This is Not My Life, It's Just a Fond Farewell to a Friend

Before our adventure race in June.

A couple of friends my age died this week. One was a guy I used to hang-out with in college. His dad was the head of the International Writers Workshop here and his mom is a well received East Indian writer. There was a group of us who all spent time together and then he went to film school and I was dating my soon to be ex-husband who was an actor and they both worked on a movie filmed here called "Zadar Cow From Hell" with Duck's Breath Mystery Theater. Anyway, we were friends through college and then after and then he moved to NYC. We reconnected on FB and his wife just posted that he died this weekend. It was shock and my heart goes out to his family.

Another friend of mine suffered a seizure on Sunday that stopped her heart for too long. The tried for a couple of days to save her, but the damage was too extensive. That friend, I met from bike racing. Her husband at the time, was a big force in Iowa cycling and raced CX. She had this beautiful dog, and I originally met her because I would go over and drool over her Pharoah Hound.

Then when we went to CycloCX worlds and were riding our bikes in the snowy downtown streets of Louisville, Kentucky, we heard someone yell, "Hey! Iowa City!" We were surprised because we weren't wearing our team kits or anything that would identify us from that distance, but we realized it was the Bike Iowa folks, so we stopped over and chatted for a bit, and we all rode our bikes to the race venue together. They had a trailer with huge speakers and they were cranking the Black Keys. There were hundreds of people walking to the site and they all applauded and cheered us as we rode up. It was so fun. We hung-out with them for a bit here and there while we were in Kentucky that weekend.

The next few years, we became better friends. We were about the same age, so we talked about concerts that we were both at or both wanted to be at and the weird phases we went through and are still going through. This Summer she and another friend wanted to do the adventure race together. I had told them about it, so they asked me a lot of questions. My friend had hernia surgery right before, and couldn't race, but she came anyway to support our other friend. My brother and I were racing as a team, and his wife and John were our support and got to hang-out with my friend while she was working support as well. She asked John if he could help her lift the kayak onto her vehicle and he said, "Jeez! Why can't you do it yourself? Did you just have surgery or something?" John is "hilarious" and it was a great testament to my friend, that she didn't backhand him.

We had a great time that day and my brother and his wife fell in love with my friends. My friend told me later that spending time with John and I gave her hope for finding a partner again too. She and her husband split-up this year and then a couple of months ago, her beloved dog died. She had such a crappy year, but she also had a very strong support system and she just got a new puppy that she named Hope.

I still can't process the fact that she's gone, but even having such a rough time recently, she led a life of fun and love and empathy and she did so much for other people and animals, that I bet she wouldn't have done things any differently had she known how soon things were going to end for her.

What I take away from these kinds of things, is that I'm glad I did as much with her as I did and tried to tell her how much I appreciated her and that I was here for her whenever she needed me while she was here. I also try to reexamine my own life and ask myself, if I knew this was my last year on earth, would I live differently, and if so, what do I need to change right now, so I didn't feel like I was wasting time and energy on people and things that don't deserve it? I'm lucky that I've been asking myself those questions for years now, and I'm pretty happy with the way I live my life.There is always room for improvement and I definitely have worse days than others, but in general, I feel like I'm making the most of what I have.

I Guess My Feet Know Where They Want Me to Go...

I guess since we're over a week into December, I might want to finally do my monthly stats for November. It was another more mellow kind of month as far as races and work-outs were concerned. December might be even more mellow, since it's generally my "off" month and then I'll start training in earnest in January. Anyway, here is how it went down.

Bike Miles: 163.32 road and 5 bike trainer work-outs ranging in length from 20 minutes to 50 minutes.

Running Miles: 52.22. Way up from October, but I remember the days when I used to run that much in one week. Sigh.

Cross Country skiing: 7 miles. Yea!

Races: It looks like I only did two this month. One cyclocross race and one trail running race.

Places traveled for races: Chicago suburb.

Books read: 8. Another banner month for books: "Bark", Lorrie Moore. "The Children's Act", Ian McEwan. "The Tombs of Atuan", Ursula Le Guin, "The Narrow Road to the Deep North", Richard Flanagan. "Lila" Marilyn Robinson. "The Time Machine" H G Wells. "Station Eleven" Emily St John Mandel. "War Dances", Sherman Alexie.

Paintings/Drawings started or finished: None, but I have some stuff swirling around in my brain that might come to fruition here in the next month...

House Projects: Just a little tiny one where we put in a new shelf and got rid of old, gross plants and bought a couple, new, cuter plants...Also, I went through our spare bedroom that had become a giant, messy closet full of our techie bike and running clothes and sorted and folded and put it all away, nice and neat...For at least a week, anyway. It was quite a project...

