tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35934196.post5024950435054448204..comments2024-01-21T16:13:37.507-06:00Comments on Churlish Figure: Slow Demands Come 'Round, Squeeze the Air and Keep the Rest OutChurlshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00735862031383588332noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35934196.post-20274612615503255472010-05-22T12:36:34.560-05:002010-05-22T12:36:34.560-05:00This post really made me reflect and think a lot, ...This post really made me reflect and think a lot, hence the late response.<br /><br />When my son was 4 or 5, I had an epiphany. I was filled with anger for my parents' failings-- particularly my father, who wavered between being intelligent and reflective, and being a violent physical (and verbal) bully. I began to realize that no matter how much I tried not to be like my father (and I've managed to not be at all like him, to the point of probably being too much of a softy), there will be some thing or things they will fault you for. <br /><br />It was at that point, I talked to my father, who was very contrite about how he was. I forgave him for it, and realized that whatever my failings were, my son would do the same eventually. <br /><br />Of course, the fact that my ex is a screaming, bullying shrew has helped me look better as a parent by comparison. It's been excruciating, though, seeing my son have to deal with her, and not being able to do much about it. <br /><br />My mother is fond of quoting Maya Angelou-- something to the effect that she did the best she could as a parent, and when she learned something, she did better. <br /><br />They don't issue a manual when they're born. You do the best you can. From what I can see, you've done a great job, particularly given that the other parent hasn't been too helpful. Nobody issued you (or me) a crystal ball to show how the other person would be as a parent. Don't fault yourself on that one.Johnny Rojohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07396305046398530397noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35934196.post-30058574249120040522010-05-12T23:28:36.501-05:002010-05-12T23:28:36.501-05:00What a great answer - did it feel like a big breat...What a great answer - did it feel like a big breath of fresh air?!<br /><br />And, because the word verification gods love this story, too, they asked me to type in 'wings.' WINGS! Wheee!booda babyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09424036488795599663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35934196.post-83550763432325629592010-05-12T23:07:15.304-05:002010-05-12T23:07:15.304-05:00Rel, I'm sure it's easier for a parent to ...Rel, I'm sure it's easier for a parent to worry about the negatives, while the kids look back nostalgically and only see the positives...<br /><br />Tara, Thanks. My girls certainly aren't perfect, but I do feel lucky that they seem happy and positive.<br /><br />Mrs., I also think a little struggle makes for a more interesting person. We all need a bit of an edge to us.<br /><br />Skyler's, Thank you. I can definitely have my bad days, though.<br /><br />MnMom. It is Horace Mann. Good guess. It was such a great school because they bussed in the student housing kids and it was a lot like going to a UN school, with half the kids being from different countries. Diversity in Iowa? Who knew?<br /><br />Nor, It was scary waiting to hear what she though...<br /><br />LauraB., and you had THAT many more kids. I admire how well you did with so many more children. I could learn a lot from you.Churlitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05018288474865559384noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35934196.post-56243213107585812952010-05-12T16:25:39.457-05:002010-05-12T16:25:39.457-05:00It goes by so quickly, and I think all of us strug...It goes by so quickly, and I think all of us struggle in a variety of ways to do the right things. <br /><br />I'm not at all surprised that your daughter would consider her life happy :-)laura b.https://www.blogger.com/profile/15086009761943858915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35934196.post-426553844323179552010-05-12T15:17:26.659-05:002010-05-12T15:17:26.659-05:00You are indeed courageous for asking that question...You are indeed courageous for asking that question, and glad and not surprised you got a good answer.NoRegretshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13240929627271129160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35934196.post-3851992116550576212010-05-12T14:31:54.038-05:002010-05-12T14:31:54.038-05:00Probably because you made clear how much you loved...Probably because you made clear how much you loved them and you were just plain THERE. Love and being present are no small things in a child's life.<br /><br />Is the school H.M.?Mnmomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05004472091756966173noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35934196.post-24646224693416198262010-05-12T09:26:57.524-05:002010-05-12T09:26:57.524-05:00I came to your blog pretty late in things, but fro...I came to your blog pretty late in things, but from what I have read, you have been one hell of a great mother!SkylersDadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18264164502733912326noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35934196.post-2796262914465947892010-05-12T07:45:20.018-05:002010-05-12T07:45:20.018-05:00I have always thought that you have a done an amaz...I have always thought that you have a done an amazing job as a mom.. You have had your struggles and come through it stronger and wiser and they are better for it.. They can appreciate it much more..Mrs. Hairy Womanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17953176969674262877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35934196.post-28716852078684592822010-05-12T07:14:53.438-05:002010-05-12T07:14:53.438-05:00Everyone makes mistakes, but you and your girls ha...Everyone makes mistakes, but you and your girls have proved that you can rise above them and be stronger and happier for it. You've done an awesome job raising your duaghters, and just reading about how much they do for others and how well they've done in school is something you should definitely notice and be proud of! So give yourself a huge pat on the back! Cyber pat from Ohio. :)Tarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16103812856035857566noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35934196.post-45021248258876189592010-05-12T02:55:16.434-05:002010-05-12T02:55:16.434-05:00Churlita,
I've asked that same question to eac...Churlita,<br />I've asked that same question to each of my kids and each time got a positive response. It seems I noted the negative things and they the positive.<br />relrelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09030572981830789370noreply@blogger.com