How Many Lives Are Living Strange?

Here is a picture of a lovely bird bath.

Tonight I'm still sick, so this post will be pretty short and random. Ready?

1.) With my illness and my tendency to create bizarre scenarios in my head, I decided to do some reading up on the swine flu that's been going around. One of the things they suggested in order to protect yourself against it, was to stay away from people who are coughing or sneezing. If I did that, I'd never go into work. It's like the TB ward in my office all year long.

2.) On Sunday the girls and I went grocery shopping. We only had about $50 to spend until I get paid on the first, so we tried to be careful about what all we got. Sure, I had a credit card to use if we went over, but I really didn't want to have to use it. When the guy rang up all of our groceries, it came to $49.18. The girls and I all cheered and the cashier looked very confused, but laughed just the same. Poor guy.

Here are some pretty little daffodils. Happy Spring!

3.) So, this month two of my gay friends are coming back to Iowa to get married. My woman friend and her girlfriend will be here this Friday and my male friend and his boyfriend are coming on the 15th. They are both double professional incomes with no kids and have been waiting many, many years to legally wed. The way I see it, if California doesn't feel like it needs those kinds of dollars, Iowa will happily grab them up, thank you very much. Plus, now I get to see my wonderful friends again. Double bonus.

4.) On Saturday night, some young boy was talking to me at the bar. After he left, one of the women I was sitting with leaned over and said, "You do know that that guy was totally hitting on you, don't you?" Then jokingly finished, "And he was wearing a crochet headband. How could you say no to that?" I think the more appropriate question is, who would say yes to a guy wearing a crochet headband?

5.) You know how I'm always talking about the fact that my girls have almost totally opposite personalities? Well, here's just another illustration:

Stinky: I can't wait until you leave next year and I can have the room to myself.

Coadster: You'll miss me. You already said you'd miss me...

Stinky: Maybe, but it will be nice not to have you bossing me around all the time.

Coadster: You'll miss me doing all the laundry and folding all of your clothes for you.

Stinky: No I won't. I could care less about that kind of stuff. Normally, I just pick something up off of the floor, shake it, smell it and put it on.

Apparently, Stinky is in dire need of a finishing school.

I Can't Do the Talks, Like the Talk on the TV

Here's me in the Fall of 1985 at Standish and Hickey (hee hee) State Park right before we moved down to work at the ski resort.

Well, kids. It's late and so I'm going to steal a lovely Thanksgiving Day post from the old blog. This was written in November of 2005. It was probably the second week of blogging for me. Here it is:

It's Thanksgiving and we went down to Ottumwa, mostly to see my sister and her kids but my cousins were there too. The drive down, during the day was nice. We went through Kalona and saw a few Amish buggies trotting along. On the way home it was dark and I always stress out about the deer at night. Luckily, we didn't see any, but we did drive through a strange patch of fog. I know it was an optical illusion, but it looked like there was a big truck in front of us that just stopped in the road. I slowed way down and then realized that there was nothing there. Coadster saw it too and she is still sure it was some kind of apparition. She always thinks everything is haunted and to her it is totally logical that a Southeast Iowa ghost trucker would appear before us and then vanish.

Anytime I go on a roadtrip with my sister she asks me to make top ten lists or she has me tell her what my favorite thing, experience, person or whatever is. Especially when she's tired because it keeps her awake while she's driving.

So, while I was driving home and afraid I would nod off, I made myself think of what my favorite Thanksgiving was. I could think of plenty of shitty Thanksgivings I've had but I think my favorite one was when I was twenty. The guy I was going out with at the time and I had just moved to Big Bear Lake, California and gotten jobs at Snow Summit Ski Resort. We had previously been working for the California Conservation Corps up in Northern California, where we only got paid once at the beginning of the month and had to wait another week for our last checks. We had almost no money and were staying at our friend's parent's Summer cabin until we could get our own place. Earlier in the day, we took the shuttle van to the store and spent the last of our money on frozen eggrolls. It had just snowed and so we holed up in the cabin and ate our eggroll feast and watched The Twilight Zone marathon that was on one of the channels we were able to pick up from Los Angeles. At the time, we kept laughing at how pathetic we were, but now it feels like the perfect way to spend the holiday.

I Wanna Be Free to Know the Things I Do Are Right

My favorite bartender S. giving us a flash. After I harped him into it.

So, hey. What do you know? This weekend was almost perfect. All except for the part where I'm still broke, but luckily I live here where everything is cheap and most of the people are generous.

On Friday night, I stayed home like I said. I got some drunk texts from guys at the Dublin. Apparently, it was one of the bartenders birthday and they were trying to get people to come down to play. There was no way in hell I was going to leave my couch, except to transport Stinky and her friend to their social event and back.