Season readying: I got my battery heated gloves out, found all of my boots and hats and scarves and John put the studded tires on our commuter bikes.

How about you all? Did you spend November getting ready for the new season and do have some fun projects swirling around in your head for this month?

Place to Be

Thanks to BikeIowa for posting this photo on their FB page before the race. How scary am I with a megaphone?

Remember when I used to actually write blog posts? No? It's been so long, that I don't either. But here I go gain....

 Soooo, last weekend was Jingle CX - one of the largest cyclocross races in the country and it's only a few miles from my house. Lucky me. This the first time since 2011 that I haven't been able to sign up tp race it. My migraines have been plaguing me something terrible this Fall. So, I figured, if I woke up and felt okay, I'd race. Sadly, it didn't happen this weekend. Of course, my alternative was to hang-out with my friends, watch races and enjoy the spectacle. I doubt that Argentina will be crying for me anytime soon...

 The first race of the day was the first time ever FAT bike race. Our friend Burne just got his first fat bike a few weeks ago and signed right up. It was great fun and I got to give him his first beer hand-up too. I felt so honored.

The word of the weekend was brutal mud. John loves it, so he was very happy...Even though he doesn't look like it in this photo.

John had a great race (he would say it was okay, but he finished about 13 places higher than predicted) on Friday.

And we had great fun cheering him on. Go John!

After John raced, we ate some awesome veggie burritos with  black beans, sweet potatoes,. rice and kim chee. Yes, Kim chee. It was amazing.

Then it got dark out and the race got even more fun. As you can see, Santa was at his worst.

Friday nights at Jingle Cross is crazy fun. There is a dance party on the hill and the pro women and men race up there, while the rest of drink beer, dance, heckle and cheer. It is one of my favorite nights of the year.

Saturday was another great day. John's cousin's daughter came back from Fort Collins, Colorado and got 3rd place for the Cat 3 women's race. Awesome!

I'm the one on the right in the florescent orange vest over my green jacket. Thanks to Anas El Tuhami for the photo.

 After John raced, John and I took our turns course marshaling. We got there first so, we were able to marshall across from each other and chose to work the busiest area, but we also had a front row "seat" to the finish of the race. Jeremy Powers won it, but it was damn close and that makes for a much more interesting race. Also, I spent about 3 hours dancing and then using my flag to keep people from walking out into the course and getting hit by bicycles and most of the people who went through, thanked me for helping out, and my friends would stop by and chat me up and a guy from the Cliff bar tent came over and asked me if I wanted some free Shot Bloks and I thanked him kindly. A girl can burn a lot of calories dancing around and trying hard to pay attention for 3 hours straight.

 It rained a bit on Sunday morning, making these even muddier...If that was possible. John was hurting on his third day of racing, so he didn't do as well as he had the first two days, but it was a brutally tough course, so I was proud of him for even racing 3 days in a row on it.

The Grinch trying to sway Max into pulling his sled again.

Since we didn't have to marshal on Sunday, we went home after John's race and sadly missed the Speedo race. We made it back by the men's and women's pro races and it was another exciting finish for the pro men's race.

We always clean-up the carnage after the last race is over. So many people volunteer, so it goes pretty quickly. It's just sad to see it all torn-down and most decidedly over for another year.

They are trying to get a bid for the World Cup race to be at Jingle CX next year, which will put in in September, and that will make it even BIGGER, but we won't know until January. Fingers CX'ed.

So it was that we bade adieu to our favorite CX race of the year, in hopes that will be even better next year...If that's even possible.

I Was Following the Pack, All Swallowed in Their Coats.

A couple of weekends ago when it snowed, there was much pondering of the white stuff from the windows of our house by its inhabitants.

Heidi liked the way our bird feeder looked like Jiffy Pop popcorn, fresh off the stove.

But I could tell my bike was worried that it wouldn't be able to get me to work safely, what with all the ice and snow on the roads...

Luckily, John was able to allay my bike's fears, by mounting its studded tires. And, of course, Archie was ever so "helpful". Riding to work today, with snow pelting my face, I don't mind the 30 lbs my bike weighs now with the studded tires. It makes me feel like a tank on the slick streets.

Where the Days are Longer, The Nights are Stronger Than Moonshine

 The rest of my 4 day weekend was pretty cool. I had a low grade migraine for most of it, that kept me pretty tired and low energy, but I used that to finish one book, read an entire other book and start another book during that time.

