With a Boulder on My Shoulder, Feelin' Kind of Older

Here is a pretty flower.

Please note the time this was written and help me wish that some day, I will get really smart and buy a breathalyzer for my keyboard. I have Friday off, and I have all these things I'm supposed to do. I was thinking about writing a list, so I'd remember to do them all, but lists have bad connotations for me. My friend T. and I were talking about those bottomless chore lists our parents or legal guardians made for us in the Summer and how, because of them, it's hard to make lists for ourselves. The problem for me is that I remember to do a lot of everyday things, but forget to take care of the odd things, like making a hair appointment that has already been paid for. I'll have to wait for tomorrow to make that list, because I'm obviously a little on the dee-runk side right now. And judging by my behavior so far this evening, my "Churlita's drunken list of things to do" must have looked something like this:

1. Drink some PBR.

2. Talk loudly and yell, "Tits!" and Woo-Hoo!" a lot.

3. Get my drunk ADD on and only stay in one place for about 15 minutes at a time before I walk down to the beer garden, up to where the bands are playing and back downstairs to buy a beer.

4. Pretend to listen to my friend talk about whatever stuff he was talking about, but secretly be longing for my TV that I left home, all alone in my room.

5. Listen to my friend K. tell me that my friend wanted me to know that he wasn't trying to hit on me.

6. Walk up to said friend and say, "Hey, quit trying to hit on me, goddammit."

7. Point out the scariest looking guy in the bar to my friend K. and say, "That's your new boyfriend."

8. Watch my friend K. point to the guy who won't stop whistling and hear her say, "That's your new boyfriend then."

9. Try not to laugh two seconds later when "my new boyfriend" approaches me and asks, "Do you shop at the Co-op?"

10. Answer, "Sometimes..." and watch as he points to his chest and says, "I work in the meat department." Lie and tell him I think I recognize him and do my best not to look at my friend K. when he says, "You're fuckin' beautiful. I just had to tell you that."

11. Thank him and suddenly decide I need to go back by the bar and get myself some water.

12. Find the gayest guy in the bar and make him dance with me.

13. Abandon the gayest guy in the bar for my friends Brie and Ashley, so that we can do our kick-ass, punk rock, show choir moves.

14. Wonder to myself why people stopped naming kids Mary and Susan after 1975.

15. Leave through the beer garden, but stop along the way and introduce myself to people much younger than me and then explain to them that I used to work with their parents or their girlfriend's parents. (this is why, this is why, this is why I'm hot (not))

16. Blog drunk, drink a full glass of water, take an unhealthy amount of pain relievers and bemoan the fact that Stinky has early volleyball practice and must be at school at 6:30 in the morning.

17. Gaze longingly at my TV until I fall asleep.