I had tons of alone time on Saturday afternoon. Stinky had basketball practice and then she went to a friend's house for most of the day. I did very little of anything. I ran outside and even though it was cold, I came back so much happier than when I left.

On Saturday evening, I dropped Stinky off at another friend's house to play cards and spend the night. I made it to my the mojito party a little later than I wanted, but then I usually do. It was fun and much like what I expected. My friend Sara made some very strong but very kick-ass drinks. I didn't have a mint julep, and I only had one mojito, but as I've said many times before, I don't have much tolerance, so even one drink got me loopy. I talked to a couple of professors that I knew. One was a film production instructor and her husband taught photography classes.

G. had called me before I left to tell me that she and D. were heading to the Dublin. I told her I'd sneak down for a drink in between my two other things. It was pretty slow, since most of the students have already left for the holiday. The people who were there were great. At one point I tried to badger my favorite bartender into flashing us his undershirt. For some reason, he was being all coy, so I said, "Just shut-up and do it, bitch." And then he obliged. Instantly, some woman approached us about joining the new roller derby team they were starting in Iowa City. G. and I thought it was hilarious. I said, you're just asking us because we're loud, tough bitches. She basically said, duh.

Sam bending Ed's ear for a tick.

I finally made it to the thing at The Mill. It was nice acoustic music and a lot of people I knew. After about an hour, I was more than ready to go. The Mojito was still kicking my ass. Luckily, one of the guys who goes to Supper Club was there and drove me and K. and her boyfriend A. home.

Today was so wonderful. Originally, I thought I'd spend most of the day cleaning in preparation for my sibings visit on Saturday. But then Coadster came home, and I picked up Stinky. The weather was amazing, so I ran my six mile route and when I got back, both of the girls were saying how they would love to see the movie Twilight. I realized that it was the first day in forever that the three of us were all home together. So, even though my house needed to be cleaned and I don't exactly have a ton of extra money, I said fuck it, and we went. I figured the mess would still be there when we got back, and we all needed a fun, relaxing day together. Damned if I wasn't right. We got back and the mess was there waiting for us, right where we left it.

I decided to do this new thing this week. I'm going to clean for an hour a day and see what gets done. I'll have all day Friday to finish it all up. I'll let you know how it worked.

Ol' Smokey's Got Them Ears On and He's Hot On Your Trail

Okay. Now we're back to the end of our trip. On Sunday night, my cousin offered up his home so we could stay there instead of paying for a motel the last night. He was going out of town anyway, and so we stayed there and sat in his jacuzzi and watched a movie on his GIGANTIC TV that took up one whole wall of his living room. We called it Club Med. It was so great that we got to stay there, especially since our first day of driving home was hard, hard, hard.

We were going from San Francisco to Salt Lake City, which should have taken us almost twelve hours, but then we'd lose an hour switching time zones and then we lost another hour because of a stupid bus that caught on fire outside of Sacramento.

Did I mention that we were all grouchy too, or did I need to? Anyway, we finally made it to Salt Lake City around midnight. We were supposed to camp at the KOA there and I was really not looking forward to unpacking, let alone setting up a tent. My brother also called about then to tell me that my Uncle Jack had died. He had cancer for a while, so it was probably better for him, but it was still sad for the rest of us. He's the one who started our family photography business. You can read his obit in the Thoroughbred Times here.

Right as we were entering the town, I saw a car on the side of the road. I signaled even though we were the only car on the road, and moved over to the next lane, and then signaled again to move back. The car turned out to be a cop and I happened to have a headlight out and apparently it was a slow night, so the next thing you know, I got pulled over for not signaling long enough before switching lanes. You know, because I could have caused an accident with all those non-existent cars behind me. He let me off with a warning and asked me if I knew that my engine was steaming and did I think it was overheated? Probably. We were all overheated right then. I grumbled stupid shit under my breath as I drove away and then proceeded to get lost and ended up at the airport. By that time, I had given up on the KOA and did a quick u-turn at the first sight of a Motel 6.

We checked in and all went immediately to bed. My nose started running like crazy, and I thought it was weird until I realized there was blood all over my pillowcase. Perfect. I haven't had a bloody nose since I was a kid. It was close to 2 before I finally got to sleep. Luckily, the next two days of driving went so much better than that.

These two photos were taken in Wyoming and put the Close Encounters theme song in my head for about an hour.

We spent the next night in North Platte, Nebraska. True to form, on our last day on the road we drove through a horrible, terrifying thunderstorm - fucking Nebraska. We got home around 3:30 in the afternoon and I could have slept for three days straight, no problem.