Friday we did a few cleaning projects, ate good food, and then went to a friend's house to watch the Hawkeyes beat Nebraska. I'm not the biggest sports ball girl, but it's fun that they were undefeated this year, and my friends were so excited. They all yelled, "Sports ball!" at me every time the Hawkeyes did something good and then they all took shots of Fireball and I toasted them with my water. I'm a partier that way.

After the game, John and went home and watched "Far From the Madding Crowd", It was a very beautiful movie, but as John said, "All of those British novels from that time are so similar..." Exactly.

 The one house project we did...And when I say we, I mean, John, was getting rid of the old dying ferns that shed all over our sink and counters and replacing it with a glass shelf and some smaller plants. We went plant shopping and quickly ruled out the one above. Can you imagine trying to eat with that thing staring at you? No, thanks.

Saturday afternoon, we met my sister and her family in Kalona for lunch. It had been a while since we all got to hang-out, so it was great to catch-up. My niece is hilarious...Just ask her.

I still had the light migraine, and decided to take a nap before I went running that afternoon. With the migraines, I was a little afraid I'd be pretty slow and sluggish in my run. Surprisingly, I felt okay...And I was reminded for the 1,000th time that even if, or especially if, I feel tired and crappy, running helps.

I took a long, hot bath, then John and I played an epic Scrabble game. I love competing and I love words, so competing with words is VERY close to perfect.

One of my favorite breakfasts ever.

Sunday morning was A-okay. John and our friend Burne went to help with Jingle CX set-up. I stayed home and got some much needed Churlita time. I finished reading a collection of short stories and poems by Sherman Alexie, did some cleaning and laundry and dishes and did my best to drive the cats insane(r). Then I went for another run. For whatever crazy reason, I ran my 4.5 route faster than I have in months. It killed my legs to do it, but sometimes it feels good to make yourself work a little harder.

This was the end result of the replacement of the ugly, old, overwhelming, shedding ferns with the glass shelf and seemingly more seemly plants. Quaint.

John got home from working at Jingle CX, at about the same time I finished my run. We had Thanksgiving leftovers. Damn, am I going to miss those.

We weren't sure if we wanted to do a road ride or take our CX bikes out. Our friend Burne just bought his first fat bike and signed up to race it at Jingle CX this weekend.

Since he lives on a farm with a lot of acres and he wanted us to show him a few CX racing tricks, we decided to head to Oxford.

John and I checking out the leftovers of a burned-out tree.

We rode a lot of his mowed acres and took some gravel roads to get there. At one point we rode next to some long horn cattle that were safely fenced in. They saw us and decided to race us. They kept up for a very little bit, but those longhorns aren't exactly aero.

I have no idea where one obtains a signal crossing, but Burne's farm has one.

We finished our ride and all met Coadster at Big Grove for dinner. Coadster had been gone all weekend, so she filled us in on what she was up to over the holiday. Getting 4 days away from work made it so I could almost get all of things I wanted done during a weekend....Almost.

Light of the World, Shine on Me. Love is the Answer.

How pretty is all this mud on me?

 It's that holiday where everyone expresses gratitude. Of course, I express my gratitude everyday. When you have had so much bad crap happen to you when you were young, as I've had, even a quiet, ordinary life seems like the most amazing thing. I remember when I was younger and forced to live with my evil aunt and uncle, I kept wishing for some prince or some wealthy benefactor (I read "Great Expectations" one too many times) to come and save me, but I was luckier than that. I was born to a mother who, even though she died 10 years after I was born, taught me how to save myself...And I'm talking about even after the fact of living in the bad situation, where you don't know how to live in the normal world, because you've developed all these messed-up ways of coping with abuse and then you think that's all you deserve or understand so you keep creating those situations in your life...And when I say you, I think we all know who I'm talking about.

John took a header at one point and looked super bad-ass with his mud blood legs.

 My mother was by no means perfect, and she was always quick to point that out, so that her overly sensitive youngest daughter didn't take her exhausted impatience personally. She had grown up with an overly cautious father who wouldn't let her or her siblings ride bikes, because he worried that they would hurt themselves on them. My mother didn't want us to grow up afraid of everything like she did. She also didn't want her girl children to be quiet and pretty and long-suffering, so she gave us the gift of sometimes feral freedom, that I always loved and the gift of feminism at a young age. I was told that I could do anything that I should question everything and that I should create whatever was in my head without worrying whether it was "good enough" (whatever that means). I was also lucky enough to be given the gift of journaling in the manor of it being forced upon me by my teachers in 5th grade, which just so happened to be the year my mother died.

My wonderful boyfriend, braving my muddy legs and feet to take off my timing chip.

