Can You Live This Fantasy Life?

In case you didn't already figure it out, I bought some new batteries. I can finally show you my flowers. Sure, they're kind of like weeds, but I'm proud of them anyway.

Remember how I said I had been fantasizing about what I'd do on my days off? Yeah, well, I thought it might be fun to look at what I thought might happen on my first day of fun, as opposed to what actually took place.

Fantasy:

1. I wake-up early and get a run in so I can start my day with a free high and have plenty of time to get things done.

2. The girls and I clean our house. Miraculously, it only takes a half hour to get all of our work done. The girls don't fight and I don't get cranky and we all look amazing and fresh and wear strings of pearls like they used to do in old TV shows from the sixties.

3. I take my change into the bank. Even though it didn't look like that much, there must have been a lot more quarters than I thought. The young, hot college guy bank teller comes back with forty dollars and I go to the comic book store to buy some of the graphic novels my awesome readers suggested.

4. I come home and Stinky and I put 1,000 songs into my phone. The process is quick and painless and I don't have to swear or kick anything.

5. The girls and I go to the pool. I stick my feet in the water and read all the comic books and listen to my new music so I don't have to overhear the frat boys sitting next to me talk about their most recent conquests. Oh yeah, even though it seems really warm out, I don't sweat and my hair doesn't get all huge from the frizz.

6. In the evening, the girls go to their dad's house and I go visit Mr Dateman who looks really good and makes me laugh my ass off.

Reality:

1. Coadster wakes me up after 10 when she gets home from running with the cross country team. I didn't even hear her leave the house. I putz around on the computer and finally go running around eleven. I don't get home until after noon.

2. After my shower, I think about cleaning, but when I mention it to the girls, Stinky asks me if I wouldn't rather try to put songs into my phone instead. (I hate when she uses my ADD against me) I make a huge play list and try to get it all into my phone. It will only accept four of the songs and we can't figure out why. We try a couple of things that don't work, and I kick and swear at a few different inanimate objects. It takes so long, we don't get around to cleaning.

3. I take my change to the bank downtown. Apparently, there were a lot more pennies than I thought. The surly, disgruntled, recently graduated bank teller comes back with my $7.52 and asks me if I want it back in a five and two ones or all ones. Since I'm not going to a strip club anytime soon, I take the five. I decide not to go to the comic book store, because I don't have enough to buy a graphic novel now.

4. Mr Dateman calls and says that for various reasons, he can't hang-out at our normal time or as long as usual. I stop by his place after I take Stinky to the movie theater to meet her friends. At least I get to see him, and he still looks really good, and he makes me laugh my ass off.

5. The girls and I all have other things to do, so we don't make it to the pool.

6. The girls go to their dad's and I stop by my friend K's house. She and my friend T. are about to meet a couple of girls at Shakespeare's (a bar/restaurant) and ask me if I want to join them. Since I'm a little tired, my original plan was to go home and read or watch a movie, but I don't have the girls and I don't have to work the next day, so I tag along. It turns out my friend I., who lives in Fairfield is in town. He's kind of like a wind-up toy and he just goes and goes and goes and it's great because I don't have to do anything but be entertained. We talk about the crap we grew-up eating and how to cook perfect tater tots and how we all fondly remember chipped beef on toast (or shit on a shingle) but none of us ever eat it anymore.

My friends K and A. show-up and it is awesome because they never, ever go out. They just live a few blocks away in Alphabet City, so we go to their house after we're done and I meet their newest dog and oooh and aaah over their gigantic TV. It suddenly hits me that I need to go home and I'm back before nine o'clock.

After looking at both lists, I can't decide if my fantasy or my reality was better - it's kind of six one way, a half dozen the other. Most importantly, it was a good day off.