He Found All Hands Against His Own. Found All Eyes Were Looking Down

Here is a barn and a silo.

Today we had our Fall retreat at work. It used to be that we had to do awful trust exercises and role playing crap at them, but I think we collectively and loudly rolled our eyes at that enough, that they actually try to do something useful at them now. Thank god.

We had someone from Disability Services come talk to us. They showed the video I'm Tyler first and then we talked about all the different kinds of disabilities there are and the best ways to help people. I thought it was really helpful and interesting. Because when you think about it, almost everyone has some kind of disability.

I had just talked to Stinky about it this week. She was whining about having to do drive-up (which apparently, everyone at the store hates to do) for a woman who didn't get that many things and how she would have understood it if the woman was disabled, but she thought she was just being lazy. I reminded her that a lot of people can look healthy, but I know some people in the beginning stages of MS, in particular, who don't have the strength or muscle control to lift much. Stinky said she didn't think of that. I told her to try to be as compassionate as possible, because you never know what's going on with anyone at any given time. Now, I just have to remember that too...

When I'm Breathless I'll Run til I Drop. Hey.

Coadster's decorated locker. Please notice the embarrassing kid pic.

Hi. How's it going? I'm doing alright. I was in a weird little funk for most of the day. It wasn't like anything was really wrong, I was just feeling kind of lost and lonely for no particular reason. Do you ever have those days? I usually try to keep to myself when I'm like that, because I know it's stupid and other people have real problems. So, I retreat to my lair.

My friend G. generally emails me like instant messaging throughout the day, but like I said, I was lying low and we were out of contact. Finally, right before lunch she sent me a message that said, "Wow. I miss you." It was pretty cute and did make me feel less lonely.

Coadster pretending to run and making a cheesy face.

I really wanted to go running the second I got off work and then hibernate in my house and not have to deal with the world. As I stated yesterday, that was not to be. I went to the high school and decorated Coadster's locker. She loved it and was so glad I was there.

Coadster and her best friend.

Then there was the senior banquet. The food was pretty bad, but the entertainment factor was high. The kids all had a great time and Coadster was so excited that her dad and I were both there to walk up to the stage with her.

I did get my run in around 8 and had some time to chill out. The crazy thing was, that hanging out with Coadster and seeing her so happy helped me out a lot. How can I be sad or lost or lonely when I'm busy doing stuff with my girls? Please remind me of that tomorrow when I'm standing in the cold and rain at her last home cross country meet.

Will You Still Need Me, Will You Still Feed Me?

Here is Coadster with her cousin this weekend.

And here is Stinky with that same cousin.

So, I was rocked hard by the stomach flu and then there was a crazy blizzard. I guess the universe was trying to tell me something, and just so the universe knows, I got it. I basically slept and was dizzy(er) and got rid of some bad juju for two days straight. I'm here to say, "Uncle". My belly isn't entirely back to normal, but it's close and I think I might even get a little crazy and try to go back to work tomorrow.

This will still be a short post. Don't worry, I hear the internet rejoicing going on. I just wanted to say how awesome my girls were throughout my sickness. Sure, Coadster quarantined me to my room because she certainly didn't want what I had, but I guess that's just her being smart.

The big problem was that we were out of food. So, once the girls were let out early from school, we had to figure out a plan for food foraging. I was super dizzy, but I thought I could at least drive to the store. I couldn't imagine walking around like death warmed over under fluorescent lights looking at food and not puking, however. My girls offered to come with and shop for me.

We had briefly talked about what to have for dinner. There was no way I'd be able to cook, but we might be able to get something delivered. I sat in the car while the girls shopped. They bought plenty of healthy food and even got something they could make for dinner. After we made it home, I went back to my quarantined room. Stinky and Coadster, put all the groceries away, made dinner, brought it to me in my room and then sat quietly and watched American Graffiti in the living room. That's not even mentioning the fact that Coadster folded and put away all the laundry while Stinky shoveled snow and washed dishes on her snow day today.

I may not be the smartest or most talented person who will ever live, and I'll never be a supermodel by any means, but I really think I hit the jackpot when it comes to my daughters.

Well She's Walking Through the Clouds

Here is a garbage can and benches right by where I work.

