick. It's been storming on and off for the last 47 years, or something like that and another one is rolling through. So, I'm just going to make this a quickie and be all random and if you're not satisfied when it's over, you'll just have to finish yourself off with some other blogs or maybe even actually read a book. Yeah, whatever.

You know, I haven't talked about food in a while. I'm at that point in the Summer where I feel like I should eat corn on the cob and fresh tomatoes every meal, because the good stuff is almost all gone. This hot guy who looked like he was easily in his mid-thirties came over to me at the grocery store while I was checking out the corn and said he figured we were already about two weeks over the good stuff and I had to agree. Then I got scared and left abruptly. I'm really suave that way. Tomatoes, on the other hand, are still awesome and crazy. I feel bad, because I no longer have anyone to give the extra ones we have and I hate to see them go to waste. We've been eating a lot BLT's, but how many can one family eat? I think we're about to find out really soon here.

I'm going over to check out our tomato situation tomorrow. My friend K. sacrificed her adorable little ankle to the Foxhead stairs the other night and won't be able to hobble down to the garden for quite some time, I fear. I did tell her that if she wanted anything to call me - even if she was just sitting on her couch with her foot up watching really bad TV and decided she needed ice cream - like we all do. I would totally make a run for her. I just hope she doesn't get that urge at 3 am, because that would make for another long, cranky Friday for me. I'd still do it though, because I've never made an offer that I haven't followed through on.

My sister and brother-in-law and their children stopped by on Sunday afternoon and took us out for lunch. They celebrated their 7th wedding anniversary the night before and thought it was really funny to give us WAY too much detail, WAY too often about just how they celebrated. Sure, they used a lot of innuendo, but my girls are at an age where they understand it, which I think made it even funnier for my brother-in-law. When my sister told me they split a bottle of wine for dinner and got a little tipsy, I asked who drove. To which my brother-in-law answered, "We both did...At different times, of course." A big Ewww, was had by all.

After lunch, we went back to my place and played one of my favorite games. I have tons of music on my computer and what do you do with it all, besides listen to it? You play Name that Tune, is what you do. I have TV show theme songs and stuff too, we had to identify the show and the year(s). The only drag, is that my brother-in-law was a DJ at an oldies station for most of his adult life, so he kicked it up a notch. He could even tell us how many minutes each song ran, off the top of his head. Apparently, he has several talents.

I "Cloud Nine" When I Want to

Remember how random yesterday's post was, and I was so aware of it and made fun of my negative patterns and all? Well, apparently my self-diagnosed ADD knows no bounds and seems to be even worse tonight. It's okay. I know how I am, so I just put myself on lock-down tonight and saved the whole world from myself.

Unfortunately, I'm not considerate enough not to blog, so I'm going to be all over the place (as Evil-E said about yesterday's post) once again tonight.

1.) So, hey. You wanna see the notes I took at my last work meeting?:


Yeah. If it had been a meeting about how to draw cheesy cartoons at work, I would have been fine. Alas, I have no idea what the meeting was about. All I got from it, was that I needed to bring some different colored pens so I'd have more options for doodling.

2.) I've been kicking around the idea of getting a cell phone lately. Both the girls have one, but I didn't think I needed one because we still have a land line. I was talking about it with Mr. Dateman this weekend and he suggested that I get rid of my home phone altogether. Duh. I don't know why I didn't think of that myself. It would definitely save me some money. It will just take some work getting my new number out to everyone. I've had my old one since I split with my ex-husband over ten years ago.

3.) Since tomorrow is the last work day for me this week, I've been fantasizing a lot about what I'm going to do with my time off. Of course, I want to run a whole bunch. And now that I have our family season passes and my new swim suit top, I want to devote some time to lounging at the city pool reading comic books. There's nothing like it to bring me right back to Summers when I was a kid. They even play the local classic rock station, so the music is still the same.

4) WARNING: NERD GIRL ALERT - This point kind of goes with the last one, so I better make it my last. It's pretty sad when my ADD gets so bad that my randomness corrects itself. I'm going to the comic book store this week to get some more intellectually stimulating reading material. The last time I was there, the guy behind the counter was telling me about a new Hulk series. Then a week or so ago, some nameless/faceless guy on Myspace messaged me about the same thing. I've never been a big fan of The Hulk, but I do like to follow the advice of complete strangers, so I'm going to see if the graphic novel is out yet. I'm sure you'll all be waiting with bated breath.

Okay, okay. I better go. There are so many other things to obsess about before I go to sleep.