I loved our trip. It was everything we wanted and some things we didn't. But if you only have one really bad day in two weeks of a poor people roadtrip, where you're stuck in a car and then a tent and then a small motel room for hours upon hours with your two teenage daughters, then it must be a pretty fucking great adventure, don't you think?

We'll Be Playing and Having Fun

What are we on now? the fifth day? I think so. Anyway, the fifth day was a really good day. We had slept very well at our Motel 6 and only had a couple of hours to drive until we reached Carmel. Here's what I can tell you about Carmel - we totally hearted it. It was a really cute, small town full of rich people and white sand beaches. The only bad thing I can say about the town was that I couldn't find Clint Eastwood anywhere. I even texted FMDM to let him know that Clint was hiding out on me. FMDM told me to check the mayor's office. I didn't go that far, because on our way, we ran into this lovely little mall full of really expensive shops. Coadster and Stinky went through a bunch of them and looked at all the stuff we couldn't afford. I'm not super big on shopping for things we can afford, so I distracted them by getting some chai and muffins at a coffee shop.


After that , we walked to the beach and this is how much we loved it.

Each photo of us was spazzier than the next.

I think we could easily have set-up our tent and lived at this beach.

But California being as dangerous as it is beautiful, meant that I got a text from FMDM who works at a radio station and hears the news right away, that there was an earthquake in L.A. We honestly didn't feel it.

After Carmel, we moved up to Monterey. We could only do free things, so we skipped the aquarium, and hit the pier. We encountered lots of marine life anyway. The girls saw many live starfish, which they both loved, but we combed the beach and rocks for a dead one without any luck at all.

We did see lots of seals. Stinky was a little disappointed at how annoying and violent they were. In this photo, two seals were fighting for a rock and the one got shoved back into the ocean. We also saw a sea otter happily floating on its back eating abalone off of its belly, but it was too far away to photograph very well. Then we tried to eat sandwiches on the beach, but were chased away by pushy seagulls and geese, of all things.

We headed toward Santa Cruz, but we all agreed that we were way too tired to stop. Instead we went straight to the Motel 6 in South San Francisco where we would stay five fabulous days and nights before heading back.

The first day in San Francisco was spent orienting ourselves and figuring out the Samtrans and Muni bus systems. I was smart and remembered the buses only took exact change, so I brought a roll of ones and quarters. I ended up helping all the European tourists who didn't seem to understand the concept of exact change or our monetary system, or both.

We headed downtown the first day, and I was struck by how much the city had changed in twenty years(duh, I know). I went to the lower level of Macy's where I used to tend bar, and it was all name branded-out. The restaurant was now a Wolfgang Pucks and there were all kinds of other little chain coffee shops and juice bars. I was a little sad that they lost their own restaurant and lounge and deli and bar. There was also a gigantic mall where the old Emporium used to be. My girls were totally thrilled and Coadster finally got to spend all her hard earned cash on school clothes and a homecoming dress from a store that we don't have in Iowa. Stinky was just happy that they had a Hello Kitty store with pink guitars even. Again, it wasn't how I would have chosen to spend a day in San Francisco, but this trip wasn't just for me, so we all had to do a little sacrificing here and there.

And the Traffic Stops for Miles

On the third day, we woke up early and got back on the road. It was another twelve hour driving day, and we were going to be camping, so we wanted to get to the KOA before it got too dark to set up the tent. We headed South toward Las Vegas and drove and drove and drove. Once we hit Arizona, things got incredibly beautiful. we were dangerously close to the Grand Canyon and the scenery was amazing. I kept trying to take it all in, without dying while driving on the treacherous mountain roads.

Not too long after that, we made it to Vegas. Coadster was crazy excited just to drive through the town. She would have loved it if I'd stopped, but we probably would have spent our entire budget, just walking down the strip, so we drove on.

After Las Vegas, we got into bad traffic. Apparently, everyone in the world drives from Vegas to L.A. on Sunday afternoon. Then we were completely stopped. At first, we thought there was an accident, but then we saw the signs. We needed to stop and get our fruit checked. Just so you know, getting one's fruit checked, isn't half as fun as it sounds. We drove up to the guy who asked, "Are you guys really from Iowa?" like it was some kind of joke. Then he asked if we were bringing in fruit, at which point, Stinky handed him our bag full of bananas, raspberries and apples. He looked them over and gave them back. Then he asked if we had plants or pets and I said,

"Only my daughters..." and he laughed while my daughter's cringed and we were on our way. Our way happened to be the Visalia KOA and if we thought the last Motel 6 was ghetto, this was a few steps below that. There was only a flimsy fence separating the tent campers from all the cars vibrating hardcore rap. There were also fire ants all over our site. We set up our tent, and grilled hotdogs over a fire. Stinky asked why we stayed at all these ghetto places, and I informed her it was because we were poor.

