You Have to Believe We Are Magic

I don't want you all to be too shocked or worried that I'm starting to get my shit together or anything, but I actually drank responsibly tonight. We were originally going to go to Solon Beef Days, and then never quite made it. Instead we went downtown, and it became a night of wizards and intrusive guys...So, maybe not that much different than any other night in Iowa City.

I probably wasn't in the right space to be out and about, but it was Friday and Stinky had another sleepover and I had spent all day with my co-workers and all evening with thirteen year olds, and blah blah and you've heard this whole thing from me before. Sometimes by the end of the week, I just need to hang out with adults I don't work with, to get a little perspective. I think what I really wanted, was to be invisible so I could watch people and listen to their conversations, but not have to interact. So, maybe I should have just stayed home and watched a movie, but I love my friends and I always have fun when we hang out.

After we were there for about an hour, some young boy plopped down at our table and started bothering my friend T. Eventually, he looked over and noticed me and did that thing where he pretended he knew me from one of his classes. He then admitted that he didn't know who I was and introduced himself. In these situations, I try to let the young drunk boys know exactly how old I am in hopes that it will scare them away. I told him that the last time I was in a class was almost twenty years ago. He called bullshit, so I brought out my driver's license. He told me he thought I looked amazing and I offered up my pat response when any drunk guy tries to schmooze me. It goes something like this: "Yeah, I get real pretty and real young looking when everyone else gets drunk." Of course, he protested and then when I went to grab my ID back, he kissed my hand. I don't know why certain guys think women will be charmed by that, but it is one of the biggest cheese ball maneuvers out there.

I figured it would be a good time to head to the bathroom, even though it would mean that the drunk guy would again turn his affections on my friend T. She wisely asked him to leave, and he was gone by the time I got back. Whew. Now, if you think the fun stopped there, you were wrong. It was almost midnight at that point and there were tons of kids and their parents standing in line to purchase the new Harry Potter book at Prairie Lights. I was hoping there would be more kids dressed up like wizards, but I was wrong. Of course, I knew some of the parents in line and it's always fun to come stumbling out of a bar, reeking of cigarette smoke and stale beer, when you encounter your children's friends' parents.

We made it to our last stop and wandered through the beer garden at the Picador. While some of our friends were chatting, another invasive drunk guy came over to me and asked me to help him put on his shirt. Um, okay, I guess. He tried to talk to me about the band that was playing upstairs and then stopped and asked me to help him buckle his belt. That was it. I think I said something like, "No thanks. I don't really do that for guys." (as if it was a such a common request that I had a moratorium on it) I was pretty much done at that point. I was tired, and too zoned out to be any fun for my friends and sick of drunk, invasive guys. Maybe I'll have to go out with my special jinx powers next time and mess up their computers and send dark clouds over all of their houses.