I'm in the Mood, The Rhythm is Right

Here is a photo of a bunch of pumpkins put on a pedestal.

Whew! Remember how yesterday I thought I had a hangover after drinking only two. Count 'em, two pints of beer? Well, I must have been high too, because even though I'm the biggest pussy about handling alcohol, even I can't get hungover for two days from drinking two pints. That's right. I woke up this morning, and still had a migraine. Not to be confused with a hangover. Fucking duh.

So, yeah. I woke up with a migraine on a Monday and couldn't find my window scraper, so I was cranky even before I dropped the girls off at school. Then work was busy and sucked ass. In the evening I went to another junior high band concert - which wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't on a Monday night and if it didn't last way too long and if the seventh graders could keep time and/or play their instruments. After we got home, my girls totally bogarted the Guitar Hero 3, and when they finally let me on it, they laughed at me for looking like a total dork. I am well aware that I look like a dork no matter what I do, but I can't imagine anyone looking dignified while holding a miniature pretend plastic guitar and pressing buttons along to the tune of "Slow Ride" - that includes my "cooler than thou" teenage daughters.

In light of all my general crankiness, I'm going with my strengths and taking the easy, sleazy, cheesy route of looking at the Google searches that led people to my blog. Since I've already probably written too much of an intro, I promise I'll only do ten or so.

1. Last week, someone Googled the name of the guy who was my arch enemy in junior high, and the name of the small suburb on the Southside of Chicago where we lived at the time. I hope it was the guy, because even thirty years later, I want him to know what an asshole he was to everyone. Hey, here's a question, do you think the people who were mean in junior high and high school, know they were heinous and feel any guilt later in life?

2. My latest search, isn't all that funny, but it's certainly true, "You gotta front". What do you think they were looking for? Examples of why one would want to front, if one indeed felt it necessary to do so?

3. "Tequila Mockingbird Roller". At first I thought this might be some kind of weed reference, but judging from the other results, it's really a roller derby term. They must have been really disappointed when they wound up on my blog. Almost as sad as all those hundreds of people who still come to my blog looking for "shaved dudes". Sorry to disappoint. I'm not even attracted to shaved dudes.

4. "Picture of a silver spoon in your mouth". Sorry, dude. That's about the last thing you'll see on my blog. Now, if you want to see a picture of a plastic spoon in my mouth, or better yet, a bendy straw, let's talk. That could easily be arranged.

5. "Girl showing tits Iowa Hawkeye" - Um, no. Just no. I'm sure there are plenty of sites for that though.

6. "Photo glamour girl" - See number five.

7. "Endorphins cute" - Finally someone ended up at the right place. I like to think my endorphins are fucking adorable.

8. "Famous people who did mushrooms" - I wish I was the authority on that. Don't you want to know which famous people did mushrooms? My guess is, all of them.

9. "Sex with the big woman" - Again, I can't help you there, pal. I do think it's interesting that they want to have sex with the big woman and not a big woman. I'm glad they have some kind of standards.

10. "Hooker shoes in Houston" - I wish I could help this person out, I really do. I wish I had hooker shoes and I wish that I could wear them in Houston. If you ever see me in Houston, I promise I will be wearing hooker shoes.

11. "Oh life's gonna bring you down" - Don't I know it, pally. Don't I know it.