Here's a picture of the girls looking at a gigantic pine cone.

We were originally supposed to stay at the KOA for two nights, but I canceled our reservation for the next night and we decided to take our chances on the road.

We headed to King's Canyon and drove through some great vineyards and much to our surprise, cornfields. It was just like being at home, except for all the mountains and lack of greenery. Stinky was a little scared to drive through the mountains. She kept thinking we were going to drive off into a cliff.


But we made it to King's Canyon and did some hiking and saw some very awesome trees.

The girls weren't quite so into the hiking as I was, but they did like the cool trees and being able to say that they walked through one.

They actually got along for the most part too. Coadster kept calling Stinky Number 2, as if she were a bowel movement, but it's not like Stinky couldn't hold her own. There were only a couple of times during our trip that I made a talking moratorium and threatened to leave them on the side of the road. That's pretty good, don't you think?

After King's Canyon, we decided to head toward Carmel and stop at the first Motel 6 that didn't seem too bad. We made it past Fresno and to a town called Los Banos before we found a brand new Motel 6. It only cost 5 dollars more than the KOA and it was right near a Baskin and Robbins so it was a double bonus.

Tell Me That This World is no Place for the Weak

And today I was so tired. I think it was post vacation let down and financial stress, but I took a three hour nap this afternoon and I can barely keep my eyes open right now. Don't get me wrong, I loved our trip and it's something that Coadster's wanted to do since she was a little kid (that and a Cubs game and I'll try really hard to make that happen for her next Summer), it's just that I did a hell of a lot of driving and had absolutely no alone time for two weeks and I'm broker than broke, so I just think my body needs to shut-down for a bit. Anyway, wah, fucking, wah. I know. On a less whiny note, here is the account of the first two days of our trip:

The storm a'brewin' off the interstate.

We got out of town right at eight. I had a two day long playlist, a cooler full of drinks and a ton of food. We were set. There was so much promise, so many possibilities. Then just a couple of miles out of the Dubuque Street exit, I must have been in the blind spot of the gigantic semi driver and he started to merge into our lane. As usual, my first instinct was to spaz, and so I honked like crazy and he corrected himself and got back in his lane until I was safely past him. Coadster and I joked about how tragically funny it would have been if the semi had crashed into us and we all died only minutes out of town.

I drove twelve hours on my first day. I didn't know I could even sit still that long, but I did it. I have no idea what Nebraska's fucking problem is, but I've never been able to drive through that state without getting caught in a horrible, terrifying storm. We were close this time, but right before we hit Wyoming, we got slammed. My girls were both awesome about reminding me to turn on the defrost and helping me see all the trucks pulled over on the side of the road. I realized too late that the one thing I forgot to pack was Valium. Damn it. It's always something. Anyway, we made it to Laramie and went almost straight to sleep...And that concludes our first day of the trip.


The second day, we drove only six hours to Salt Lake City. We checked into our Motel 6, Which Stinky described as ghetto, and not in the good way. We tried to get to The Great Salt Lake, but couldn't find it. Even when we stopped and asked for directions, the guy at the convenience store said he knew how to get there, but couldn't give us directions. Huh? Whatever. We went back to our room and after an hour of resting, I made the girls get out and walk around town with me.

Our motel was only a block away from the projects, and a lovely liquor store, but after that, we were right by the Mormon temple.

Coadster decided we should take a free tour of Brigham Young's house. As I've said before, I grew up in Mormon town, so I didn't think I needed the tutorial, but I went along for the ride. Imagine that, us going to the doors of Mormons and bugging them in their home. Only we weren't wearing suits and riding bikes. The tour was actually interesting.

Then we did our usual dorking-out around the Mormon Temple. Here's Coadster and I doing our obnoxious show choir moves around a reverent, important Mormon statue. So respectful.

And here are the girls at the fountain in front of the temple.

This is the temple itself. They don't let commoners in the temple very often. I was inside one when I was a kid right after they opened it, but that was a special deal. We did have fun wandering around outside of it until I almost fell trying to photograph it and said, "Shit," too loudly. Coadster tried to cover for me, "You meant shoot, right mom?" Why, yes I did.

We finally left in search of cheap eats. There were tons of really expensive restaurants by the temple, but we were on the look-out for a reasonably priced slice of pizza. We found it after we walked through a train station and found this. That's right, we stumbled upon the church of Stinky - a gigantic outdoor mall. I think Stinky may even have genuflected at the sight of it.

The girls wandered around all the stores that we don't have here in Iowa City and we actually did get some cheap pizza. Then on the walk back to our room, we found this sweet ride and I took a photo of it. I figured it would be a nice image to keep in our heads as we walked past the projects on our way to our ghetto fabulous Motel 6.