First, I want to say thanks to everyone who posted suggestions for the make-out playlist. They were all so awesome. I love it that so many people had such great ideas. You all must have the best make-out music ever in the world. Mr St. Louis keeps giving me awesome ideas too. Everyday he'll call me with a new song he's thought of. I'm taking it as a really good sign that one of his first suggestions was "Dancing in the Moonlight" by King Harvest. Since it's one of my favorite pop songs ever, I already had it on there.

Second, today was pretty amazing. Not in that way where one wonderful thing happened. I didn't finally stumble across my imaginary trust fund or discover a cure for cancer. It was more like everything I did was A-Okay. I did my thing at work. I got some awesome texts throughout the day that really helped me grit my teeth through annoying phone calls. I have my co-worker John trained so well, that when he shot a few rubber bands over the cubicle wall at me, all I had to do was bounce my impressive rubber band ball on my desk a few times to make him knock it off.

After work, I went with my friend K. and my other friend Ondine (who is in town for a few weeks, hooray!) to the rec building to work-out and talk shit. I also got to spend some time with Coadster, who has been mostly absent these days. She's in four different choirs and then she has social engagements, but tonight? Tonight, she graced me with her presence and she's still just as funny, poised and full of attitude as ever - just the way I like her.

I had a really great phone conversation with Mr. St Louis until my phone died. It's so nice to be with someone who lets you get kind of stupid about him. I will stop before I get too annoyingly gushy, but suffice it to say, I'm pretty damn happy.

So, in the spirit of trying to make note of the good times, today I loved my life. And, I'm not even saying it sarcastically. I really did feel like things were exactly as they were supposed to be. Don't worry, I'm sure I'll be all full of piss and vinegar again, but tonight, I'm busy appreciating my daughters and my friends and that one guy - who, as he likes to say, makes me feel all "dolphins and rainbows". Okay, I'm stopping. I promise.

Ba De Ya - Never Was a Cloudy Day

This post was supposed to be written on the 22nd, but what with all the birthday festivities and tons of kids in my house, I couldn't get anywhere near the computer for most of Saturday. Let's just pretend it isn't slightly after midnight, okay?

Dear Stinkyjandra Luz Maria,

You were born at 7:08 pm fourteen years ago today, and you have kept me hopping ever since. You were never one of those cautious, "worried about what other people thought" kind of kids, like your sister. You've always had your own special sense of style.

I know we've tried to count how many trips we've taken with you to the emergency room, but it's easier to figure at least once a year. It's not like you ever meant to get into some of the scrapes you have, you've just had a little problem with boundaries. I've always said about you, that you will jump off a cliff and worry about where and how you're falling after you've hit the ground. When you were younger you used to climb to the top of any structure and laugh and ask, "Mommy, are you having a heart attack now?"

The answer to that was always, "Yes, honey. Now can you come down from there?" Said with that nervous hitch in my voice.

But you've also always been very, very funny...Just ask you. Once when you were two or three, I thought I lost you at Sears, and I was so frantic, I had everyone in the store looking for you. The only way we found you, was because you were hiding in the middle of one of those circular clothes hanging things and you were laughing so hard, you gave yourself away. After I went off on a long winded lecture, the first thing you said was, "But I funny Mama. I funny." Even at that age you knew that in our house, whatever you did was okay as long as it made me laugh.

As you've gotten older, you have been better about understanding boundaries. It's been a long hard struggle, but this Summer you finally got it. When we were talking about how much better behaved you had been, you said, "Well, I figure, that you let me do a lot of the things I want to do, unless I get in trouble and lose your trust. And I like having that kind of freedom, so being good isn't that hard anymore." Hey, it only took you thirteen years to figure that out, now maybe we can devote more energy into keeping your room clean.

You have grown into such an interesting person. Everyday you surprise me with you're fun and quirky ideas. Last Saturday, you met me a block away from home when I was running to ask if you could have a friend or two over for a tea party and you had the table set and everything ready to go. Today for your birthday, you invited your girlfriends over to paint t-shirts with some of our fabric paints, and you all spent over an hour drawing and painting. Of course, we can't forget your penchant for taking artistic self-portraits.

Mostly, I want to thank you for teaching me how to be a better parent and forcing me to be more of a girly girl. Before I had you, I had no idea that shoe shopping was a legitimate hobby. I can't wait to see what the world looks like from your eyes in the next fourteen years.