 It took me many wasted years of my adult life to figure out how to use all of the gifts to save myself, but in my 30's I finally was brave enough to look carefully at myself and my behavior and figure out what I didn't like about myself and not worry about what other people don't like about me (screw them. They don't have to live with me 24/7) and do the work I needed to do to create a life that makes me happy. I will be doing this work my entire life, but I am at a great place right now.

I am grateful for everything I did on Thanksgiving.

Stinky coming into the finish. She didn't think it was as much fun as I did, but she's more mature than I am.

We started out with a muddy local trail race and it was ridiculous. After getting injured last year, my goals for this race were not to fall (no matter how slow I had to go) and to have fun. It was raining before the race started. A bunch of snow had melted and we knew it was going to be muddy, but then there was lightning that delayed the race for 15 minutes. By the time we started, most of the rain had stopped. People went out hard and then hit the first grassy hill and I could hear people falling and screaming behind me. I went slowly and cautiously down that first hill. People were passing me right and left and I was fine with it. Even the people dressed like vegetables passed me and I said, "Go get it!" There were some downhills where we had lines of at least 30 people all in a row, trying hard not to fall.

I ran with people and we all laughed and joked about the mud and at one point I grabbed what I thought was a branch, but turned out to be a sticker vine instead and the guy running next to me said, "Yeah. you might have been better off just falling there..." Too true.

At one point, I saw one of my teammates running with his son. On every downhill mudslide, his son jumped and slid down it on his belly, like Superman and instead of taking the bridge, they both went down and up the creek walls to experience full, muddy goodness. I thought, what a great thing to teach your kid, that this is fun and it is a great thing to play outside and get dirty, whether you do well in your race or not.

When I got done with my race, I was in the bottom half of the participants, but I didn't fall and when a friend of mine asked me how I did, I said, " I had so much fun. What a blast." So, it looks like I met my goals

John and I went home and took long, hot showers and naps. Then we both worked on cleaning our house and cooking Thanksgiving dinner. The cats got a little riled-up and Archie messed with Heidi, until she put him in his place. She is half his size, but he is terrified of her. Who doesn't love a submissive male?

Archie took consolation in killing his fake mousy. Whatever helps, right?

Stinky and her boyfriend and our friend, Burne showed up for dinner and a couple of other couples showed up for pie and drinks and a Cards Against Humanity game.

Finally, it was time to put ourselves, and Archie to bed. Running, playing in the mud, eating good food and hanging out with family and friends? What ISN'T there to be thankful for? Best part? Our house is clean, we have tons of food and we have three more days until we have to go back to work. Ahhhhhh.

We Live for Just These Twenty Years, Do We Have to Die for the Fifty More?

Here I was in 1985 in Legget, CA., right before I moved to Big Bear Lake.

 This Thanksgiving should be nice and quiet. John and I will do a sloppy, muddy trail race in the morning. It happens to be the same trail race that I fell in last year and because of the swelling caused by the fall, wasn't able to walk for over a week. Needless, to say, I believe slow and steady will win the race for me tomorrow...Or it might lose the race for me, but I will go on to race another day...Hopefully. We'll come home, shower and take a nap...Hopefully and then start cooking. Dinner should just be John and myself and maybe Stinky and her boyfriend and then a few friends will come over for pie and drinks in the evening. No travel, no muss, no fuss...Hopefully.

Since it's still my blogeversary year still, I thought I'd repost this bit about a Thanksgiving I had 30 years ago, in 1985, when I was 20 whole years old. I remember it as a great adventure. An adventure I wouldn't have the patience or energy for anymore, but I'm glad I did that crazy shit when I was younger

The guy I was going out with at the time and I had just moved to Big Bear Lake, California and gotten jobs at Snow Summit Ski Resort. We had previously been working for the California Conservation Corps up in Northern California, where we only got paid once at the beginning of the month and had to wait another week for our last checks. We had almost no money and were staying at our friend's parent's Summer A-frame cabin until we could get our own place. Earlier in the day, we took the shuttle van (cince I didn't know how to drive and neither one of us had a car) to the store and spent the last of our money on frozen egg rolls. It had just snowed and so we holed up in the cabin and ate our eggroll feast and watched The Twilight Zone marathon that was on one of the channels we were able to pick up from Los Angeles. At the time, we kept laughing at how pathetic we were, but now it feels like the perfect way to spend the holiday as a new and still very awkward adult.