Love,

Jo Mama

After the Thunder

Here is a photo from last Summer when Coadster and I kicked around in Mount Vermin.

Kids, I had kind of a bad day today. Most of it was sleep deprivation. I was up on and off all Thursday night because of the thunderstorms. Lack of sleep seems to make me a little more fragile than normal and really lowers my tolerance for bullshit. Which can be bad on a Friday, especially when I get calls like this:

Me: How may I direct your call?

Girl: Um, I don't think I ever like, got my password, and now they say I need it to apply for housing. Can someone get that for me or whatever?

Me: Sure. I'll need to ask some identifying questions to make sure you are the student...

Girl: Wait. What? (speaking to someone else) Yeah, I need a number four with curly fries and a diet Pepsi. Huh? Yeah, curly fries... I said, curly fries...What?

Me: Ma'am? This whole process takes a few minutes, so maybe you can call us back when you're not already busy ordering food.

The rest of the day was pretty tedious. By the time I walked home, I was more than a little cranky and sad. I kept thinking how great it would be to have someone I could come home and whine about my day to. Since I'm all about reciprocity, I would be happy to listen to that person whine as well. I prefer not to use my girls for that purpose. I figure they have their whole adult lives to become jaded and bitter.

When I walked into the house, I was completely overwhelmed. My daughters had washed all the dishes, vacuumed, laundered, sorted and folded all of our clothes, and cleaned the hell out of their rooms - including their closets and going through their drawers to get rid of all of their old clothes. It was the nicest thing anyone could have done for me this afternoon. The only downside, was that the remaining messiness was all mine. I hate those "do as I say, not as I do" situations.

Later in the evening, I was eating pizza and watching a movie. The thunder was so loud outside, that I felt like I was in a movie theater and Die Hard was playing in the next room over. I was far away from work and my house was so cozy and clean, that I couldn't remember what I would have whined about to that imaginary someone, if they had been around.

So Sublime, When the Stars Are Aligned

Tonight the planets aligned just perfectly, so that the girls were at their respective social events during the same time period. If I were a more practical or responsible person, I would have used that time to clean and/or organize my life. I don't really need to make a big point to tell you that didn't happen, do I?

In my world, I try to put my precious and very fragile sanity first. I decided that the best thing I could do for myself, was to converse with adults who weren't my co-workers. So, I called some friends, hung-out with them for a while, laughed a lot and talked as much shit as I could fit in the time allotted. I couldn't have asked for a better evening. I'm so much happier, and I figure I have the whole rest of the weekend to get practical shit done.

The Moon and the Stars Was Shinin' Bright

Here I am, doing a quick Friday night wrap-up.

Today was full of crazy, nutty phone calls because April 1st is a huge deadline in our office. I think I handled everything pretty well, except I complained that people were "Gonna drive me to drinkin'" after conversations with a few of the more entitled callers.

After picking Stinky up from track practice, I went running in the fog and it felt really cool.

I just got done watching Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

I get paid tomorrow.

I also have my second date with Mr. Dateman, and I'm just about as excited as my sister was in this picture:

So, tonight what I think I'm trying to say is, Woooooo Hooooo!

What's Goin' On

Here is a recycled picture from last year about this time that I uploaded at work. I just wanted to see a photo. That's all.

Computer Update: I brought the old girl to BK's last night, and all the rumors about his expertise were true.

The bad thing is that my computer is all infected with bad juju. All this time, I thought she had been using protection. Apparently, the anti-virus stuff the cable company offered for free, wasn't updating or something. It kept giving me reports showing me the viruses that were detected and deleted, but never said anything about the ones that were NOT detected and deleted. BK tried getting rid of the cyber clap, but it didn't work.

The good thing is that he's going to keep working on it to see if he can clean her up, (dirty girl) and re-install the system. I'm still hoping it doesn't turn into a hardware problem. BK says he should know something this weekend.

Since he won't take my money, I'm going to spend some time this weekend rolling enchiladas, and refrying beans, and chopping veggies for pico de gallo salsa. It still won't come close to what I owe him, though.

I promise tomorrow, I'll write about something other than my stupid, boring computer...For real, this time.