In Heaven There is No Wine (No Wine). So We Drink 'Till We Feel Fine

I know a lot of people can't stand Winter or cold weather or snow, and I get it. It's still not my favorite season, but I now get giddy at the prospect of snow. You want to know why? Because I found a fun way to play in it and I can finally afford warm clothes, so I can play outside without hurting.

So, it snowed all Friday night and part of Saturday morning and when we woke up, everything was just loverly.

I woke up late and read some of my book and listened to music and then made a big breakfast of cheesy, salmon and egg mess and hash browns. Yum.

John was wonderful and shoveled snow before I even woke up.

We really wanted to try and ski, even though we knew the snow was too sticky and wet for it. So, we went across the street to the park to see if it was feasible to ski. The snow was okay in spots, but sticky in others. We thought if we went to Lake MacBride, and tried to ski in the wooded sections, the shade would make the snow better...

We were wrong.

The snow was soooo sticky and there were many bare spots. We had to stop and scrape the snow off of our skis, so that we could try to get some glide.

John and I joked that we would have been better off if we had just done a snowy trail run instead, but you can't blame us for trying.

Also, it was so damn beautiful outside, I would have been happy no matter what we did.

We finally gave up and headed to Big Grove for lunch. We got there just as the Hawkeye game was ending and everyone was singing "In Heaven There is now beer..." Then they all took off and John and I had our choice of seats and excellent service.

So, while others were cursing the snow, I was having a blast playing in it.

Another Working Day Has Ended. Only the Rush Hour Hell to Face

A piece I did when I was messing around with spray paint last month.

 Soooo, originally, John and I signed up and planned to race in Wisconsin and then Illinois this weekend. Thennnnnnnn, we found out there was supposed to be a big snow storm heading our way Friday night and Saturday morning. We decided to change our plans, because, while our race might be fun, it probably wasn't worth dying for. Instead, we'll stick around town and hopefully, hopefully, hopefully, go cross country skiing tomorrow. If that doesn't work out, I'd be just as happy to ride my mountain bike around on the snow. The awesome thing about my life, is that there are so many different ways for me to play.

I'm also excited to have a little more time around the house this weekend. I am reading HG Wells' "The Time Machine" and I'd love to finish it. Plus, there are cats to attend to, large, orange, unseemly cats...

You May Tell Yourself, This is Not My Beautiful House

My soon to be new home. I stole this off the realty site. I'll be sure to post the "after" shots as I get things fixed-up.

Soooo, today is the 6th anniversary of me closing on my very first house. John now is a co-owner and pays half the mortgage, so it's a lot more doable than when I was paying for it all myself and my girls were still high school. Anyway, here is the post I wrote back in November of 2009, when I found out my loan went through:

Guess what, kids? I got a call from the realtor this morning telling me that the loan went through and I got the house. Now I can get excited for real. YYYYEEEEAAAA! I'm so happy. I have a ton of work to do before November 19th, which is my closing date. Mainly, I have to sublet my apartment. I have no idea how tough that will be in the middle of the academic year in a college town, but I plan to be very diligent about that too. I already found someone on Facebook who wants to look at it. Keep your fingers crossed.

Here is part of the living room. I'm planning on painting it a camel color. I'd love to get the floors done, but that will have to wait until I somehow magically get more money.

I'm also spending as many hours as possible cleaning, packing and getting rid of crap. I have a very high-tech system of piles: one for garbage, one for Goodwill and one for saving and packing. I'm in that bad place right now where a lot of things are ripped apart, and not many things are organized and packed. I hope to be in a much better place with it by the weekend.

Here is my soon to be kitchen. I'm going to replace the ugly faux wood counters with black lamanite and sand and paint the cupboards white. I think i'll go with a periwinkle for the wall paint.

I'm at that happy, newly homeownered stage, but quickly moving into the "holy shit, yo! I have so much crap to do, I can't even think about it" stage. Like I always say, I'm a slow and steady girl. I just have to keep trudging along and somehow it will all get done, right?

This the dormer or teen room that Stinky has had her eye on since I started looking at houses.

This was the first house I liked when I looked on-line and the first house I physically looked at when I went out with the realtors. I guess it was meant to be. It has two bedrooms downstairs in addition to the huge dormer room upstairs. (which I will turn into my painting studio once Stinky finally goes off to college) It only has one bathroom, and no basement, but it does have a crawl space. I really just need to know there is someplace safe to hide if there's a tornado. We'll have a big laundry room and an attached garage. I've never had a garage before. There's also a small screened-in porch in the backyard that I'm already calling my drankin' porch. Oh, and of course, there are a couple of garden plots. It's almost everything I asked for and only three blocks off of my running route. So, once again, YYYYYEEEEEAAAA!